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View Poll Results: What category of hugger are you? | ||||||
I'm sleeping with my therapist. |
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0 | 0% | |||
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My therapist holds me like a baby in session. |
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2 | 2.53% | |||
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We hug at the end of sessions in a platonic manner. |
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13 | 16.46% | |||
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Occasionally, we hug at the end of a tough session. |
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12 | 15.19% | |||
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I've never hugged my therapist, but I want to. |
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22 | 27.85% | |||
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I've never hugged my therapist, and I don't want to. |
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30 | 37.97% | |||
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Voters: 79. You may not vote on this poll |
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#26
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I am actually very happy that my T hugs and I see nothing wrong with it, my friend thought the fact I liked the hugs was a dire sign. I have not been a hugger my entire life, and my family didn't hug a whole lot when I was growing up. I realized by hugging my T that hugging someone I trust makes me feel more human and less alone in my internal world. It's a totally irrational feeling to have, so I dunno. To me for a hug to be remotely predatory it would have to be an unusually long embrace, and or inappropriate hand placement during the hug. Also for the record, I think not wanting to hug is perfectly fine and acceptable. I definitely don't want to hug the vast majority of people I meet. |
![]() unaluna
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![]() likelife, RTerroni, unaluna
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#27
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#28
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I got 2 hugs from my ex T - 1 after each of the 2 sessions right before she moved. (I couldn't get up the nerve to ask until I had no choice because she was leaving!
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#29
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My T had no policy against hugs, but felt it would not be therapeutic for me. I can't say that my wanting a hug ever went away, though I did understand and agree with his thinking. I never experienced it as rejection though, because he explained how he could help me to feel held in other ways, and that was very beneficial.
He's been going through some tough times recently (well post therapy), and I've found myself telling him that I wish I could give him a hug--an interesting role reversal for me, as I'm not generally a hugger. ETA: That said, I always shared hugs with my former medical Nurse Practitioner; not sure how that all happened, as she wasn't an overtly emotional person herself, but it always felt right. Last edited by feralkittymom; Dec 17, 2013 at 12:12 AM. |
![]() Bill3
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#30
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Speaking of hugs. A lil off-topic cuz it's not about T-hugs, but hugs in general. I forget what city it was, but I was on vacation in New Mexico a few years ago and in the main square of this little town as we were walking through there was this young woman standing there wearing a sign that said "Free Hugs!" I couldn't help myself, I went and got one! I thought that was just about the coolest thing I'd ever seen anybody do!! She was a college student and was going to be writing a paper about the experience.
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#31
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I've never hugged my therapist, but there have been a very few times where I've felt such a connection to her during a session that I've wanted to. I won't, because I don't know how she would respond and she knows that I usually find hugging uncomfortable.
__________________
---Rhi |
#32
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![]() feralkittymom
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#33
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#34
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Well, this was long ago and he's retired. But no, I did express the longing for a hug, and he explained very clearly why he wouldn't because it wasn't therapeutic for me.
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#35
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Also this is just me but if a Therapist said that type of stuff to me (i.e. I only hug certain patients) than I would be very angry and would just tell the person that I really don't want to see them at all. I can tolerate a Therapist that doesn't hug at all (even at a final session) but I think to have a Therapist who only hugs certain people (even if it was to include me although I guess if that was the case then they wouldn't tell me that) would completely irritate me. |
#36
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I didn't ask for one. He placed his hand on my back and gently patted at the door. It was fine. I wasn't irritated by his decision because it was made in my best interests. He never told me that he hugged other clients; he never mentioned anyone else, but I happened to see him hug the client before me. As fragile as I was early in therapy, and some other circumstances surrounding comforting touch that he knew about, it was the right decision to make. I would never want a T who enacted blanket policies about anything (ethical); I want a T who sees and treats me as an individual with individual needs. |
![]() Rive., RTerroni
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#37
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As a side note, glad to see that so far no one has responded that they are sleeping with their T
__________________
I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me. |
![]() Lauliza, Leah123, Petra5ed
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#38
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I don't think anyone would admit it on this board if they were. But that does not bother me as much as the being held like a baby option.
__________________
Please NO @ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. |
![]() Lauliza
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#39
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#40
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#41
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I'm not a touchy feely type so mushy hugs are not something I do. But I do hug my shrink after sessions. We didn't start off doing that. It happened at some point and now is more of a closing gesture, not anything particularly special. And even though it has been normalized, he still asks if I don't initiate on my own, which just shows that is is about mutual respect. And honoring the work we are doing. That is the meaning for me.
__________________
“Our knowledge is a little island in a great ocean of nonknowledge.” – Isaac Bashevis Singer |
![]() Petra5ed
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#42
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![]() RTerroni
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#43
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![]() feralkittymom
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#44
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So much to learn. I have always thought that hugging in therapy was frowned upon. Being born and raised in Calif. where everyone is so litigious, I just assumed therapists never hugged clients. Mine never did. Even the last one here in NOVA, whom I am very fond of, did not hug. And many sessions were hard as hell. I'm not a hugger though. So maybe she hugs others who are more touchy-feely types.
__________________
"When the gulf between All the things I need And the things I receive Is an ancient ocean Wide, wild, lost, uncrossed"__Morrissey |
#45
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I've had termination hugs, including right before one's maternity leave. Once, after a difficult session, I asked my T for a hug and smiled and said yes, giving me a hug as we got up to leave the therapy room. I had a dietitian once ask if she could give me a hug after a tough day, which I gladly accepted. Definitely no arousal comes up, because while I am attached to my T (and was to my former T), I don't feel for them in that way at all.
On the flip side, I mentor at-risk preteens and teens (sort of a pre-social worky job), and I never initiate hugs, but happily accept them. It's mostly from the same two young girls who hug me every time I see them around campus. |
![]() Onyx999
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