Very bad session, need advice

I'm feeling really conflicted about my current (new) therapist. I've seen her four times, and the first three were all introductions and tests and explanations. I was feeling really optimistic because I like her a lot and the way she talked about her process sounded really good. Yesterday was the first 'real' session and it was horrible, and not in a 'that was hard to talk about' way.

She took about ten minutes of the session to re-explain a few things she'd already explained. I'm extremely passive and can't do confrontation of any kind, so the best I could do was drop hints that we had already been over it. Then, when I started trying to explain how I was having trouble with existentialism she went into a long-winded, extremely inappropriate and slightly crazy-sounding description of her own religious beliefs that ended with her asking me if I thought all these things were happening to me for a reason. She insisted I needed some form of spirituality in my life. I nodded nervously and tried to move onto the next subject. Every time I'd say something, she'd offer a childhood memory that somewhat related to it in an effort, I suppose, to show me she could relate. She would get clearly emotional about things I said in a way that I felt was unprofessional. I brought up my physical health issues to talk about how they were affecting me mentally and she tried to give me advice about things to try and recipes and I just wanted to scream. At the end she initiated a hug which I felt uncomfortable with, but as I was basically on autopilot I didn't argue it. I went in feeling pretty scattered and dissociated, I came out basically catatonic and wishing I could die. I slept for about 13 hours when I got home and today I still feel very bad. The whole situation is making me extremely stressed out.

It was one of the worst therapy sessions of my life. The problem is that I really like her personally and she is the only person who's bothered to acknowledge that there's something else going on and not just slap me with the label of 'depressed and anxious'. I'm just not sure what to do. Should I start looking for someone else? Should I go to a few more sessions just to make sure it wasn't an extremely 'off' day for her? Am I overreacting? I feel so lost.

I'm really sorry for your horrid experience. That had to be very off-putting and disappointing. However, I wouldn't give up just yet if you really like her.. My T explained to me that in the beginning therapists often worry that their patients won't return because a good percentage don't return. So much so that after more than a year into my therapy, she admitted that she became very ill and felt like she might throw up during our first session, (I have that effect,lol) but she refused to leave because she was really worried I wouldn't return. My point is, she may have been nervous and wasn't her regular therapeutic self. Maybe she's just trying to find her groove with you. OR maybe she is a horrible T, but since you have had a positive rapport, I think it's worth sticking it out for another session or two. OTOH, if you decided not to go back, I wouldn't really blame you. That was a horrid session.
Good luck I hope you find what you need.

Agree with Shrinkpatient, give her 1 or 2 more chances. If she doesn't shape up by then, she needs to go. Just my two cents.

This sounds very off to you on a gut level....my advice would be to start looking for a new T. Sometimes my biggest regrets were not following my initial misgivings only to find it bite me in the *** later on. Good luck with whatever you choose!

I wouldn't go back personally, there are too many indications of not being quite the right fit.

I would give her this post or cover the issues with her. Honesty is critical.

Hey I do not think you are overreacting the least bit! It seems she was making the therapy session about her at points. And sounds like she should have listened more and been more helpful to you. I would try to find another therapist. The last one I had wanted to talk about other things too and I don't see her anymore. I saw this girl 3 times and gave up. Maybe give her another try?

She was projecting and putting her stuff on you. It sounds to me she's the one that needs spirituality so she's pushing it on you, because if it helps you it'll help her. And the fact that she's self-disclosing so soon, is alarming but also telling that she is going through something and needs to see someone about it. She's being inappropriate, however I'd give her one more chance, perhaps discuss how it made you feel, and if she keeps doing it get out and find another T, it's better to get out before you get too attached

The religious thing would be untenable to me. But I would speak up and say something.

"Wasting" 3 sessions on explanations/tests/whatever is a lot plus she more/less occupied your forth- I'm the one paying for my T's time, I should be the one doing all the wasting (if I feel like it).
Also I don't do religious. I know it's working for some ppl, just not me. A T not respecting this is a T to go.
I could agree with giving her more time (though I personally wouldn't but I live in a big city lots of Ts to pick from if you can afford to pay) had it not been for your pretty extreme reaction after- actually, it's what concerns me the most....

I would be looking for a different therapist, personally. Too many red flags so early on.

It doesn't seem like you are overreacting about anything at all. I agree with everything ShrinkPatient said, but I wanted to ask to get a better idea of where you are coming from-how does this T compare with others you've seen in the past? Who is saying you are depressed and anxious-other Ts, former Ts, psychiatrists?

I don't think she sounds like a good fit at all. Someone can be a great person but a lousy T (and vice versa). Your opinion of her as a person is not the most important thing here. You are seeing her for professional services. If you left a session feeling bad for the reasons that you did, then she isn't providing you with what you need.

If you agree with her diagnosis maybe you can take the records to a new T. Then you can start fresh but with something concrete on record. I can't see the point in seeing her again otherwise. Time is precious and a few more sessions is time you'll never get back.

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What do you like so much about her?

I wouldn't return after the kind of session you just described. After only four sessions I'd cut my losses and find another T. I once had a T who was also eager to keep showing how much she understood me by relating little stories about her life in response to each thing I'd said. I found it exhausting.

That sucks, but at least it's better to find out sooner than later if this T isn't right for you. On the religious beliefs if they don't match yours that could get old soon, and unless you want to convert. I'd trust your gut on whether to keep going or quit. She could have had an off day. On the advice part I think T's always add their advice, just take what you want and leave the rest. You could try stopping her and say something like "I'm not asking for advice on this matter, I just want to be heard..." and then talk. That should shut her up. She should have asked if it was ok to hug you!

This is not like any therapist I've ever met. A therapist is first of all a professional listener. I don't think this T listens very well.

i seriously dont get it... maybe is a culture thing... i dont think it should but in my country no therapist EVER talk about themselves or what they think about something. even when i asked about few things to my ex.t she would say: we are here bc of u not me, so lets focus on u. tell her how u felt about it and if she keeps on it get another. tc

I've experienced getting on with someone on a personal level, but then finding that their professional style of helping really didn't work for me at all, and so I stopped working with that person. I wouldn't be interested in working with the therapist you've been seeing, even if I liked her personally. There are way too many issues that arose in that last session.

Stopdog took the words out of my mouth---pushing religious stuff--a complete and absolute deal breaker for me.

Hi Eina...just wanted to say I hope it works out for you and your T.

i wouldn't go back. she doesn't sound like a good fit for you. it does sound like you might want an existentialist T though as long as they don't try to foist their beliefs on you.

Thank you all so much for responding! I feel a lot better already just knowing so many people took the time to try to help.

I haven't ever really had good experiences in therapy. My last therapist clicked really well with me and helped a lot with my social anxiety, but a most of my problems were beyond the scope of her expertise, which has been a problem with pretty much everyone I've seen. Among other things I have chronic depersonalization and derealization and the vast majority of doctors and psychologists I've seen haven't even known what that was. I had to research and diagnose myself just so I could have a word to use. The few that have known what it was didn't know how to treat it. So I'm terrified to leave my current therapist because she's the only one who seems to know anything about it. She's also the first one who got me properly evaluated and gave me a new diagnosis (although I'm waiting to consider it official until I get a second opinion) and found me a competent psychiatrist who works with my specific issues.

I think that I will go to my next session and see how it goes, but I'm also going to start the search for someone else in case it goes badly again. I guess even if she does know about dissociative disorders it doesn't help me much if our sessions make things worse.

Finding a therapist that is right for you takes as much effort as does finding the right boy/girl friend. If this one is causing you discomfort doesn't mean you are the one responsible. Move one. End it the same way you would end any relationship that isn't working for you. Be kind and be truthful. Speaking the truth does not mean you are being confrontational. To confront someone means you are coming from a place of anger.

Re: Liking her: you can like someone even when the relationship isn't good for you.

You aren't lost. You are exactly where you should be. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, never too early nor to late.

I certainly agree with this!

It sounds like you know what you want and that going back despite everything, just to give it one more chance, is what you need to do for yourself. Do you think you'll be able to tell her about how difficult you found you last session and about the way you struggled afterwards? If there's a chance that she really could help you, I'd expect her to be able to really hear you and make some changes to her approach with you.