[Numbers]

Well people I spoke to here said to get a therapist so I asked someone I know to help me find a way to get one. Problem is I'm not eighteen yet so I would need my parents signature and can't do that.
So he found me a psychologist
Such a wierd arangement. Well I don't have to tell my parents, and I don't have to pay him.
He's an old retired psychologist and I have to help him out around the house in exchange for him helping me... Is it just me or does this sound wierd. I never thought they did that, let alone let you see their house??. I thought they were very objective and impersonal.. this one is more like a granfather.
Does anyone else think this is wierd? Not that I'm ungrateful, but why does he want to do all this for me?
Someone also said it's important to be in the health system so that they have a file on you... well I suppose I wouldn't have one this way so does this cause a problem later on?
I know nothing about therapy so I guess I just want to know if it's safe doing it like this?

[(JD)]

Hmmm curious, yes. </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
So he found me a psychologist

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> WHO is "he" in this sentence????

No, it creeps me out too. I think it is highly possible that he is legit, and since he is elderly would love to have help around the house. Since he is supposedly a person who spent his life helping others, he might also be wishing for more social contact, which you would give. It would be good to have a good grandfather image in your life, eh? Grandfathers always seemed to be so wise!

Now, this is totally up to you...whether you go or not. AND if you do go, make sure you are safe. Also know that you can stop at any point in time.

Can you at least tell your parents that you found an elderly man that wants help about the house, give them the address etc? That would really be a smart move, imo. IF you won't tell your parents (and I see no reason why you can't tell them about him this way) then do you have someone close by that can maybe go with you to the house, let the man see you arrive with someone that knows you're there etc?

I wouldn't worry about the health system yet, as you are under 18. Since I don't know just HOW young you are, I can't advise much better than this. I am worried that you might find yourself in a setting you can't get safely out of. Sorry, had to say it. Please speak with the psychologist on the phone first, maybe you can get further sense from that??? Even though he is retired, can you check his credentials?

[Numbers]

What are credentials?

well I will be telling my parents that I'm going to help him... actually he has hired me for garden work, because there's this day at our school where we all go work and the money we earn goes to charity, so he will actually be paying me for my first session...lol. Well that's how he got onto the whole thing about me working for him as an excuse to my parents.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
WHO is "he" in this sentence????

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

he is my old scouts leader... he has helped youngsters with alcohol problems so he knows about the mental health system, and I do not think he would send me to someone who would actually hurt me. The psychologist seems to be his friend.. well they know each other.

I've seen the psychologist. Was at his house today, he seems nice. Maybe you're right.. might just be that he wants company. There were boxes all over his house so I think he just moved here.

By the way... I just turned 17.

[behndblueyes]

Yeah it is a little werd but maybe you could think of it in another way. Just like stated above since he is older he might enjo the company and needs the help around the house. and since it really isnt him "working" he is not bound by law to make you tell your parents or anything like that. So it is possible that he understands the situation that you are in and wants to work with you. He sees that you want the help and since it used to be his profession, it is something that he probably still enjoys.. helping people. I am not sure what your possible illness's are but he wont be able to prescribe you any medication I dont believe. So maybe you could just try it all out and see if it is worth it, and see if the weirdness feeling goes away. If it doesnt then you can say that you did try it, and maybe try to find another way.

It is great that you are getting help. I hope that everything works out for you.

Take Care and Good Luck
xx Blue Eyes

[Rapunzel]

It gives me hope that there are people out there willing to make arrangements like this to give you access to help that you might not otherwise be able to get. It sounds to me like you have gone through sources that you trust, and this psychologist is probably legitimate. And I think it's also a good thing that you will be able to help him too. That seems empowering to me. I hope that he is like a grandfather to you.

There is some risk involved in arrangements like this, because dual relationships and bartering are considered "boundary crossings." People have different opinions about the appropriateness of boundary crossings, but there are strong cases made for situations when it is appropriate. My opinion is that when boundaries are too rigid, therapists put their image and unwillingness to be genuine and to risk something for their clients' benefit ahead of what the client really needs from them. They choose their own security first. So, therapists who are willing to risk an appropriate boundary crossing (appropriate meaning that it is beneficial in some way to the client, and not self-serving) have my admiration because they show that they really do care.

Do make sure that someone knows where you are though, and that you can get help in case anything feels inappropriate to you. I don't think that will happen, but that is the concern side. Therapists who are willing to cross too many boundaries, or who do so for their own benefit in some way, are not acting ethically. I have more information on this topic if you are interested - some links to articles, as well as a paper that I wrote about boundary crossings. All rather academic though.

I wouldn't worry about your records being in the health system. Sometimes there are advantages to not being in the system too. If anyone needs to know about your treatment, you can tell them or get records from your psychologist at that time.

Rap

[Perna]

There's no such thing as "impersonal" -- treat him as an elder "friend"/mentor. It's not the same as therapy but could work if you let it.

[Numbers]

Thanks for the replies:-)

I guess I will go try it, behndblueyes, that won't hurt I guess. It's the best I can get at the moment I think. I think I might ask him if I can stay out in the garden though. I'm not very comfortable being alone with him in his house.

Rapunzel I'd like to read the information you have... thanks for the help, seems like you realy know a lot about therapists. Even if the information is hard, I'll do my best to undersand it, otherwise I can probably get someone to explain them to me.

It's just the first time I'm going to be getting help from a real live person so maybe I'm just nervous about the whole situation because I know nothing about it and it might help if I read a bit into it first.

[biiv]

Hi there,

I only just saw this now but i wanted to say i think you ve done really well finding this alternative avenue for yourself to help you work through your problems. I say go for it and make the most of the opportunity. this could really help you if you can get on with eachother.

on the other hand i agree with what's been said about the safety side of things. letting someone know where you are and trusting your instincts about staying in the garden instead of the house is very wise. give yourself time to get comfortable and only trust him as far as your instincts allow. hopefully over time you can trust him more and more as you feel safer because from what you have said he does sound legitimate.

you asked in a post to someone else what 'credentials' are. it just means his qualifications. see if you can look him up online maybe or ask your friend from the scouts some more about him?

im really glad you have a chance to talk to someone though. well done for the work you ve already done to help yourself. and good luck with it all! please know also that you can continue to post to check out any weird feelings you get about this guy.

take care of yourself,
biiv

[DorianGray]

awkward position. in yesterday's world, not a problem.
in today's world, you have to be careful.
you are smart to ask about this.

i would feel better about it if he's been married and had
kids of his own. go with your gut feeling. if anything
feels strange, don't be afraid to ask. like others have
stated, let others know where you are.

anyways, i wouldn't have too much expectation
as far as professional psychotherapy sessions go
but you may learn valuable things from him
in other ways. it's up to you to make the most of your
resources.

[(JD)]

Yes I think staying outside would be good for now. Besides, guys open up and talk easier when they are doing something else too... shooting hoops or yard work, working on the car yep

You are wise to be careful. Yes, it is a new situation for you all way around.

I don't know your situation and I have a few questions.

Why is it that you can't involve your parents? Are there community services in your town that could help you? Not all services require you to be 18 or to have parental permission; you can call anonymously and talk to someone and see what is available to you. When will you be 18?

I wonder if the arrangement could even be helpful to you because of your very understandable reservations.

It sounds to me like it could be a generous and selfless offer by the retired psychologist; but by today's standards it is not above board. It would be considered unethical even if offered in generosity and a true and unselfish desire to help.

You found one solution. Perhaps you could work on it again and find another solution that would be more appealing and comfortable for you?

I hope everything works out for you no matter what you decide to do! Keep us posted.

[Numbers]

I went to see the therapist and he was ok with me only staying in the garden. I weren't able to say much to him but it is mostly because this week has been a little rough so I havn't realy been able to say anything.
But he was realy nice and ok with it and we just picked apples, so I feel a little more safe now, and he's not forcing me to say anything I don't want to.

to answer ECHOES questions then I just turned 17 two months ago and I can't involve my parents because they are realy part of my problem and they would never understand. I know about these commuity services and I have looked into it but the nearest place there is one of these is 50km away and it's impossible to get there and I can only come three times and if they find that I am a danger to myself or others my parents must be informed anyway.
I tried the phoning thing but it did not help me much, becuase I couldn't realy talk and every time you phone it's a new person.

That's why I asked my scouts leader to help me because he has delt with youngsters with alcohol problems so he knows the system and he is the one who found this old retired psychologist for me. He is one of his friends it seemed.

Well after spending an afternoon with him picking apples I actually feel better about the situation... lol.
It will probably take me some time to trust him enough for it to work but I think it would with anybody since I'm not very good at trusting people, so I realy hope it works out even if it only helps a little bit. Nobody seems to think it will make my situation worse so I'll keep going there. Even if it won't be as helpful as seeing a standard therapist I might get something useful out of it and maybe it will make it easier for me when I can go see a normal therapist.

Thanks for the nice replies, and sorry for the long post