I hate therapy and I don't believe it works but I've been doing it

my therapist want's me to accept my depression and force myself to do things.

goal for previous session was to journal my moods for a week and daily hygiene.
I did the journal.

Goal for this week: Go outside for 5 minutes a day and daily hygiene.
I brushed my teeth once and I've been going outside to get the mail.

I want to get better but I can't. I only leave the house for therapy and pdoc.

what's the point of me going if I can't do what I'm asked?

all I do is eat, sleep, browse the internet, movie, tv show, therapy...repeat.

I'm unemployed, kicked out of the military which I loved, almost a year living in my parents house a freeloader... I'm 22 and it feels like my life is over.

I'll never have friends

I'll never have a girlfriend or a wife

I'll never have kids.

I can't imagine a future, I just picture pure backness, maybe I'll be dead soon

perhaps you could use different meds and your outlook would improve. it sounds like you are trying. i know i was hopeless but when we found the right antidepressant things cleared right up for me and my outlook changed and therapy began working. it was like the magic wand i had been looking for all along. talk to pdoc about trying something different. take care.

I'm bipolar and they will never give me AD. It's listed in my file as a red flag.

anti psychotics just down me even more.

life this can't be life

That sounds like hell. I'm so sorry. I think it's get through-able though because I've been there and gotten through. I think many of us have. That whole projection of a bleak future is the depression talking, not an accurate reflection of your true potential. Have antidepressants made you manic in the past? Not all drugs are created equal and the fact that some didn't help you does not mean that others cannot. It sounds like you need some intensive help. Can you get your T and/or your pdoc to help you make a plan for inpatient care?

Can you see a Pdoc and see if they can figure out a different balance of meds? Also, maybe find a different type of therapy. It sounds like you are doing CBT, but a different type may benefit you more if CBT isn't being effective.

there are other types of therapy?

Many! The most common ones are CBT and psychodynamic, but there are others as well. Google can tell you quite a bit about the different types.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I don't have much to add except to say that it's worth it to keep trying different bipolar med options until you find something that helps, even if that means trying new pdocs until you find one that helps. There are so many possibilities and combinations even outside of the standard antipsychotics and ADs. It's worth the hassle that goes with starting and stopping new meds to get to something that works.
I know it's extremely hard to do anything at all, though, when that black mood is crushing you.
I also second the comment that there are other types of therapy.

I dunno. 22 years old. Feeling like your life is over. Unemployed. Freeloading off your parents. Struggling with personal hygiene and leaving the house. Spending all day online and eating. Generally cynical about the world. Talking about dying soon and never having a relationship. You could be my soul mate lol

But I think you're selling yourself short. Going outside for 5 mins is better than not going outside at all. I brushed my teeth today too. I had to have T physically put an alarm on my phone to remind me. Yeah it's embarrassing that I need that reminder but it is better than not doing it. You journaled your moods. You set goals. You're doing what is asked.

I really don't have anything else to say because I read your post and it was like reading myself if you just aged me 2 years, flopped some genders, and got rid of the military drama. That must have sucked though. I'm sorry.

How long have you been in therapy? How long have you been this depressed?

I was feeling just like you, not being able to function AT ALL and somehow I am able to function better now.

The walks really helped. One time I spent a WHOLE HOUR sitting by the door because I felt so horrible I could not bear to go outside, but I forced myself and after a while I started to look forward to my walks that I increased to 15 to 20 minutes.

I'm still depressed and have a lot of issues and confusion. Still feel super-bad about myself, but the fact that I can function better and think straighter now has really made a difference and now I feel that things CAN get better.

Good luck and stick to the plan!