[DelusionsDaily]

Ok so this might seem kind of frivolous but I'm getting this weird sense that something bad is going to happen soon. Normally when this happens I crash into a depression.

So I have literally spent 15 minutes trying to figure out if there's any legitimacy to that feeling. Right now I just don't have the outward signs that a depression is coming. But that "sense" still lingers.

If anything, things keep getting better. I mean therapy and group DBT are great. I mean aside from the fact that T will be going on maternity leave very SOON. I just spent a couple hours a day organizing and reorganizing my room to my satisfaction...which for someone like me who is normally a disorganized mess that is a HUGE sign things are getting better. I mean just everything seems on the up and up.

So why this stupid feeling? Maybe it's more fear? I don't know I just wish it would go away. I hate when that irrational craziness seeps in on my "life is good" parade.

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[sweepy62]

Usually when things are going well for me, I get a sense of doom because I know I'm expecting something bad to follow . I know it's irrational but it happens so I spiral as if something bad is on it's way and I can't control it, if that makes sense. Ironically something does go wrong. In your case maybe you can't believe that your doing so great and you are uncomfortable with it. Maybe?

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[AllyIsHopeful]

I get the same way when have premonitions. Depression hits hard until I figure out why I feel this way. I think it is because every time I get these feelings, they have historically been true. It's just a matter of knowing exactly what is going to happen.

[DelusionsDaily]

Sweepy you might be on to something there. I mean I do have a hard time believing I am doing so well. It's almost unreal to me that things are so good. Don't get me wrong I know it's because I am doing the work to get and stay well. But I never thought it would truly happen no matter what I did. I wish I could just enjoy the good time without always worrying about the bad coming around.

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[Favorite Jeans]

Almost every time I'm about to head out on a trip I get this premonition that something terrible is going to happen. I've come to realize this is how my anxiety manifests. So now I can tell myself "if I'm truly too overwhelmed to go on a trip (or take whatever risk) right now, that's okay but don't cancel the trip on the grounds of 'what if we get hijacked?'"

I think when you're used to things going wrong and having a lot of internal chaos it's hard to trust that everything is really more or less okay. It feels a bit unsafe. But that premonition is usually just a clever disguise for ordinary anxiety. It's not fortune telling unless you let it become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

[unaluna]

For me it meant my mother was going to call after not calling for x months. A previous t called it magical thinking. I would say it was my defining attribute, no joke. But it seems like it hasnt come up lately. Maybe i broke the curse. One thing i have been doing differently is making plans. I havent really been following through, but for a long time i didnt even want to make any plans because i was just adrenal-exhausted - i couldnt get my hopes up and then disappoint myself yet again. The point of what i am trying to say is - stick with it - it can eventually get better. But its like you have to stop looking! Its a b1tch.