[purple orchid]

So, I did it. I told my T that I've become dependent on them.
His reply was " so, what do you think you should do about it?"
I was a bit baffled but said I can either carry on therapy for ever or quit. Both stupid answers really but I was put on the spot and wasn't expecting it to be thrown back at me so quickly!
I feel great for getting it out in the open as I had been holding it inside for months
So, I was wondering what did all you lovely people on PC do to overcome this dependency on your T's and therapy? It has to end eventually right?

[Leah123]

I'm so pleased you shared that! I've read, and experienced, that successful, healing, growth-filled psychotherapy requires some dependency. We rely on caring people with perspective to compassionately witness our pain, support us and re-teach us how to live successfully, how to be happier. It's not something that can be taught in a sterile environment I don't think.

I don't think your answers were stupid- they just show where you are at with it, and I'm a bit sorry your T didn't say something more affirming, but... that's T for you.

The whole thing about the dependency is that as you gain from therapy, it diminishes naturally, until you're ready to do without it. No need to force anything or worry about it, which I know, can be easier said than done!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by purple orchid

So, I did it. I told my T that I've become dependent on them.
His reply was " so, what do you think you should do about it?"
I was a bit baffled but said I can either carry on therapy for ever or quit. Both stupid answers really but I was put on the spot and wasn't expecting it to be thrown back at me so quickly!
I feel great for getting it out in the open as I had been holding it inside for months
So, I was wondering what did all you lovely people on PC do to overcome this dependency on your T's and therapy? It has to end eventually right?

I'm glad you told your T! Good for you. I've never heard that reply/question back from a T, but it's interesting! Did he discuss it anymore after you answered him?

I know you'll get different answers from others. In my case, I've been dependent on a number of Ts. I was able to leave a couple of them successfully, but in other cases my only solution (which was only a temporary solution!) was to see another T and become dependent on that one.

I don't recommend that, but time went on and I've seen my current T for almost 4 years. I'm not sure if dependency/attachment are interchangeable or not, but if you're talking about thinking about your T all the time, and not imagining life without the T, then that's the way it's been for me. However, there is light at the end of my tunnel. Hopefully, for you it won't be as painful as for me. Over and over I've had to realize that my T is NOT going to be a substitute for real life. She's my coach and teacher, but I'm the one who has to get out onto the field and play, WITHOUT her! That fact is finally sinking in, and I'm doing better. She cheers me on, and we have a close relationship, but I'm slowly separating from her. I don't know exactly how I got to this point; it's been difficult. I've had my dreams shattered over and over, until I realized I have to change my dreams so they do not involve my T as the main character. There's a lot out in the world. My T is always going to be inside of me, in my heart, but I'm not going to be dependent on her. (I can't believe I'm writing this!!)

[purple orchid]

Thanks Leah123.
My T just kind of said, thanks for sharing it and we'll work on it another time.
( we had some more important issues to talk about at the time)
Still feels good that I've got it out.. I really hope it will diminish naturally or I could have a problem on my hands..

[purple orchid]

Dear Rainbow8,
Ahhhh I really understand how you feel but it does seem from your message that you are making some progress, good for you.

[rothfan6]

I don't think your answer to his question was stupid. It was honest. I would say "run" if my T asked that
But that's just me.

[Rzay4]

Thankfully I haven't had any of these problems okay I'll admit one of my Ts I became very attached to. We have the same name and she really helped me. We did a closure session back in November but I miss her terribly. Good luck.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by purple orchid

Thanks Leah123.

My T just kind of said, thanks for sharing it and we'll work on it another time.

( we had some more important issues to talk about at the time)

Still feels good that I've got it out.. I really hope it will diminish naturally or I could have a problem on my hands..

Good for you for being open about that with your T. To know that about yourself shows you have a lot of self awareness.

Your T sounds just like my Pdoc :-)...he would say something just like that. I liked that approach of asking what it means to you. Maybe it's ok right now and not a big deal. It's normal if they are helping you and should subside over time.

How did you feel about his response? Were you looking for something more or did you feel ok about it?

[purple orchid]

Originally Posted by amee200

Good for you for being open about that with your T. To know that about yourself shows you have a lot of self awareness.

Your T sounds just like my Pdoc :-)...he would say something just like that. I liked that approach of asking what it means to you. Maybe it's ok right now and not a big deal. It's normal if they are helping you and should subside over time.

How did you feel about his response? Were you looking for something more or did you feel ok about it?

Thanks Amee200 for your reply. My T is a Pdoc too.
He's always trying to make me think for myself and sort my own problems out which is good I suppose.
I felt ok about his response but I need to discuss these feelings with him further and I will bring it up again (now that last time I did it went ok!) I need to work through these feelings.
Therapy creates a good but one sided relationship, it's a bit bizarre.

[purple orchid]

Originally Posted by Rzay4

Thankfully I haven't had any of these problems okay I'll admit one of my Ts I became very attached to. We have the same name and she really helped me. We did a closure session back in November but I miss her terribly. Good luck.

Hi Rzay4, would you mind sharing what happens in a closure session?
Sorry you are missing your T, it must be hard.

[Elektra_]

wait.. u can be dependent on them and still need them! is not the case??

I don't know if I will ever get there myself, but those of you that are so brave and honest with your feelings amaze me

[always_wondering]

Originally Posted by purple orchid

So, I did it. I told my T that I've become dependent on them.
His reply was " so, what do you think you should do about it?"
I was a bit baffled but said I can either carry on therapy for ever or quit. Both stupid answers really but I was put on the spot and wasn't expecting it to be thrown back at me so quickly!
I feel great for getting it out in the open as I had been holding it inside for months
So, I was wondering what did all you lovely people on PC do to overcome this dependency on your T's and therapy? It has to end eventually right?

I have told my T I was dependent on him. He agreed, gave me a big smile and set on fixing the root of the problem. We did some inner child work, which was very helpful and eye opening for me, but unfortunately, did nothing for the transference issue.

So, I have done some further research and realize it may never fully go away. I just need to understand he fills a void, it feels good and I must take the steps myself to let go. This is normal, and from reading all of the posts here and elsewhere I am not alone!

I have sorted out in my brain he is my T and this is it. It will never be more. It is such a hard and difficult thought. He told me this from the very first day, but I had no idea what it really meant. He said he would never be my friend and he was not kidding! Ouch, it really hurts.

Sometimes I am strong, and become the adult. Then, when I get an email or a text from T, I burst out in tears. I am not moved very easily, but this really shakes me! Wow, he thought of me!

I keep saying the same thing in my posts. It is time for me to move on, but I don't think I am quite ready to let go. It is beginning to get painfully obvious in our sessions that the end is nearing. I know, when I do take the step, it is going to hurt for a very long time afterward. Not fun! (I actually did try to leave once, it lasted 5 weeks and I came back to him with my tail between my legs and admitted I could not go it alone)

So, Purple Orchid, I don't know how close your relationship is with your T, but if you are as attached to your T as I am to mine, it won't be easy to let go. But, there is hope. I have read many blogs from people who say, over time, the dependency will fade, and I hope this is true for both me and you.