[jellybean83]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone could help me with something that's really giving me a lot of anxiety and making me worry. Last session, my therapist told me that he misses his wife when she is away, and I suddenly felt rejected and awkward because I really look forward to my therapy sessions. I've always been clear that he doesn't need or "love" his patients the way his patients need and "love" him, but I was really hurt when he said this. Obviously I have lots of different kinds of transferences towards him, and I have discussed most of them with him and I hope to sort out my issues through them, but I just don't know what to say about this to him, and I don't know what he can say about it to help me. We have already talked about feeling rejected by him several times, and I know this is an issue I have, and that I hope will improve through therapy. I've been feeling for several days that maybe I should switch therapists, but when I think about it, that seems like a big move, for that one comment. He knows me well by now and I feel like if I start over with a new therapist, that I wasted a lot of time. He has helped me a lot in my 8 months with him, and I got really attached to him. However, I feel really rejected to the point that I don't know what to talk with him about anymore. He very rarely shares his feelings with me. Does my relationship with him seem inappropriate? Can anyone help with this?

[Daeva]

Finding a new therapist won't stop the issue, You'll just startr feeling the same thing for the new therapist. Don't avoid. Bring it up, this is normal to feel jealous. I don't see why it would be inappropriate, unless you two are having a relationship that is more than T/client. Transference is normal and a good sign in therapy.

I know it sucks but you just need to bring it up again with him and tell him so he can put your mind at ease. Do you know where this is stemming from? I mean this huge fear of rejection you have towards someone like him?

[Hope-Full]

Was he "thinking out loud" as an example to you? To show you that it IS ok to miss people when they're away? I know my T does this to help me normalize some of the feelings that I've felt so ashamed of.

[Lauliza]

This is why therapists don't bring up their personal lives/feelings with clients. it seems benign but if a patient is experiencing transference then it can be quite painful. I understand that feeling of rejection you're having. It wasn't a rejection by your T, but if the need for male approval is one of the things you need to work on then anything can feel like rejection to you. Because of this I think you should bring it up with your T. Hopefully he can help you work through this in therapy and in other areas of your life.

[jellybean83]

Daeva, you are probably right about the problem being the same with a new therapist. I guess that's why I am still with this therapist, because up to this point, whenever I felt rejected and wondered if I should switch therapists, I realized it was my own issue, not an actual rejection. I did bring it up with him and spent a few sessions on it, and now I feel like we've gone over it so much. But you're right, I will bring it up again, even though yes it does suck. I think the huge fear of rejection comes from what Amee suggested about the need for male approval. That's something I've talked about with him, and I hope that improves too with therapy.

HopeFull, I don't think he was thinking out loud with me, he was just sharing his personal feelings and he was telling me genuinely, and he is an excellent therapist so I'm sure he knows it was a mistake. He very rarely shares his feelings with me, and when he does, it's about my issues, not about himself. You made a good point - I can see how it's good to see that he has emotions just like I do.

Amee, sounds about right. We've talked about the need for approval, and we've talked about feelings of rejection a few times, but you're also right that I'll need to bring it up again.

Thanks for everyone's help by the way, I really appreciate it. I might have skipped an appointment or even jumped the gun and switched therapists and I'm hoping bringing up the rejection will turn out better. I do have lots of issues with males and I've been hoping to work on those issues through therapy, with a safe male. I do wonder sometimes if that's the best way to go. I like him a lot as a therapist, but I'm having so much transference and it's hard to deal with sometimes. I've worked with females and it has felt easier, but as my psychiatrist said, with this therapist, the transferences will "play out" and I'll have a huge payoff in the end. Basically I'm thinking I can get more out of the therapy with a male, even though it is a lot harder right now. Is that true?