Therapists on the prowl for hugs?

It seemed implied that she felt hugs could be predatory, but she didn't specifically say that thinking back. I'll ask. And no, I don't feel that way about the hugs. I trust my T and if I thought he was some scum bag I would hopefully stop going and I would definitely not want to hug that's for sure. Maybe I'm the one junking on the hugs? But I really don't think so...

I am actually very happy that my T hugs and I see nothing wrong with it, my friend thought the fact I liked the hugs was a dire sign. I have not been a hugger my entire life, and my family didn't hug a whole lot when I was growing up. I realized by hugging my T that hugging someone I trust makes me feel more human and less alone in my internal world. It's a totally irrational feeling to have, so I dunno.

To me for a hug to be remotely predatory it would have to be an unusually long embrace, and or inappropriate hand placement during the hug. Also for the record, I think not wanting to hug is perfectly fine and acceptable. I definitely don't want to hug the vast majority of people I meet.

I remember when I was in school and a person who I had a previous class with saw me at a football game and put out her arms for a hug and think I may have hugged too tight and for too long (I think I realized that when I saw her at a job information session a few weeks later and she barley acknowledged me) and in hindsight I wish I hadn't done that, now I follow a standard 3 second (from the time fully embraced) hug and I try not to be that tight.

I got 2 hugs from my ex T - 1 after each of the 2 sessions right before she moved. (I couldn't get up the nerve to ask until I had no choice because she was leaving! )

My T had no policy against hugs, but felt it would not be therapeutic for me. I can't say that my wanting a hug ever went away, though I did understand and agree with his thinking. I never experienced it as rejection though, because he explained how he could help me to feel held in other ways, and that was very beneficial.

He's been going through some tough times recently (well post therapy), and I've found myself telling him that I wish I could give him a hug--an interesting role reversal for me, as I'm not generally a hugger.

ETA: That said, I always shared hugs with my former medical Nurse Practitioner; not sure how that all happened, as she wasn't an overtly emotional person herself, but it always felt right.

Speaking of hugs. A lil off-topic cuz it's not about T-hugs, but hugs in general. I forget what city it was, but I was on vacation in New Mexico a few years ago and in the main square of this little town as we were walking through there was this young woman standing there wearing a sign that said "Free Hugs!" I couldn't help myself, I went and got one! I thought that was just about the coolest thing I'd ever seen anybody do!! She was a college student and was going to be writing a paper about the experience.

I've never hugged my therapist, but there have been a very few times where I've felt such a connection to her during a session that I've wanted to. I won't, because I don't know how she would respond and she knows that I usually find hugging uncomfortable.

Well if he has no policy against it then maybe if you tell him that you really want one then he will give one to you (just a thought).

Oh I see them all of the time when I go to this Christian Music Festival (although I haven't gone in several years due to my financial situation) and I give them a hug most of the time and I absolutley love it, have even seen people with them in other places as well.

Well, this was long ago and he's retired. But no, I did express the longing for a hug, and he explained very clearly why he wouldn't because it wasn't therapeutic for me.

Although if you happened to have a final session I guess that you didn't ask for one than, if you did and he still said no than I would have felt very upset myself.

Also this is just me but if a Therapist said that type of stuff to me (i.e. I only hug certain patients) than I would be very angry and would just tell the person that I really don't want to see them at all. I can tolerate a Therapist that doesn't hug at all (even at a final session) but I think to have a Therapist who only hugs certain people (even if it was to include me although I guess if that was the case then they wouldn't tell me that) would completely irritate me.

That was your situation, not mine.
I didn't ask for one. He placed his hand on my back and gently patted at the door. It was fine. I wasn't irritated by his decision because it was made in my best interests. He never told me that he hugged other clients; he never mentioned anyone else, but I happened to see him hug the client before me. As fragile as I was early in therapy, and some other circumstances surrounding comforting touch that he knew about, it was the right decision to make. I would never want a T who enacted blanket policies about anything (ethical); I want a T who sees and treats me as an individual with individual needs.

As a side note, glad to see that so far no one has responded that they are sleeping with their T

I don't think anyone would admit it on this board if they were. But that does not bother me as much as the being held like a baby option.

Oh OK I think I am starting to see where you are going, personally though if I myself had seen my Therapist hug her previous client before me (which for most of the time was a female) then I definitely would have taken note in my head should I want one in the future, although I never did see them hug and judging by her tone of voice and how she handled the situation when I tried to hug her at the final session it seemed like she didn't hug any of her clients.

I actually thought that was a very inappropriate option and was going to lash out at the person for even listing that .

I'm not a touchy feely type so mushy hugs are not something I do. But I do hug my shrink after sessions. We didn't start off doing that. It happened at some point and now is more of a closing gesture, not anything particularly special. And even though it has been normalized, he still asks if I don't initiate on my own, which just shows that is is about mutual respect. And honoring the work we are doing. That is the meaning for me.

I don't really think you do, actually. Seeing him hug 100 other clients or zero other clients wouldn't change in the least his decision to not hug me--nor would it change my feelings about or reaction to his decision. Compiling "evidence" to be used to somehow influence him to change his mind, especially about a decision I may not have liked at the time but could understand was the best decision to make for me, is not something I would do.

What I am trying to say is that I see your point, I have another point of view on the matter but I see yours and why you feel that way (even if I don't).

So much to learn. I have always thought that hugging in therapy was frowned upon. Being born and raised in Calif. where everyone is so litigious, I just assumed therapists never hugged clients. Mine never did. Even the last one here in NOVA, whom I am very fond of, did not hug. And many sessions were hard as hell. I'm not a hugger though. So maybe she hugs others who are more touchy-feely types.

I've had termination hugs, including right before one's maternity leave. Once, after a difficult session, I asked my T for a hug and smiled and said yes, giving me a hug as we got up to leave the therapy room. I had a dietitian once ask if she could give me a hug after a tough day, which I gladly accepted. Definitely no arousal comes up, because while I am attached to my T (and was to my former T), I don't feel for them in that way at all.

On the flip side, I mentor at-risk preteens and teens (sort of a pre-social worky job), and I never initiate hugs, but happily accept them. It's mostly from the same two young girls who hug me every time I see them around campus.