[dolphinlover8]

I just can't get myself to move past the transference I have for my old therapist when he moved away almost 2 years ago. It hurts a lot and I don't feel like anybody understands. All I want to do is talk to him or see him again but I can't and I won't ever be able to. I want to stop therapy with the T I have now but I know if I do it won't help me. I feel like no matter who I go to for therapy I won't like it. I need help with this and so many other things in my life but I don't feel like anyone can help me besides my old T who moved away. I have tried doing therapy with other T's but it's not the same and it won't ever be. I can't even tell any T that I see how I feel because I am so worried that it will be like I'm saying I don't even want to give them chance besides my old T. I just feel so stuck and lost without him and I can't moved on but I know that I won't ever be able to have my old T back either even though I REALLY want to.

[HazelGirl]

Have you talked to your current T about this stuff?

[Shiny Things]

Dolphinlover8, I understand how you feel. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

I too don't like my T now and always comparing her to xT. This T even asks me what old t would do (in some topic I refuse to discuss with HER). This T will never measure up in my book, so I think I want to quit therapy as well.

Take care.

[dolphinlover8]

She knows that I want him but she doesn't know that I ONLY want him and that I feel like nobody can help besides him. She does know about it to a point but she doesn't know how bad it is affecting me.
Shiny things - that's exactly how I feel too about therapy

[Shiny Things]

Do you even dislike new t's office? I am not typicaly judgemental (I live simply myself) but I'm hating her couch, pictures, stupid lamp...aaaarrggghhh.
It's just not the same...

[dolphinlover8]

I don't really hate her office much. My old T use to come to my house so it's definitely different than having therapy at my house.

[melania]

Originally Posted by dolphinlover8

I don't really hate her office much. My old T use to come to my house so it's definitely different than having therapy at my house.

Why did he come you your house?

[dolphinlover8]

He didn't have an office.

[Shiny Things]

Were there others around during therapy at home? I would like that, but would worry about interruptions, like my big puppy.

[dolphinlover8]

Haha yeah I see how your dog would get it the way. Usually my mom would go out to the store of something so no one would be able to hear our conversation. Sometimes my cat would meow at the door to go out but we just ignored it. Other than that not many interruptions.

[Shiny Things]

Well, that sounds like a cool supportive place. No wonder you miss old t.

[melania]

It sounds really nice.
Did you just talk to him? Or were you doing other things too (like touches, kisses)?

I'm sorry about asking :X
I just have a dirty mind and if someoone tells his therapist comes to her house, it sounds like .. you know..
I'm sorry if it wasn't like that, I'm just asking
I really would love to see my therapist at my home

[dolphinlover8]

Yeah we just talked just like it would be if he had an office. He would go over to the kitchen sink or my stove and he would do examples about anxiety using those. I felt more comfortable being with him and doing therapy since it was at my own house. We never touched or did anything sexual. I have transference towards him and because of the transference I wish we did do something more than just talking lol

[WePow]

Based on what you shared, it sounds like you experienced a huge loss.
There will never be a replacement for that relationship.
Have you allowed yourself to grieve this yet?
The relationship with this T will be one of a kind as well.

[dolphinlover8]

I have been grieving for almost 2 years. It has decreased a little but it still is really hard and hurts a lot.

[Shiny Things]

So, what is it about new t, besides not being old t? What's changed? Is it more stressfull having to travel to new t's office? Traffic in my area is brutal, and I get frazzled by the time I get there.

[WePow]

I am so sorry. I do understand how some losses we never get over. big hugs!!!!!

[dolphinlover8]

I don't trust my current T like I trusted my old T and I don't feel comfortable with her. I don't feel like she helps/understands me either.
WePow-thanks. I just hope I can somehow get over it

[Shiny Things]

Did it take you a long time to trust old t initially? It took me over a year to do that. Do you feel new T is trying?

[dolphinlover8]

I knew my old T for a couple years before we started therapy so it wasn't that hard to trust him when we started therapy since I already knew him. I think my new T is trying but not in a way that is helping me.