[insane..ly smart]

I just need some advice and suggestions...

About three weeks ago, I got a call from my therapist's (now former) supervisor, stating she is no longer working there. I was shocked. Its funny how things work out for me because I was going to finally tell her how I felt about her, after lots of preparation (I have a romantic transference toward her - very intense). Anyway I forwarded a letter telling her how her leaving so suddenly, without notice, was detrimental to me and I am now grieving because of it (I didn't mention my transference). After about a week from sending the letter, I received a call from my former therapist, she told me she got laid off. So I asked her if she is still working as a therapist and she said she is working in a private... thingy. I didn't outright ask her if I could get to be her client again because I kind of did in my letter. Basically I still want her back as my therapist, but I dont know if I can. Would it be weird/creepy and considered stalking if I were to schedule an appointment at her new private practice (or whatever you'd call it)? I had to so some sleuth work (not really) on the computer/internet to find out where she is working now and I am considering simply calling her and setting up an appointment, but like I said, would it be weird? I cant simply let this go, I want her back and her only, this whole ordeal has made me more depressed, and worse off than I was before I started attending therapy, and if I could get her back as my therapist, all of this grief would go away. What should I do? Can she deny me as a client? Should I call her and set up an appointment or would that be too far and too much (creepy)?

please help me, thanks.

[insane..ly smart]

by the way i just want to talk to her about the transference, nothing more. i do not expect (or even want, for it would void the therapeutic relationship and process) a romantic counter-transference. the way i feel about her isn't why i want her back so much, i want her back so i can talk to her about the way i feel toward her.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. It sounds really hard.

Here's how I see it: Contacting a professional, in their professional capacity, is not weird or stalkerish at all. If you found out where she lived and went to her house and rang her doorbell - that would be a different matter, but this is about her job, and she's got to have clients. It is weird that she didn't mention the possibility of you continuing with her, but there are lots of possible reasons for that. Perhaps her fees are much higher now and so she didn't want to put you in a position which might be financially difficult for you. Perhaps she has to take over clients at the practice where she works now and has a full schedule. Perhaps it's just a principle thing, that you have to ask outright, because she feels that she is not supposed to suggest it. Perhaps something different altogether.

But in any case I don't think there is anything wrong with your asking for an appointment, even if it's just a closure session. She is in her right to deny clients, but from what you write here there's no reason to think that she would, unless her schedule is truly completely full.

[anilam]

Welcome on PC

No, not weird at all- many clients follow their Ts, I know I would.
Just call and ask her directly if you could come. It could happen though that she is not covered by your insurance (common thing with Ts in private practice)- so be prepared to be asked to pay out of pocket if you haven't already.

I would call and ask to set up an appointment. You may feel you've implied or suggested you don't want to stop working with her, but, ethics and all, therapists generally don't 'chase' or pursue clients. I think you maybe have to go to her and ask if she will continue to see you (assuming insurance/fees aren't a problem). Good luck. I know it's wrenching for therapy to apparently come to an abrupt halt like that.

[Raging Quiet]

I sounds really difficult.

I saw my t in an educational setting first, then found her again a year later in the private setting.

If there's a will; there's a way.

[Hoppery]

Welcome to PC

Hmm
Okay, it seems like it's something that niether you or your T expected to happen. If you feel like you got along with her, don't hold back on giving her a ring. I am sure that if you two have a close-ish relationship, she will understand that some of her clients will find out where she is to continue their sessions with her. She would also, understand that it isn't easy when something like your situation happens so suddenly. And that changing to a new T, isn't that easy.

She probably could not suggest to you that you come back to be under her again, you would have to ask her out right. What A. told me is, "if you don't ask, I can't tell you!" It isn't weird or creepy. It isn't stalking. All it is, is a client who wants to continue their therapy with the same person. It is within' her rights to deny you, but if you two get along okay, then she shouldn't. But do prepare yourself for the possibility of her saying no.

Call her, ask her and find out if you can continue to see her. If you don't, you will never know.

[Rose76]

I agree totally with Mastodon. I don't think it would be weird at all. There may have been an impediment to her telling you she was leaving and indicating that you could follow her to her new practice. Doing that might have violated some understanding between her and her old employer. I had a therapist once who was leaving where I was getting treatment and who told me where she was going to. Since you found out on your own, there would be no ethical or etiquette barriers to you seeking her out . . . none that I know of.

[insane..ly smart]

thanks for the reply's. given me a lot of hope and confidence. though i am worried that something i said in my letter may have scared her off, for it was unprofessional, regardless, i was just being honest. i told her basically, that she meant more to me than just a therapist, that to me she was essentially a human being helping another human being and that meant a lot to me. though i didn't say it like that, i said it in a much more poetic way that might have come off as well... unprofessional and - i hate to use the word again but - 'creepy'. i hope that isn't an "impediment" when it comes to me getting her back.

also, i understand what you people are saying about she cant outright ask me, that i have to ask her, but i did and there wasn't a response. perhaps i just asked her in an indirect way and, i am technically still attending the organization that she left, but since the ordeal i have now developed a serious hate for them and will not be returning. though, she doesn't know that. it sucks that i will now have to pay for therapy, but luckily there is a "sliding scale". ugh, the anxiety is overwhelming, i hope that i can get her back.

[JayneJohnson49]

I also agree it isn't weird or creepy. Due to her separation agreement she probably isn't legally allowed to ask clients follow her or reach out them directly providing her new practice info. I'm not sure what country you're in but many times that is how separation agreements work for therapists, doctors, lawyers, accountants, investment brokers.... Now, if you call and ask her to have a session I don't see a legal issue. However, I can understand in your phone call why she didn't automatically say "hey, let's schedule you a session." as that could be seen as a violation.

So in the end, yes, call T and request a session! Be prepared she might have to say No and if she does please ask her why. Everything I and others listed, ie, she might have a full case load, have nothing to do with YOU.

[ScrewedUpMe]

I think you should definitely call and ask for an appointment. If it's any help, I started out seeing my T for free as an outpatient at a hospital. When that ended after two years, T was also leaving to work in her private practice. I was so attached to her and it took me ages to pluck up the courage to ask if I could see her privately. She was happy I had asked and said of course I could! She also said that she wasn't allowed to suggest it first since she could be seen to be influencing me and then potentially making money out of me. It all worked out well and she was really happy I continued with her.

[unlockingsanity]

I don't think it would be weird to contact her.

Where I go, the therapists have to sign a contract saying that if a therapist leaves the practice, they can't take their clients with them for a set amount of time. That could mean she couldn't contact you first.