Very bad session, need advice

You do know what you need and I am so happy that you are seeking help. However, I don't think this is the right T for you. From what you've said, she may blame you for her counter transference experiences. I stand by my former words. Finding the right T for you takes as much work as finding the right partner for you. However, you are paying for this relationship. You need to decide if the cost meets your expectation just as would decide if any health provider was giving you the services you are paying for.

It's not unusual to have to shop around for the right T. Early on I made the mistake of staying w/someone who was so wrong for me, but I liked him too.

I've had 3 therapists in 4 years and one was for a one time visit. We did NOT click. Now I completely trust my T and rely on her for help.

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As soon as religion came up I would have been out the door to never return. That is me mind you. People can practice whatever faith they want I just don't want to hear about it or have it in my therpay sessions.

I'm all for giving therapists the benefit of the doubt, but this one is waving red flags with both hands. Pushing religious beliefs, self-disclosures, and initiating hugs are just three huge caution flags for me. I'd run, not walk, to the next candidate. This one does not deserve your business.

Right on! Would you ignore the mistakes a mechanic made to your car engine? No? Then why ignore the mistakes made by a therapist? Because Ts are supposed to always know better than you do? Therefore, she is right and you are wrong? Remember, this is someone you plan on trusting with your inner most thoughts/feelings.

I'll share something my T told me. You have every right to ask for a free interview with a T. They may give you just 15 minutes, but that's enough time to get a feeling for the person. Go prepared with specific questions, just as you would for a job interview. If a T won't give you the time without charging you, then move on to the next one in the phone book.

I would think that if you really like this new T, there's nothing wrong with setting boundaries. Tell T what put you off last session and I think T should be professional enough to find out why you feel that way and why it bothered you.

If the therapy is making you have a stress reaction, feeling bad and sleeping, feeling catatonic and like dying, why go back? Those are the strongest signs that is not going to be good for you. That's what you need to listen to, your own reactions. And they sound loud and clear to me.

Eina, I see where you are coming from; it sounds really invalidating. It's also really close to home with me since I had the same problem years ago when psychiatrists were treating me for anxiety and depression, rather than the underlying problems. In my case, these were only symptoms of severe childhood traumas, etc. Like you, I ended up researching everything to advocate getting the care I needed.

Do you feel like telling us whether or not you had childhood traumas?

Unfortunately, many psychiatrists these days are not trained in psychology and do not view the patient holistically. They target symptoms, and dissociation and depersonalization are difficult to treat (and dissociation is usually not even supposed to be treated with medication). I've seen people on sites like this with a list of diagnoses-OCD, general anxiety, dysthymia, major depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, ADHD, depersonalization, PTSD...these are often symptoms of the root cause which seems more like emotional dysregulation/C-PTSD/borderline (however you want to look at it).

This might not apply to you and is only my observation and view of things but i thought it was worth mentioning. What happens is that people get in the mental health system and are treated for the symptoms while the root cause remains unaddressed. Part of the reason is that psychiatrists are not trained in psychology, at least not dynamic psychology, and/or do not do proper diagnostic evaluations and assessments, which take time. After years of being treated for symptoms, the patient will have an experience that triggers symptoms, usually a loss or relationship problem, and more intensive care is needed. The mind and spirit are exhausted; by that time, normal day-to-day functioning is not sustainable.

Maybe the lack of skilled practitioners is due to your location, but it's possible that you are not aware of all the resources available to you. I remember being sent to therapists who only addressed symptoms, but at the time, I did not know there were other options. Finally, after years of being in the system, I found out that other types of practitioners exist, who understand and treat the underlying issues. If you live in a medium to large city, I would be surprised if there was no one in the scope of what you need. Did you ever try seeing a psychoanalyst? I've found them to be the most skilled, trained, and professional out of all the therapists I've seen. Just a thought.

I am sorry you have to research things yourself to get the right treatment, but that is also a good thing because you are being proactive and empowering yourself. You could be preventing yourself from experiencing what I wrote about above, that I have seen happening to other people. I'm glad you are searching for someone else, and I hope you do not 'settle' because you think that there is no one else out there who can help.

I hope to hear how it goes. Take care.

You could also make an appointment with the new psychiatrist, tell him or her your dilemma and ask for a referral? My pdoc has a bunch of therapists he refers patients to. A while back he referred my h and I to a couples T who I thought was awful. Nice guy but talked on and on about himself. I told my pdoc about it and he gave me some others he recommends. And apologized for the bad one :-)

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It wouldn't be a bad idea to bring your post into her and say that you need to have a conversation about how you can work on your passivity and develop appropriate confrontation skills. Being passive in therapy doesn't really work out well, and this will follow you into every T relationship that you have.

I think that the real skill of therapists shows when you say "this isn't working for me" and they help you figure out what will. You don't have to say in a confrontational way, "I don't want to hear any of your spiritual b.s.", but you can say, "it's not helpful to me" or "I need something else besides being pushed to be spiritual."

I am not a passive person, I'm probably almost the polar opposite, as I struggle not to be a control freak with other people. I almost always have an agenda in therapy and I'm resistant to my T getting into things on her own initiative. In therapy, I've explored being "passive", i.e. allowing my T to question me directly or being sullen in the beginning and watching her try to engage me. It was an interesting experiment because it allowed me to see what she's "got" in the absence of what I bring to the session. And what seemed to happen is in the absence of my direction, she defaults into the topics that she finds engaging, or that she thinks are important. Perhaps something like this is going on with you, too. If you don't tell her what you need to discuss (and hinting isn't always the best way to communicate that), if you don't tell her what isn't working, then nothing will change.

I think it's worth another session or two of you practicing your directness to see if she can offer you what you want. I think there sounds like you have a bond with her, and if she can help you get to where you want to be (which can only happen with your help), I think that's a good start.

Well, maybe. But they might also be signs that you are working hard and making progress. Hard to tell, isn't it?

I saw a psychiatrist because I didn't think the meds my GP had prescribed were the correct ones for me. This guy spent an hour telling me how wonder he was, then handed me a 'script, said to do a gradual increase until I got up to the max dosage and he'd see me in 6 weeks. I tossed the 'script in the trash on my way out. Any doc who prescribes a medication that requires a gradual increase should be on top of it, watching for side effects. I saw a different psychiatrist who gave me a different 'script and saw me every 2 weeks until I reached the max prescribed dosage. Never be afraid to walk away from a bad experience. Never think you need to explain to a T or MD why you aren't returning. Taking care of yourself is your #1 priority.

Well, I had my next appointment yesterday. I wasn't able to bring myself to address my issues with the last session, which isn't terribly surprising considering it's one of the many reasons I'm in therapy to begin with! It went about as well as the last one- she talked for about 75% of the time, trailed off on anecdotes and didn't seem to really absorb what I was saying. I won't be going back this time. I had at least mentally prepared myself going in so it didn't have much of an effect on me this time, although I was disappointed because I'm going through a really bad time and desperately need a T I can talk to candidly. My insurance also rejected the psychiatrist, so now I'm not sure what to do. Literally every other psychiatrist of the many we've called hasn't been accepting new patients or doesn't have an opening for 3-6 months. I absolutely cannot wait 3-6 months. This particular doctor was going to get me in within 2 weeks, but my insurance is unsympathetic because they have "so many approved doctors" there's no reason to allow me to visit another.

I don't even know where to look anymore. The T I was seeing told me I was schizoaffective but I'm not sure I completely agree with that diagnosis, especially not without a second opinion. It's making my search even harder because for as few doctors there are around here that treat dissociative disorders, there seem to be even fewer that treat and diagnose schizoaffective or even schizophrenia. I'm getting really desperate and I'm genuinely worried about what I'll do if I get any worse. This therapist was kind of a last-ditch effort to save myself and now that it's failed I don't know where to turn to next.

Nope, no childhood traumas as far as I remember. I agree with you on treating the symptoms instead of the underlying cause- I kind of think that's what got me here in the first place. Unfortunately I don't live in a big city, and although I am about 45 minutes away the DPDR makes it impossible for me to drive and the only person available to drive me once or twice a week has a phobia of freeways, so I can't get up there. I could take the bus, but coincidentally I'd need some heavy therapy before I'd be able to!