Home Menu

Menu


View Poll Results: What category of hugger are you?
I'm sleeping with my therapist. 0 0%
I'm sleeping with my therapist.
0 0%
My therapist holds me like a baby in session. 2 2.53%
My therapist holds me like a baby in session.
2 2.53%
We hug at the end of sessions in a platonic manner. 13 16.46%
We hug at the end of sessions in a platonic manner.
13 16.46%
Occasionally, we hug at the end of a tough session. 12 15.19%
Occasionally, we hug at the end of a tough session.
12 15.19%
I've never hugged my therapist, but I want to. 22 27.85%
I've never hugged my therapist, but I want to.
22 27.85%
I've never hugged my therapist, and I don't want to. 30 37.97%
I've never hugged my therapist, and I don't want to.
30 37.97%
Voters: 79. You may not vote on this poll

Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #26  
Old Dec 16, 2013, 08:29 PM
Petra5ed's Avatar
Petra5ed Petra5ed is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Pugare
Posts: 1,923
Quote:
Originally Posted by likelife View Post
Why "on the prowl" for hugs? Does your friend think that your T is being predatory in some way? Do you feel that way?
It seemed implied that she felt hugs could be predatory, but she didn't specifically say that thinking back. I'll ask. And no, I don't feel that way about the hugs. I trust my T and if I thought he was some scum bag I would hopefully stop going and I would definitely not want to hug that's for sure. Maybe I'm the one junking on the hugs? But I really don't think so...

I am actually very happy that my T hugs and I see nothing wrong with it, my friend thought the fact I liked the hugs was a dire sign. I have not been a hugger my entire life, and my family didn't hug a whole lot when I was growing up. I realized by hugging my T that hugging someone I trust makes me feel more human and less alone in my internal world. It's a totally irrational feeling to have, so I dunno.

To me for a hug to be remotely predatory it would have to be an unusually long embrace, and or inappropriate hand placement during the hug. Also for the record, I think not wanting to hug is perfectly fine and acceptable. I definitely don't want to hug the vast majority of people I meet.
Hugs from:
unaluna
Thanks for this!
likelife, RTerroni, unaluna

advertisement
  #27  
Old Dec 16, 2013, 08:49 PM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petra5ed View Post
To me for a hug to be remotely predatory it would have to be an unusually long embrace, and or inappropriate hand placement during the hug. Also for the record, I think not wanting to hug is perfectly fine and acceptable. I definitely don't want to hug the vast majority of people I meet.
I remember when I was in school and a person who I had a previous class with saw me at a football game and put out her arms for a hug and think I may have hugged too tight and for too long (I think I realized that when I saw her at a job information session a few weeks later and she barley acknowledged me) and in hindsight I wish I hadn't done that, now I follow a standard 3 second (from the time fully embraced) hug and I try not to be that tight.
  #28  
Old Dec 16, 2013, 11:29 PM
Anonymous43207
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
I got 2 hugs from my ex T - 1 after each of the 2 sessions right before she moved. (I couldn't get up the nerve to ask until I had no choice because she was leaving! )
  #29  
Old Dec 16, 2013, 11:30 PM
feralkittymom's Avatar
feralkittymom feralkittymom is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
My T had no policy against hugs, but felt it would not be therapeutic for me. I can't say that my wanting a hug ever went away, though I did understand and agree with his thinking. I never experienced it as rejection though, because he explained how he could help me to feel held in other ways, and that was very beneficial.

He's been going through some tough times recently (well post therapy), and I've found myself telling him that I wish I could give him a hug--an interesting role reversal for me, as I'm not generally a hugger.

ETA: That said, I always shared hugs with my former medical Nurse Practitioner; not sure how that all happened, as she wasn't an overtly emotional person herself, but it always felt right.

Last edited by feralkittymom; Dec 17, 2013 at 12:12 AM.
Thanks for this!
Bill3
  #30  
Old Dec 16, 2013, 11:34 PM
Anonymous43207
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Speaking of hugs. A lil off-topic cuz it's not about T-hugs, but hugs in general. I forget what city it was, but I was on vacation in New Mexico a few years ago and in the main square of this little town as we were walking through there was this young woman standing there wearing a sign that said "Free Hugs!" I couldn't help myself, I went and got one! I thought that was just about the coolest thing I'd ever seen anybody do!! She was a college student and was going to be writing a paper about the experience.
  #31  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 12:34 AM
BlessedRhiannon's Avatar
BlessedRhiannon BlessedRhiannon is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,396
I've never hugged my therapist, but there have been a very few times where I've felt such a connection to her during a session that I've wanted to. I won't, because I don't know how she would respond and she knows that I usually find hugging uncomfortable.
__________________
---Rhi
  #32  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 12:37 AM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
My T had no policy against hugs, but felt it would not be therapeutic for me. I can't say that my wanting a hug ever went away, though I did understand and agree with his thinking. I never experienced it as rejection though, because he explained how he could help me to feel held in other ways, and that was very beneficial.

He's been going through some tough times recently (well post therapy), and I've found myself telling him that I wish I could give him a hug--an interesting role reversal for me, as I'm not generally a hugger.

ETA: That said, I always shared hugs with my former medical Nurse Practitioner; not sure how that all happened, as she wasn't an overtly emotional person herself, but it always felt right.
Well if he has no policy against it then maybe if you tell him that you really want one then he will give one to you (just a thought).
Thanks for this!
feralkittymom
  #33  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 12:40 AM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by artemis-within View Post
Speaking of hugs. A lil off-topic cuz it's not about T-hugs, but hugs in general. I forget what city it was, but I was on vacation in New Mexico a few years ago and in the main square of this little town as we were walking through there was this young woman standing there wearing a sign that said "Free Hugs!" I couldn't help myself, I went and got one! I thought that was just about the coolest thing I'd ever seen anybody do!! She was a college student and was going to be writing a paper about the experience.
Oh I see them all of the time when I go to this Christian Music Festival (although I haven't gone in several years due to my financial situation) and I give them a hug most of the time and I absolutley love it, have even seen people with them in other places as well.
  #34  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 01:00 AM
feralkittymom's Avatar
feralkittymom feralkittymom is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
Quote:
Originally Posted by RTerroni View Post
Well if he has no policy against it then maybe if you tell him that you really want one then he will give one to you (just a thought).
Well, this was long ago and he's retired. But no, I did express the longing for a hug, and he explained very clearly why he wouldn't because it wasn't therapeutic for me.
  #35  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 01:15 AM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
Well, this was long ago and he's retired. But no, I did the longing for a hug, and he explained very clearly why he wouldn't because it wasn't therapeutic for me.
Although if you happened to have a final session I guess that you didn't ask for one than, if you did and he still said no than I would have felt very upset myself.

Also this is just me but if a Therapist said that type of stuff to me (i.e. I only hug certain patients) than I would be very angry and would just tell the person that I really don't want to see them at all. I can tolerate a Therapist that doesn't hug at all (even at a final session) but I think to have a Therapist who only hugs certain people (even if it was to include me although I guess if that was the case then they wouldn't tell me that) would completely irritate me.
  #36  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 06:01 AM
feralkittymom's Avatar
feralkittymom feralkittymom is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
Quote:
Originally Posted by RTerroni View Post
Although if you happened to have a final session I guess that you didn't ask for one than, if you did and he still said no than I would have felt very upset myself.

Also this is just me but if a Therapist said that type of stuff to me (i.e. I only hug certain patients) than I would be very angry and would just tell the person that I really don't want to see them at all. I can tolerate a Therapist that doesn't hug at all (even at a final session) but I think to have a Therapist who only hugs certain people (even if it was to include me although I guess if that was the case then they wouldn't tell me that) would completely irritate me.
That was your situation, not mine.
I didn't ask for one. He placed his hand on my back and gently patted at the door. It was fine. I wasn't irritated by his decision because it was made in my best interests. He never told me that he hugged other clients; he never mentioned anyone else, but I happened to see him hug the client before me. As fragile as I was early in therapy, and some other circumstances surrounding comforting touch that he knew about, it was the right decision to make. I would never want a T who enacted blanket policies about anything (ethical); I want a T who sees and treats me as an individual with individual needs.
Thanks for this!
Rive., RTerroni
  #37  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 08:19 AM
GeorgiaGirl413's Avatar
GeorgiaGirl413 GeorgiaGirl413 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 696
As a side note, glad to see that so far no one has responded that they are sleeping with their T
__________________
I have heard about your "normal" and it does not sound like fun to me.
Thanks for this!
Lauliza, Leah123, Petra5ed
  #38  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 08:34 AM
stopdog stopdog is offline
underdog is here
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: blank
Posts: 35,154
I don't think anyone would admit it on this board if they were. But that does not bother me as much as the being held like a baby option.
__________________
Please NO @

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Thanks for this!
Lauliza
  #39  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 10:16 AM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
That was your situation, not mine.
I didn't ask for one. He placed his hand on my back and gently patted at the door. It was fine. I wasn't irritated by his decision because it was made in my best interests. He never told me that he hugged other clients; he never mentioned anyone else, but I happened to see him hug the client before me. As fragile as I was early in therapy, and some other circumstances surrounding comforting touch that he knew about, it was the right decision to make. I would never want a T who enacted blanket policies about anything (ethical); I want a T who sees and treats me as an individual with individual needs.
Oh OK I think I am starting to see where you are going, personally though if I myself had seen my Therapist hug her previous client before me (which for most of the time was a female) then I definitely would have taken note in my head should I want one in the future, although I never did see them hug and judging by her tone of voice and how she handled the situation when I tried to hug her at the final session it seemed like she didn't hug any of her clients.
  #40  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 10:18 AM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeorgiaGirl413 View Post
As a side note, glad to see that so far no one has responded that they are sleeping with their T
I actually thought that was a very inappropriate option and was going to lash out at the person for even listing that .
  #41  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 12:30 PM
archipelago's Avatar
archipelago archipelago is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,773
I'm not a touchy feely type so mushy hugs are not something I do. But I do hug my shrink after sessions. We didn't start off doing that. It happened at some point and now is more of a closing gesture, not anything particularly special. And even though it has been normalized, he still asks if I don't initiate on my own, which just shows that is is about mutual respect. And honoring the work we are doing. That is the meaning for me.
__________________
“Our knowledge is a little island in a great ocean of nonknowledge.” – Isaac Bashevis Singer
Thanks for this!
Petra5ed
  #42  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 06:06 PM
feralkittymom's Avatar
feralkittymom feralkittymom is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Aug 2012
Location: yada
Posts: 4,415
Quote:
Originally Posted by RTerroni View Post
Oh OK I think I am starting to see where you are going, personally though if I myself had seen my Therapist hug her previous client before me (which for most of the time was a female) then I definitely would have taken note in my head should I want one in the future, although I never did see them hug and judging by her tone of voice and how she handled the situation when I tried to hug her at the final session it seemed like she didn't hug any of her clients.
I don't really think you do, actually. Seeing him hug 100 other clients or zero other clients wouldn't change in the least his decision to not hug me--nor would it change my feelings about or reaction to his decision. Compiling "evidence" to be used to somehow influence him to change his mind, especially about a decision I may not have liked at the time but could understand was the best decision to make for me, is not something I would do.
Thanks for this!
RTerroni
  #43  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 06:28 PM
RTerroni's Avatar
RTerroni RTerroni is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 5,751
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom View Post
I don't really think you do, actually. Seeing him hug 100 other clients or zero other clients wouldn't change in the least his decision to not hug me--nor would it change my feelings about or reaction to his decision. Compiling "evidence" to be used to somehow influence him to change his mind, especially about a decision I may not have liked at the time but could understand was the best decision to make for me, is not something I would do.
What I am trying to say is that I see your point, I have another point of view on the matter but I see yours and why you feel that way (even if I don't).
Thanks for this!
feralkittymom
  #44  
Old Dec 17, 2013, 11:11 PM
Onyx999's Avatar
Onyx999 Onyx999 is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2013
Location: San Bernardino, CA
Posts: 140
So much to learn. I have always thought that hugging in therapy was frowned upon. Being born and raised in Calif. where everyone is so litigious, I just assumed therapists never hugged clients. Mine never did. Even the last one here in NOVA, whom I am very fond of, did not hug. And many sessions were hard as hell. I'm not a hugger though. So maybe she hugs others who are more touchy-feely types.
__________________
"When the gulf between
All the things I need
And the things I receive
Is an ancient ocean
Wide, wild, lost, uncrossed"__Morrissey
  #45  
Old Dec 18, 2013, 12:47 AM
rainboots87's Avatar
rainboots87 rainboots87 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2012
Location: usa
Posts: 654
I've had termination hugs, including right before one's maternity leave. Once, after a difficult session, I asked my T for a hug and smiled and said yes, giving me a hug as we got up to leave the therapy room. I had a dietitian once ask if she could give me a hug after a tough day, which I gladly accepted. Definitely no arousal comes up, because while I am attached to my T (and was to my former T), I don't feel for them in that way at all.

On the flip side, I mentor at-risk preteens and teens (sort of a pre-social worky job), and I never initiate hugs, but happily accept them. It's mostly from the same two young girls who hug me every time I see them around campus.
Thanks for this!
Onyx999
Reply
Views: 3880

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:33 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.