I smile a lot in therapy. Even as I talk about my abuse.
T will often tip her head and ask what the smile is about?
I shrug my shoulders and say - I don't know, it's what I do.
She's said before that I must have used smiling and humour as a way to get the world to engage with me, versus my mothers inability to engage with me.
T said she finds it very compelling. She is often 'drawn in' by my smile & humour. But during Mondays session when I was relating an incident I've spoken often off, I spoke with my usual broad smile when T said - you know, you're smiling as you talk about this (abuse) but I find it hard to even think about.
I shrugged and thought little more about it. But bit by bit, T's response has hung around. I guess breaking through my own defence.
I'm still not fully in touch with any feelings connected to the spoken abusive incident. But T's pointing out the effect it has on her has woken something up within me.

[someone321]

Ufff, so I am not the only one who is smiling when talking about the abuse? I caught myself few times on smiling when for sure it was not very appropriate (ech, I guess that my T has also noticed that). However, I am not sure if I smile in order to mask pain or feelings other than the embarrassment... I also noticed that when I am really stressed, I yawn what people actually take as a sign of the relaxation... Good that I have not yawned yet at the therapy - my T would think that I'm bored...

Thanks for sharing, I am not sure yet if I want to have my defenses broken, I guess it's scary then (without the defense) right?

Hi, no it's not scary now. It's a relief. I feel like a rose bush desperate for a gardener to prune back my thorns. T is that gardener.

[growlithing]

I cuss a lot, made crude jokes, criticize T, and run her around in circles verbally by answering her questions with questions. She also says I get this annoyed look on my face whenever she mentions doing something that really isn't my style. She finds it amusing and fun for the most part.

I'm not actually aggressing against her either. I'll aggress against a topic. But with her, I'm actually kinda sweet and loving. I try to thank her everyday, I do what I can to make her days a little easier, I run grab her water if I can tell she isn't feeling well, I walk behind her to make sure I can catch her if she slips on the ice. Secretly, I am really friendly and loving. I hope I'm worth the extra trouble.

[Focus62]

I too have a slight grin sometimes when talking about something very painful...though often pointed toward the floor. It's just something I do...my T hasn't said anything to me about it but I'm sure she notices. I try not to..it mostly worries me because I fear my T would think I'm lying and that I'm smiling because I'm getting away with it.