[DelusionsDaily]

Okay, so I have about 2-3 weeks before T comes back from maternity leave. I had hoped I would have made a final decision about old pdoc and asking him back but I keep going back and forth between yes I'm gonna do it to being extremely unsure.

He was a really good pdoc. Though we didn't always see eye to eye...I do believe he had my best interests in mind. Yet while I know that I still can't make a yes or no decision on this.

I think at times communication was an issues for us(him, T, and I) but T said she would really help with that even just between him and I. She would help me organize my thoughts by priority and help me state them clearly. Plus, she said she would keep in regular contact with him about how I was doing which old T never did. My other big issue: not always feeling heard especially when ill. Even though I know he heard me because he'd respond appropriately though not always the way I wanted. Plus he'd rephrase what I said in his own words to make sure he understood what I was saying.

Logic/rational thought says ask him but my emotional side says no way. Ugh!!! I hate this!! I just don't know what to do.

I mean I could ask him and if he says yes try it out and if it doesn't work for me...I could always switch at that point. There's always the possibility he says no in which case I know what I need to do. Maybe all it is...is I'm afraid he will say no. Sometimes it feels like more than that but I can never pinpoint anything else.

Sorry for rambling again about this...

[sweepy62]

You are not rambling, I am glad your t is helping you with this, which is what you need, its so difficult to guess whether he will take you back or not, that is so anxiety producing, I know that. I am one to want to know an answer right away or at least as soon as possible.

You know its either going to be yes or no, attached to an explanation, and if its no, you will probably be upset, but you have a good t by your side, as far as communication with your ex pdoc, its good to agree to disagree, you learn alot, thats the type of relationship I had with my t, and we both enjoyed debating view points.

I hope these weeks go back fast for you, as I know how it is to want to have answers and have to wait for them, and then speculate whether its the answer you want.
good luck melissa, here for you

[A Red Panda]

I don't think you're rambling. I think you're being responsible by posting in here. You don't have your T to discuss it with, and by talking about it here you're definitely approaching it randomly and welcoming other input. You aren't taking any action quickly and you aren't getting "out of control" (in brackets because those aren't the words I want to use, but can't think of the right ones! I hope you get what I'm saying!), and it's great to see that.

Keep it up! Less than a month!