Nervous again lol.
What happens to posts once they are further back than three pages? Are they taken down? Is there an archive? I was wondering because at this other site I used to read my threads from the archives so I could track my progress.
I did some of that.
This year has been... Hectic.
Not down as much as past years (not depressed as much not spinning out as much) but possibly acting out worse. Sigh.
Still... Some kind of progress perhaps.

I see my t tomorrow :-)

Something I really wanted to do... Was to go to another city for a couple months and work in a lab over there. It was something I had in mind when I applied to come here. My supervisor asked me how long I wanted to go for. Eep! But I've just found my t wah! And he has said he could see me more than once per week next year wah! I said I could go for one month... My supervisor glared kinda... I said I could go for two months... He was a little surprised... I said 'could I go for two months initially and if I'm getting a lot out of it then I could extend my stay'. He said 'I thought you might like to go for 6 months while I'm away next year'. Eep!

I could bus back... Once per week. That might be pushing it slightly (financially) but I guess I could do that to go to seminars here and to see my t.

It is a good opportunity for me though... They have a couple of these:

http://www.4dneuroimaging.com/WhatIs...0Is%20MEG.html

:-)

I see my t tomorrow :-)
:-)
:-)
:-)
:-)

Bit nervous...
Yeah. Bit nervous...
But kinda excited too...
Kid's excited
She likes him a lot
:-)

But that is kinda scary to me

[gardenergirl]

I hope it goes well.

Thinking of you,
gg

thinking of you, dear woman..........pat

[(JD)]

How did it go?

Hey. It was okay. I told him about going to another city for a couple months... And he said that was okay. That he was going to take a month off next year when his wife has a baby. Talk about more than I wanted to know... I guess he was upfront so I understood why he couldn't be more exact with the dates and so I wouldn't worry about whether he was going to die or something. Don't know how I feel. Sad. Abandoned. Kinda. Kinda. I'm sure we will see...

He said we could have a couple of phone sessions during that time... That we might be able to do that while I'm away too. I said I'd try and get back but every week might be a bit much.

I don't know. Two suggestions. Journalling. Mapping. He doesn't push me to do it, just introduces them as suggestions for me to think about. He said I don't have to do either and that is okay.

I want...

I want to take a while so we can get to know each other. I don't want this to be focused solely around the voices. It is important to me that he would work with me even if I was all there was and there wasn't any voices. If he wouldn't want to see me without them then I shouldn't work with him. Maybe I'll do some mapping and have a talk to him about that... He said earlier that if I had questions it was okay to ask... I want to know what kind of therapy he is used to doing...

I don't know... Feel a bit... Disconnected. I guess it will take some time for us to get to know each other.

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) Yes I think it's good he told you already about the upcoming vacation... that always helps me to know as far in advance as possible, and also to be reminded of it so we can discuss my feelings about it all.

Phone sessions are different for me, but useful... SO useful imo. I hope you won't refuse them.

You could make having a journal a special thing... buying or making, and then IDK getting a setting in your mind... you know? Like the great adventurers of the past when they went into the depths of the unknown always kept a journal of their experiences and thoughts. Facinating reading.

(((Sky))) Yes, I think that it is good that he told me about his vacation too. He said it was looking like April, but that due to the nature of delivery he wouldn't know for sure... I guess it was the perfect opportunity for him to tell me. When I was feeling bad about telling him I might be going away for a couple months. Because... I was reluctant to go. I wanted to stay here and keep seeing him. But then I am ambivalent too, I guess. Because it is a good opportunity for me academically. He was saying that if I were to go around then... It could work out well for the both of us, I guess. Knowing my luck I'll just arrive back and then he will be off. Hrm.

I'm not sure how I feel about it... I guess I would have preferred not to know his marital status and preferred not to know whether he had a kid or not. Of course I don't know whether he has other kids or not... But it has got me wondering about his private like a bit and I'd really rather not. I guess it is hard for internal kid too... Gets her feeling upset about my Dad fairly much ignoring me and then leaving... And due to the nature of transference... Kind of like that happening all over again... Some kinda sibling rivalry or something... Ugh. Ugh.. UGH.

I won't refuse the phone sessions. I'd actually rather... Really really rather... Have an online chat session. I don't know if he would be up for that. Don't know where we could chat securely either... Or email even. Email would be cool. I could start talking to him either of those two ways... Perhaps perhaps. Dunno...

I don't think I want to do a journal. Internet boards are my journal! lol. I find it really helpful to get other peoples feedback... Helps keep me out of those head cirles to get a bit of objectivity. Helps me feel less alone and less disgusting to know that other people are reading along and that they (don't seem to be) repulsed by me... I think he wants me to do the journal in an attempt to get communication with the alters. Nuh uh, I'm so NOT going to do that. Not for a long while yet. My trust is fragile... I need to be confident that he is there for ME and that we are getting along okay before I can trust him with them... Internal kid especially... Because she is so dependent and needy... I need to make sure it is safe for her... Otherwise protectors will start up and they frighten the hell out of me... It is hard because she really really likes him and really really wants to meet him. She kinda has this indiscriminate attachment though. Important to check safety first.

I could do a little bit of mapping though... How many. What their names are. He has already promised to not try and summon them...

In a way... I just want to put all this on the backburner... Get him working with ME. If he does that... This will all emerge in time... Or not... As the case may be. But if you seek them... No. I'm very resistent to that. Very concerned about getting too much worse... I'd rather work on me. Work on enlarging me. Work on me saying all those things that I delegate out. I'd so very much rather do that than the usual. We will see, I guess...