Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

Thank God the turkey is done, but now they have to bake the casseroles, then the rolls. This is taking forever. I want to eat so I can go home and not have to worry that I am going to be ridiculed. I hate when people run extremely late.

S h i t! We are having experimental food. I just heard the turkey is stuffed with fresh sage, fresh rosemary, and dried plums. Sounds nasty.

Family is starting to arrive, many here now (including my Uncle who I ABSOLUTELY can not stand) I just hope I am able to keep everything under control. Hopefully I will be able to make it to Dave and Busters not long after it opens at 5PM.

Squirrel - Sorry that you are having a bad time. It is funny how different food is to people. The stuffing to me sounds quite normal. Sage and rosemary are used in a lot of recipes with meats. I hope that you are surprised and you like dinner and that you eat soon.

I hate that, when you go somewhere and they have weird food that you don't like, that happens to me all the time (not nesesarily always weird food) since there are only certain things that I like to eat.

Yes, I'm here.

Which side of the International Date Line is Sweden?

Get dressed, kids. We're going on a guilt trip!

The plum is what grosses me out.

Is plum stuffing so different from cranberry sauce? Give it a try.

Omg! My dad's father is getting really bad.

He had asked me about 10 times if I have any pets. If I am teaching about 5 times. Who my dad's friend's sister is about 5 times. Who I live with about 3 times.

Wow he really needs to be in assisted living in my opinion and not living alone.

Great the political crap starts, I am keeping my mouth shut. I am about to say I am tired and need to go home to sleep.

I know it can be hard to get them to do that, my dad wanted to do that to his father but he wouldn't do it until almost the last possible moment.

Perhaps he is stressed and hates these gatherings as much as you do.
Is it not possible to leave early if you find it all so awful?

My dad swears he is fine and is capable of living alone.

Maybe but he's gotten lost driving and ended up 50 miles from home and had to have highway patrol call my dad to come and pick him up. The state took away his license after the 3rd time and my dad still let him drive until the police threatened to fine him if they caught him on the road again.

He's 88 (will be 89 in Jan) so I really thinks he should have a live in care giver or something.

Giving it ten more minutes to improve here then I am saying screw it and am leaving.

made it to Dave and Busters by the time I get back most people should be gone

Screw it. I have had enough. I am going home.

You know those people that you want to take your first and punch a hole through their face to the other side of their head? Yeah I have one of those here. God if she keeps bossing me around I'm going to have to piss on her bed or something.

Or talk to her directly or just ignore her.

I'll just talk to staff if it keeps going on. There is no talking to her and it's kind of hard to ignore someone who lives in the next bedroom to you for the next 4-6 months. Especially when you are forced to socialize and do activities together. Not to mention meal times.

Christmas Day is pretty much over and, like I said yesterday (not sure how many people read that), I feel like venting a little bit. I hope that's ok.

Even though I'm exhausted now today wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The anxiety I felt before the social event (gathering with my boyfriend's big family) started was the worst. I felt really anxious a few times during the day as well and my heart rate was very high. My heart pounded like crazy and I sometimes even forgot to breathe. During the day I also felt awkward, incredibly self-conscious and lonely. However, the loneliness subsided a bit when the husband of one of my boyfriend's sisters came talking to me. I knew he had struggled a bit with mental issues this past year and today he told me he also has GAD and OCD (which are two of my diagnoses). We had a good talk and it made me feel like perhaps there's someone in this family (or in my life in general) who might understand a bit of what I'm going through. That felt good. It was probably the highlight of the day (that plus getting two new books to my collection: A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking and The Origin of Species by Charles Darwin).

The talk with the sister's husband didn't make me feel less anxious in the group situation though. I still felt very vigilant, agitated and almost a bit sad at times. I always sort of feel a bit sad when it's almost time to leave for home again because this family is awesome. I really like all of them so it's not like I dislike being around them. It's my mental illness that messes things up during social events like the one today. Anyway, they're great and it saddens me that I won't see them for quite some time now (we don't live in the same country so we see each other about twice a year).

There's something else I'd like to share if you don't mind. I realised something during the social event today. I realised that even though I haven't made any progress when it comes to my mental state this year (I think it has probably gotten worse to be honest) I have made progress when it comes to being able to talk about it. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to talk about the fact that I'm mentally ill, that I've got diagnoses or share anything about my problems really. It's different now. Through forums like this and through finally seeking professional help I've managed to become more open about it all. I've accepted that I have certain issues and I've accepted that I'm not "normal". Before tonight I hadn't realised that I'm more open about that part of my life nowadays. I still find it very difficult to talk about it and I avoid doing so most of the time but at least it's possible now. That's good, right?

There are a few other things I would've liked to write (I actually wanted to ask you all a couple of things) but I feel like this post is probably too long already. Anyway, I hope you've all had a good day so far and I wish you all the best.

Thank God I am home.

Sorry for spamming the couch in my frustration. I was also texting my brother like crazy. Ugh! I could only take so much.

Once the "politics" topic came up, I was out of there. I do not agree with my dad/step-mom and their friends (who were also there) politically and they tell me I am a sinner if I voice my opinion and that I need to change my views so I can be with them in Heaven. So, I uaually bite my tongue when the topic comes up now.

I am happy to report that I hit the 2000 Ticket Jackpot on the Big Bass Wheel (largest jackpot ever for me), I also won 500 twice on the Treasure Quest Wheel.

Well, I am off to force myself to eat more so I can take my AP. I am supposed to take it with dinner, but I didn't want to take it over to my dad's as they would freak that I am still on medication. I'm still pretty full, but in case there's not enough left in there, I just want to make sure I add a little more so I don't puke.

The fun of having a family that doesn't understand mental illness.