[sweepy62]

In my first transition phase with my current t and the new t , the new t confused me by asking me these questions.

1. How can I help you to trust me so we can build a relationship?

2. Where would you like to start from when we have our first session jan 30th

I was baffled with the two questions I kinda shut down momentarily.

I haven't had a first session yet and I'm confused , she says she looks foward to working with me and that it will be long term.

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1. I'd just say please give me the time to adjust to this difficult change. This is going to take time Sweepy. You know that. Don't put any expectation on yourself to reach "trust" on any timeline. Also, don't put any expectation on your new T to somehow make you "trust" any time soon. You need space. She needs to be given the benefit of the doubt at first. The temptation will be to nitpick her every word and move to find reasons not to trust her. You are BOTH going to need to have great patience with each other during this process. Neither one of you can do this alone. Ask for patience.

2.This one I have no idea how to answer because I'm not all that up on the details of your needs other than this T change. If you are not comfortable talking about really heavy issues at first, that might be something to let her know. Maybe you just need to get to know each other a bit for a few weeks. That would be a trust building exercise in itself.

I might consider taking photos that are important to me as prompts for meaningful thought and discussion. That gives you control over content to a great extent, a bit of forethought that might help you feel more comfortable that you will have something to talk about, and allows you to ease into talking about those people, places, and things are important to you in some way.

[CantExplain]

I'm fairly trusting anyway.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Those are some "loaded" questions.

I am having to rebuild trust with my T atm. She told me last week to tell her what I needed from her to trust her again. I told her: "Have you ever asked someone for something you need, but then wonder if they did it only because you asked or if because they really cared?" I told her it was the same thing with her. She needs to prove to me she's trustworthy through her actions not simply because she does something I ask her to do. She understood...she gave me a hug after session w/o me having to ask. Though she also knows that hug didn't solve everything.

If you don't have an answer to either of those questions, it's okay. Just be patient with yourself, and go at the pace you feel comfortable with.

[Raging Quiet]

Perhaps you can write down these questions and think of some answers to share when you next see her? You are the only expert on yourself.

[Hoppery]

1) I would say just see how your sessions are. Go with the flow sort of speak. That's what i'm doing and so far, it's going okay.

2) Write down a list of your issues and see where she thinks would be best to start.

I'm going through the same thing with A. right now. Except, I have never had anyone before like this. It's my first and he isn't exactly a T but clearly has some experience with it. Enough to try to help me.

[Ambra]

Hi Sweepy, as for me I took a while before opening up again as I felt abandoned and didn't trust my current t. We started with lighter topics and the fact that she's never pushed me helped a lot. I considered never going too deep again but after a while I felt like I was depriving therapy of something and felt safe and was willing to really talk to t. You can ask her to give you some time to adjust and see how you feel with her, I think trust will come itself when you are ready.

I don't know if you like writing, but I usually forget the important things as soon as I step into t's office, especially when I'm tense or very tired. As others wrote, maybe you can write your thoughts, concerns and the things/topics you feel you can start with while you are quiet and alone. And you can bring it in and have a look at it with t.

Good job about the session by the way.

I think any therapist worth their sort, would know trust developed over time. Asking what she could do appears to contrived.
Half the time we don't even know, until we experience it than we know.

[Canyon]

Maybe you could think of things that helped you to trust another T? Often times trust isn't earned by what someone says but little things that they do/don't do that can show you that they deserve your trust. What kind of things make more at ease?

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

1. I'd just say please give me the time to adjust to this difficult change. This is going to take time Sweepy. You know that. Don't put any expectation on yourself to reach "trust" on any timeline. Also, don't put any expectation on your new T to somehow make you "trust" any time soon. You need space. She needs to be given the benefit of the doubt at first. The temptation will be to nitpick her every word and move to find reasons not to trust her. You are BOTH going to need to have great patience with each other during this process. Neither one of you can do this alone. Ask for patience.

2.This one I have no idea how to answer because I'm not all that up on the details of your needs other than this T change. If you are not comfortable talking about really heavy issues at first, that might be something to let her know. Maybe you just need to get to know each other a bit for a few weeks. That would be a trust building exercise in itself.

I might consider taking photos that are important to me as prompts for meaningful thought and discussion. That gives you control over content to a great extent, a bit of forethought that might help you feel more comfortable that you will have something to talk about, and allows you to ease into talking about those people, places, and things are important to you in some way.

thank you so much, i figure that i could show her pics of my siblings and such, so she could start getting to know family of origin, thats is a good first step right . I do like taking pics.I was just wondering why would a t ask me to help her to trust her, I am so stressed out right now with stuff going on outside of therapy, plus the whole therapy thing, that i found it so mind boggling but yes, i did tell her that i am expecting the first sessions of awkwardness.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Those are some "loaded" questions.

I am having to rebuild trust with my T atm. She told me last week to tell her what I needed from her to trust her again. I told her: "Have you ever asked someone for something you need, but then wonder if they did it only because you asked or if because they really cared?" I told her it was the same thing with her. She needs to prove to me she's trustworthy through her actions not simply because she does something I ask her to do. She understood...she gave me a hug after session w/o me having to ask. Though she also knows that hug didn't solve everything.

If you don't have an answer to either of those questions, it's okay. Just be patient with yourself, and go at the pace you feel comfortable with.

thank you , those were superloaded questions for the first time meeting her, thank god my current t was there, i just looked at my t, with a billion question marks on top of my head.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Hi Sweepy, as for me I took a while before opening up again as I felt abandoned and didn't trust my current t. We started with lighter topics and the fact that she's never pushed me helped a lot. I considered never going too deep again but after a while I felt like I was depriving therapy of something and felt safe and was willing to really talk to t. You can ask her to give you some time to adjust and see how you feel with her, I think trust will come itself when you are ready.

I don't know if you like writing, but I usually forget the important things as soon as I step into t's office, especially when I'm tense or very tired. As others wrote, maybe you can write your thoughts, concerns and the things/topics you feel you can start with while you are quiet and alone. And you can bring it in and have a look at it with t.

Good job about the session by the way.

I love writing, I carry a note book, where I have my current stressors of the here and now sectioned off, and then I have another section for the past csa then I have ptsd flashbacks and nightmares ect... that will not be shared with her anytime soon, the new t has told me in front of my current t, that she has big shoes to fill, and understands my anxiety, but wishes i can help her with my trust issue towards her, and i told her i didnt have and answer, the only thing i said was, that i like consistency in a t, honesty humor, not to beat around the bush, and to be a real person with me.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

thank you so much, i figure that i could show her pics of my siblings and such, so she could start getting to know family of origin, thats is a good first step right . I do like taking pics.I was just wondering why would a t ask me to help her to trust her, I am so stressed out right now with stuff going on outside of therapy, plus the whole therapy thing, that i found it so mind boggling but yes, i did tell her that i am expecting the first sessions of awkwardness.

I would suspect it is probably a no-brainier that trust will be an issue considering your situation.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I would suspect it is probably a no-brainier that trust will be an issue considering your situation.

You are correct, besides, my t had a meeting wih her earlier in the week, and before I came in they also spoke, my t spoke about my trust issues.

So it bothered me that knowing this, new t would ask how I can help her gain trust, the first 20 minutes of knowing me. Maybe its just me maybe im nit picking, but t1 and t2 never asked those questions.