[Petra5ed]

I've thought this before, but now it's just striking me on another level, like reality is finally settling in. For me therapy has been a lot about feeling overly attached to someone I don't even know, who becomes almost like an imaginary friend to me when the session is over. It occurred to me this morning after reading some article about dependency in therapy, just how 'sad' this is. The article talked about how truly sad it was, that people became so attached to T's because growing up they didn't have anyone to fill their need to be loved, and likely don't now as well. It went on to say that even a caring spouse couldn't always fill the gap. I've always felt sad and pathetic, but now I know why and how justified I was.

[Freewilled]

Wow - that is really insightful, Petra. The imaginary friend thing is so much like how I feel about my T. Do you think this is something most clients feel about their Ts or is it unique to those who didn't feel loved growing up? Do you have a link to the article?

[unaluna]

Depends on if you're an optimist or a pessimist. Is the glass half empty or half full? You have this "condition" and there is a "cure" - you wont end up like it never happened, but you can end up better than when you started. If you hit bottom, you dont have to stay there. How your family of origin or whoever saw you, doesnt have to define who you are for the rest of your life. That was just chance, who you were born to. Now it's your choice, what to do next.

[Mactastic]

I am so, so, so embarrassed to admit this but...I really understand the imaginary friend thing. Wow. I sometimes catch myself talking to my T (either in my head or quietly to myself.) It's almost like I'm rehearsing something I want to say. I hope I'm not the only one that does this!

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I am so, so, so embarrassed to admit this but...I really understand the imaginary friend thing. Wow. I sometimes catch myself talking to my T (either in my head or quietly to myself.) It's almost like I'm rehearsing something I want to say. I hope I'm not the only one that does this!

I've told this story before, so apologies for repeating it... I once conducted an imaginary conversation with T, out loud, when I was standing at a bus stop in a deserted street. When I turned around, T was right in front of me, he'd walked up from behind when I was turned in the other direction. (I wasn't speaking very loudly and T just said "hello" and walked on - I don't think he could really have heard me, and definitely not what I was saying. But that was kind of a moment!)

And yes, I do it very often.

To respond to the OP, I think it's a bit patronising of the article writers to say that people who want affection are "sad". It's a normal human need. (I haven't read the article, but if it made you feel sad and pathetic for wanting to have that aching void filled, it sounds more cruel than insightful.)

[Mactastic]

Do you have a link to this article?

[CameraObscura]

Imaginary friend is a really good way to describe it. Thanks for posting it.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Wow - that is really insightful, Petra. The imaginary friend thing is so much like how I feel about my T. Do you think this is something most clients feel about their Ts or is it unique to those who didn't feel loved growing up? Do you have a link to the article?

Thanks. I was actually in a self-pitying mood when I wrote that, but there is some positive to take away for sure. I think that most clients who see the same T for a longer period of time will feel attached, but I think ones with troubled childhoods might be prone to a more extreme form of attachment. You know, I scoured the internet trying to find that article and I cant... sorry about that.

Originally Posted by Hankster

You have this "condition" and there is a "cure" - you wont end up like it never happened, but you can end up better than when you started. If you hit bottom, you dont have to stay there. How your family of origin or whoever saw you, doesnt have to define who you are for the rest of your life. That was just chance, who you were born to. Now it's your choice, what to do next.

I really liked this since it attacked my self pitying mood. You are right. One of my favorite quotes: Positive Attitude Quotes: My Destiny, My Choice

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I am so, so, so embarrassed to admit this but...I really understand the imaginary friend thing.

Well don't be because I feel the same way , and the internet has all sorts of info on it. Once I realized how common it was I could discuss it in therapy, and my T's reaction just confirmed how common it is, never batted an eye.

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I've told this story before, so apologies for repeating it... I once conducted an imaginary conversation with T, out loud, when I was standing at a bus stop in a deserted street. When I turned around, T was right in front of me, he'd walked up from behind when I was turned in the other direction.

That is awesome in a way, almost like the universe was trying to tell you something. Did you ever discuss it with your therapist? I'm not sure I could hold that in, but could see it being awkward to bring up.

Originally Posted by CameraObscura

Imaginary friend is a really good way to describe it. Thanks for posting it.

Thanks for thanking me

[unaluna]

Thanks - that looks like a great website. I didnt mean to be unsupportive or pushy. I think it's important to figure out and really feel and describe where you are, where you're starting from. It IS sad. It's ironic that my t is always asking what im feeeeeeling, then when we say something like this, we're pushed off it to the "next step" right away. Sorry i did that. I kinda wobble back and forth - i can do this, i can't do this!

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by CameraObscura

Imaginary friend is a really good way to describe it. Thanks for posting it.

I agree. I was just trying to think about how to explain this "phenomenon" to my T this week. It's like one relationship while you're in session, then this mysterious one in-between sessions.

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

That is awesome in a way, almost like the universe was trying to tell you something. Did you ever discuss it with your therapist? I'm not sure I could hold that in, but could see it being awkward to bring up.

No, I never did. He didn't bring it up either. I had only been seeing him for a couple of months and did not feel comfortable bringing it up. I think I would probably have done it if it had been today. It's more than a year ago, now.