[granite1]

so I have T tomorrow . for some time I have been working on this time line thing so I can have a grasp on when things happened in my life .it has kind of been a double edge sword for me .as it has been painful and bringing up a lot of memories and realizations .in fact I am kind of convinced that working on this is what may have started all this uproar in my emotions and thoughts in the last few months. I have been wanting to share it with my T but every time I try to I chicken out.

I had attempted to do this when we first started meeting thinking it would be helpful. it was hard to get the information, i had to skillfully get some info from the mother and farther. reading back in journals and so on. I had brought it to T and told her that I had done this . and asked if she wanted to see it. I had an unbelievably hard time talking in T at that point. she said yes and when I went to hand it to her she refused to take it asking me to read it . so I started and was only able to read a few lines of it. she sat there looking at me as I did this and did not comment on any of it or anything. it was completely miserable. I could not figure out if she was even a little interested in it at all. it seemed not. eventually I just said that was it and put it back in my pocket and when I got home ripped it up and never brought it up again.

in the last month or so she has been asking me about how old I was when something went on or something like that. i don't know ,I have a very hard time with time and ages and stuff like that .in my head it is all jumbled in one big mess. what happened yesterday may as well have happened 20 years ago and what happened 20 years ago may as well have happened yesterday. anyway this prompted me to do this timeline thing again. only this time I have even more accurate information that I didn't have before.it is very basic stuff .no trauma stuff listed and mostly important dates like divorces, deaths, hospitalizations , school and so on. but it helps me figure out when and how old I was when traumatic things went on in my life.

so I have done this again and want to share it with her but am terrified that I might get the same response again and that will devastate me. any ideas on how to grow a spine and just give it to her

[HazelGirl]

Trust what you know about her. That's the best you can do. You know how she responds to you normally, so trust that she will respond like that again. It sounded like you didn't give her enough of a chance last time to respond, so that is not a good indicator of her future responses.

[Auntie2014]

It took me a long time to make my time line also. What worked for me was drawing on where we were living, what grade I was in, etc. Then I sat down with a paper and figured out what ages I was at house A then b... I also did the same thing with my age at birthday each year. Then I was able to mesh things together into a time line. All of the info I used to establish the age and year didnt necessarily have to do with bad things. It was just a guide to establish age and time. Then I was able to plug in the memories that we needed to talk about

Good Luck

[granite1]

this is exactly how I am doing it . I am events together with years in school and birthdays and so on and did one event happen before or after another event by tying it together with some other memory. it is hard and brings up a lot of messy crap. I have stopped working on it because of this. I don't think I can do any more without some support and help from my T.so I need to decide to either give it up or go forward.

[sweepy62]

I have done something similar to timeline, I have this notebook with current week stressors then the other half is ectioned of for what I remember in the past, it looks like his:

First half of notebook:

Week1 current stressors
week2 and so forth next to it I check off what we have processed.


The other half of the notebook THE PAST

What I remember

Abuser 1
Abuser2
Abuser3

Section 2

Flashbacks descriptions csa

section 3

Nightmares csa

section 4

images and intrusive thoughts stuff to piece together

and my old t does not read it, she wants me to read it, she says it makes processing real, so its hard because I cant even say words related to csa, so I draw sometimes, but I still have to talk. Right now im in shut down mode as far as csa goes with new t.

[Lazylady]

Granite.

I think your having prepared the timeline was a good thing for you to have done whether or not your therapist wants to see it. Offer to give her a copy of it and
explain that reading it to her would be very difficult just as it was last time. If she doesn't want a copy, you might ask her why not.....likely that she wants to be careful what is in your records. In any event, keep your copy and bring it with you to each session so you can reference it, if she asks about a specific event in your life.

I know it will be hard for you but you really need to talk to her about how disappointed
you were when she didn't accept it the first time. Based on my years of having gone to counseling, I think you need to try and evaluate whether or not your level of comfort might be greater with another therapist. I hope things get better for you.

[Auntie2014]

Why not just tel T that you have done as much as you can right now and feel that you need her help in filling in the rest due to the nature of the memories? What T told me was the time line was just a place to start the conversations and we could add to it as more became comfortable to talk about. She called it a spring board.

granite ...I did one too... Why not talk about it before you give it to her....say i made a timeline and I wanted to know what you think about it? How could we handle talking about it? Make 2 copies one for you and one for her...keep original at home... If you think what she says soundslike what you would like to happen then you could give it to her...

Just my thoughts

[granite1]

she already knows that I made one . she has not asked to see it or anything .but that might be because she doesn't want to push me. I don't know .im going to bring it tomorrow and try again

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by granite1

she already knows that I made one . she has not asked to see it or anything .but that might be because she doesn't want to push me. I don't know .im going to bring it tomorrow and try again

Good luck Grantite.
Will be thinking of you.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by granite1

this is exactly how I am doing it . I am events together with years in school and birthdays and so on and did one event happen before or after another event by tying it together with some other memory. it is hard and brings up a lot of messy crap. I have stopped working on it because of this. I don't think I can do any more without some support and help from my T.so I need to decide to either give it up or go forward.

i think this is what you need to say to her. If you are feeling ESPECIALLY brave (maybe with T blanket?) you can say last time you tried to read the timeline to her, you had such a difficult time, and maybe she can just look at it with you? And then say this is as far as you can go without it getting all messy and scary, without her help.

i know you can do it!!!

[granite1]

Originally Posted by velcro003

i think this is what you need to say to her. If you are feeling ESPECIALLY brave (maybe with T blanket?) you can say last time you tried to read the timeline to her, you had such a difficult time, and maybe she can just look at it with you? And then say this is as far as you can go without it getting all messy and scary, without her help.

i know you can do it!!!

this is kind of what I was thinking of trying to say without reminding her of my failure to be able to read it before. I don't think she will make me read it if I make a copy for her and keep one myself. I want her to keep it in her office also because it was a lot of work and I destroyed the last one. I think this way it will be safe

[velcro003]

good idea

[looking4polaris]

I think it's great that you've worked so hard and gotten some of that down. I can't imagine being able to create a timeline. I hope you will share it with your T. I tend to destroy things on impulse when I'm distressed, so it would be nice to know your hard work was safe (even if you can't talk about it right away.)
Good luck.