What does this mean?

how did you push her back? It seems to me that therapists are addicted to candyfloss and sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and hugs and clients!

from my point of view she is telling you a positive thing, about your relationship, that its growing, on the other hand its only 14 sessions, if my t told me that, knowing me, I would analyze the #@# out of it, she knows me well so she would not say that to me, she does tell me, she is working on my vulnurability and trying to be more open , which is really what I need to do.

Yeah, when i first read it i was like "awwwww, really?" and then i re read it and was like, maybe it doesn't mean what i think it means.... and basically over-analysed the crap out of it until i had no idea what she meant by it.
I *think* she meant we are getting to know each other better now and beginning to work as a team- maybe, i dunno.
It's the first time she's really alluded to how she feels about how things are going. Whether she likes working with me or not.

But then what she said doesn't prove she likes me at all, just that we're working well together.

If my pdoc or t ever used a lot of this therapy lingo with my I would groan! I am studying to become a t myself and I can't imagine myself saying or doing some of the things I read on here. I guess I'm not the warm and fuzzy type but I guess I'm going to have to learn :-)

The therapeutic alliance is when the client and T begin to really work together as a team to combat whatever issues you have. So she's saying that your teamwork is becoming stronger and you are working together more and better. It's a great thing!

HA! Asia - I just counted up my meets with my T - this morning's was my 14th appointment with him. I found that funny.

He's also told me a few times that he's working on building the relationship with me and that his goal is to show me that I CAN trust someone and not get abandoned. And he's said a few times that he can see that I am starting to open up more.

And similar to you, I've had the "Ok so we're working together better and I'm opening up more... but I bet he really doesn't like me." Clearly this must be a natural response on our ends!

Does it matter if the therapist likes you or not? I don't especially like her and as long as she refrains from saying things like team and alliance and so forth, I will continue to go and pay her to sit there

For some of us it does. It's hard to describe why it matters to me - but it does. If he didn't like me at all, and he knows more about me than anyone else, then why would anyone like me for who I actually am? And other such thoughts I suppose. For me it is probably just a form of rejection - if someone doesn't like me, they've rejected me. That's fine when it's someone that I have little interaction with and where neither of us knows much about the other... but my T? He knows more about my emotions and issues than anyone else does.

I would not be able to talk to one who I cared if they liked me or not. Just different approaches

If I like the therapist then it's important to me that they like me back but that's my personality- I'm sensitive to rejection. But I don't connect with all therapists, so it depends.

If they spoke to me using the terms you mention I would have a harder time liking them or at least taking them seriously :-)

However if they had good skills and were helpful I would probably still see them.

I really want to pretend it doesn't matter and i don't care, but for me, yes it matters, i care deeply about what most people think about me, it's all wrapped up neatly in my self-esteem.
And i wouldn't show my enemy or someone who didn't like me, my vulnerable side so if my therapist doesn't like me or is very neutral about me, i don't feel safe. It's a matter of survival

"A strong therapeutic alliance is evident when the client feels comfortable with the therapist, has a sense of common goals or purpose with the therapist, and feels a sense of safety and trust in the therapy process (...)"

Asiablue,

I did not read all the other responses, so excuse me for that. I believe she means you are opening up to her more easily and thereby she is able to get a better idea of what is going on with you (and how to better help you). I imagine the exchanges between both of you are deeper and more meaningful, thereby leading to a more therapeutic experience for both of you. (Any good therapist probably feels good if they are experiencing a connection with a client and sees the relationship moving towards a very positive experience.) I think this sounds like a really great thing, if you are able to trust her and know that therapy is a "safe" place for you to be and get the help you need? It sounds like a very nice chance for you to grow!

Your best bet would be to ask her what she meant What I understand from it is that you two have been gaining more mutual trust and shown commitment to the therapeutic relationship, which may now open new doors in your therapy. Maybe she thinks you feel safer bringing more sensitive topics to therapy or that you are more in contact with her, things like that.
Basically, when a therapist says that, it means that things are going well in your therapy. It's progress.

This does not describe the situation with a therapist and me.

Asia - is this the sort of thing you want with a therapist or that you find useful?

I dunno but it sounds like she feels it's a good thing......I don't think I have a strong enough alliance with mine cause he has been asking me if I feel safe and if there is anything different he can do that would help I'm not sure what would be different if I did feel safe. Although - To me, the minute I would start depending for real on my T, the sooner things would fall apart. That's my fear, anyways...

i don't know if i want it.

Yes, i suppose i do want it. But it makes me crazy also. Too many emotions fly around when i start needing my therapist, but i don't know how to avoid bonding with them it just seems to happen and then i turn into angry-needy-demanding-avoidant-client

I'm a much better human when i keep a decent distance from therapists.

Asia, I shows great self awareness that you are noticing these feelings towards your t. You are so intent in fighting them with this t and your last t but can you think of it like this, if you don't face this attachment you have towards your ts it will be there forever.
Do you trust this t enough to work this tough with her?
I know she is relatively new to you but I think that because you are starting to trust her and become attached that you are afraid of all of these emotions surfacing again and you want to push her away?

An "alliance," as I understand it, is two, or more, parties working toward a mutual goal. In your case, the goal is to try and resolve whatever issues brought you into therapy. So she is saying that she thinks the therapy is going well and that you are making progress and that she feels she is being helpful to you. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with anybody getting "attached" IMHO. Naturally, if things are going well, you will develop an emotional attachment. It is likely to be stronger on your part than on hers. That is normal.

To me her remark means that she senses some mutual respect between the two of you and she feels good about that.

I'm not attached to her. But i can see how i might become attached if i allow it. I have no idea if she's trustworthy or good at her job, she's good at keeping boundaries which is a good sign i guess.

good point!