Just noticing...

I feel like I am living a dream but it's not a dream. I have been working my tush off the last almost 2 months in therapy and especially the last month since DBT group started.

Umm...it felt uncomfortable in session Monday night because T was really bragging to me about all the work I am doing and some of the changes, for the better, she has noticed. I mean don't get me wrong it was a good uncomfortable but uncomfortable nonetheless.

I guess I just don't feel like the work I have done is that big of a deal. I mean in the grand scheme of the work I still have and want to do...it just seems so minute. I mean yes it's important, very important, groundwork, and I obviously take it very seriously as I spend lots of, (1 & 1/2+ hours a day, 6 days a week), time doing all this work. So obviously I see it's importance I just don't get all the "bragging"?

I also know I love to minimize my success. So maybe that's part of it. I guess I don't want to celebrate just yet as when I get complacent I stop working and I have a lot more work to do yet.

I guess the dream part would be...I do feel lots better than even when I first saw her, T, that is and definitely thinking more clearly which I guess considering where I came from 2 months ago, is HUGE. Just not necessarily celebration time, just yet anyway.

Just posting to see more clearly where I am at.

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You are working so hard. I understand not wanting to celebrate, but it's definitely worth acknowledging at any rate.

Just wanted to let you know that I read this, and yes, you do seem to be in a completely different place compared to two months ago. That's good to see. Thank you for posting this.

Melissa, it has been so great to see how you have been making progress. I think I've said in each of your new threads that I'm proud of you - I really am! Your posts show a lot of thoughtfulness and reflection on yourself and the problems and challengs that you face.

It's definitely worth a pat on the back for how far you are coming in such a short amount of time! Of course there's more to do and you're the one choosing to keep at it - which is just another sign of how much you're growing. I think in your past you wanted things to be done instantly or for someone else to do it for you... so to see you recognizing how much time and effort it's taking you, and that you aren't getting frustrated or wanting to quit - in fact, that you're worried if you're proud of yourself that you'll slow yourself down! - is even more evidence that you're doing some excellent work!

I'm right there with you in minimizing the successess or progress made in therapy (and in life, to be honest) I think it's great that your T spent such time bragging on you, it's good for us to hear the good stuff about us, in hopes that it will over ride the voices in our heads that tell us we're all full of bad stuff.