[Scorpion Boy]

I am male, 30 years old. I began seeing a therapist at age 26, for bipolar II, anxiety, substance abuse, and relationship issues.
I never felt violated, but I have some concerns about her practice and about the new therapist I have started to just today.

The therapist I had in 2009-2012, was very nice. To be honest, she was court appointed initially. After my 9 months of court appointed therapy ended, she agreed to an aftercare treatment in which she would see me as needed. First, off she interviewed me in jail. In jail you surrounded by men and rarely if ever see women. Just the way it is.

I met her in what is known as a contact visit, and I was in a rough space. Imagine this, no sexual release for a few weeks, all 40 of the guys you live with are mean, suspicious of each other, the only escape for a lot of the guys is substance abuse (meds, bootlegged alcohol, and drugs smuggled in to the facility). Then one day you are called for a contact visit unexpectedly. A contact visit is when you meet visitor with no glass between you. You are in the same room, maybe handcuffed, maybe not, and you speak for 15 minutes to as much as 90 minutes. This is usually with a lawyer or in this case a social worker. I hadn't touched a women in weeks. All of a sudden I was in a room with one, buxom one actually and very pretty and extremely nice to me. It was the best thing that happened to me while in jail.

After trial and sentencing it turns out she is my court appointed therapist. I had no other choice. Nothing sexual ever happened. I had casually mentioned that I had certain sexual fetishes that I was comfortable with. She smiled and asked what they were. I said replied by stating that everybody has them. After that, she would ask me to show her my tattoos, caught her looking at my crotch and playing with her hair while she bit her lip. Very obvious signs of sexual attraction were visible to me. I noticed she started wearing more makeup, curling her hair, showing cleavage and my sex life started to become a common topic. I admit, I had a good time with this and enjoyed the female attention in therapy and out of therapy from girlfriends and what not. We worked together until the end of 2012. She said she wanted me to work with another psychologist, who did EMDR and other types of stuff with me. He was very aloof, I had no rapport, he always wanted to talk about books, show me his writing, I accomplished nothing in four months. I terminated that myself and had the original therapist to see if we could begin again. She no longer worked with the courts. She had become a social worker for the public defender. One day, i got a call from her, about 8 months after therapy ended. And we saw each other more casually and just caught up about once a month. I contacted her in emotional distress last monday after the new year. She offered me to see her off hours in the public defenders office as early as 5 in the morning or as late as 8 o'clock at night. I decided to meet her the next day because it was urgent. I was about to breakdown. I wound up in the ER for suicidal ideation, didn't sleep for awhile, and called her to ask if we could meet out of the office because I didn't want to be around lawyers and DAs and criminals and the stuff you see in the public defender.

So we meet at a coffee shop next door, I tell what I am going through and she tells me how much I mean to her. She begins to rub my hand and my shoulder and ran her fingers through my hair a bit. I did not touch her or respond. She did ask if I was okay with it and I said I was. It was pretty obvious that our therapy had ended over a year ago. She told me she had cervical cancer which is usually caused by HPV, if you know what that is, you know how she got it. as I left the coffee shop with her, she told me she loved me and gave me her phone number and asked if she could visit me at home. Then I drove away and stopped at a light and texted her "I love you, too. You helped a lot and basically changed how I look at life." She offered to come check on me in the evening. Which she did, with her husband/boyfriend who naturally I never met. She didn't come inside and left. We texted all night. Just stuff about what I was going through. I also was making calls to new therapists in order to set up an appointment. I called maybe a dozen, both male and female, got three or four call backs. Got a bad feeling about one, turned away by two cause of insurance, and got a call from another female.

I walked into her office today and I was stunned. I am so sexually attracted to her. She is completely my type. Hair color, body, everything. Around my age too. we had our first session. She asked if I looked at porn, she asked if I had sex at a traumatic party I went to in my past, when I spoke of my background in martial arts and how it had helped me, she said "That's bad Ace" except she didn't use the word Ace if you know what I mean. Then she said she wanted to seem everyday until I stabilized. Then I commented on her computer and told her I loved computers. I should contact you outside of session and maybe you can show me a few things. WTF? she also gave me her cell number and said text me anytime. What is going on? What should I do? What should I do with an ex therapist contacting me through out the day, and a new therapist offering the things she did and saying the things she said? any insight is welcome. Thanks in advance to everybody who is going to reply. I am seriously confused, and vey emotionally vulnerable at this point.

[Miswimmy1]

It definitely sounds like some boundaries were/are being blurred. Any type of sexual behavior is not ok between a client/therapist. Even if the therapist gave you her number, it is up to her to set the boundaries. Not you. It doesn't matter if she is not your therapist anymore. It is not ok. You should report any/both of them. I'm not sure who you report them to but if they have a supervisor or a clinic that they work for, I would start there. If they were a court appointed social worker, I'm sure there's a public board of health or something. Reporting them will prevent their misbehavior affecting anyone else.

You seem clear that she is not a good therapist for you. If you take that part out of the equation it is still a ad situation. You don't come off as stable enough for a relationship even a casual one. If you are confused about the messages you probably should be. It shouldn't be that ambiguous. For her part, she has some sort of partner? That's just wrong. It looks like a recipe for disaster. The emotional consequences could be really bad. I suggest cutting ties and moving on. You can report her too. That is something you need to feel ok with.

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[shezbut]

That's really sad, Scorpion Boy.

I agree that these T's should be reported for completely inappropriate & sexual behavior. You are not being helped. Therefore, they are not doing what they're paid to do, and they're doing you a huge disservice as they get their kicks! Very wrong.

You need to be able to work through these emotions and traumatizing experiences that you've had. Maybe you should go with a "safe" type of T for now, one whom you have no physical interest in whatsoever, so you can focus upon yourself feeling better. I can assure you, you will always carry these things with you (no matter where you are). If you aren't "okay" with yourself, that's when we create even more problems for ourselves to work through. Please do keep that in mind for motivation to not give up on trying to feel better by going to therapy.

The two women that you got hooked up to are truly in the minority. But, yes, unfortunately T's like these do exist. Please do give therapy another try. In my experience, it does take time and work to get the right fit with a T so that you can open up to them in entirely. It isn't an immediate thing that we automatically allow people in to see our emotional world. You need to build a healthy relationship with a T whose mission is to help guide you through your personal journey in understanding & accepting yourself.

Very best wishes to you!