Do you talk to your therapist about your sexual fantasies?

melania · Feb 13, 2014, 06:01 AM

Do you talk to your therapist about your sexual fantasies? If you have fantasies about your therapist do you tell him/her about it? Does it help you? How does it make you feel?

My therapist sometimes asked me about my fantasies about him,he asked me how I would like to touch him,what I would like to do with him. I asked how deeply I should talk about this. He said - tell me everything. Do I need to tell him? I want to tell him about my fantasies but it's really hard. I think it could help me if I told him but it's so hard to talk about it.

So I would like to know your experience.

UnderRugSwept · 06:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melania

Do you talk to your therapist about your sexual fantasies? If you have fantasies about your therapist do you tell him/her about it? Does it help you? How does it make you feel?

My therapist sometimes asked me about my fantasies about him,he asked me how I would like to touch him,what I would like to do with him. I asked how deeply I should talk about this. He said - tell me everything. Do I need to tell him? I want to tell him about my fantasies but it's really hard. I think it could help me if I told him but it's so hard to talk about it.

So I would like to know your experience.

Help you with what? It doesn't sound very therapeutic the way you have phrased it here, but then based on your interest in your therapist I might be missing something.

And I can talk about sex with either of my therapists if I need to (my experiences, etc.), but I have no interest in having sex with either of them.

anilam · Feb 13, 2014, 07:31 AM

When I dreamt about my T raping me I brought it up in session cause I felt betrayed and angry at my T and discussing it helped with that. I said only what I was comfortable with (practically no details) and my t was more concerned about the emotions I felt than any action/facts that had happened. Plus, obviously, we discussed why I have these nightmares about ppl I feel close to.
Other than that I don't have any sex fantasies re my T. If I had, I think discussing it might be helpful but the way you phrased it feels a bit, idk, weird? Like tell me how you'd like to be touched, what would you do to me... TMI and honestly how does it supposed to help YOU?
I don't want to be paranoid here but to me it looks like the T could be getting off these fantasies...

The_little_didgee · Feb 13, 2014, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melania

Do you talk to your therapist about your sexual fantasies? If you have fantasies about your therapist do you tell him/her about it? Does it help you? How does it make you feel?

I am not sexually attracted to my therapist, nor do I discuss any of my sexual fantasies with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by melania

My therapist sometimes asked me about my fantasies about him,he asked me how I would like to touch him,what I would like to do with him. I asked how deeply I should talk about this. He said - tell me everything. Do I need to tell him? I want to tell him about my fantasies but it's really hard. I think it could help me if I told him but it's so hard to talk about it.

I don't understand why your therapist would ask you to share such information. Are you seeing a psychoanalyst? It would probably be more helpful to explore why you have fantasies of him rather than discuss the details.

melania · Feb 13, 2014, 07:44 AM

Elsewhere, I asked him what to do if I want to touch him and going crazy of wanting him. He told me to talk about it. I couldn't. It was some time ago before I kissed him. After this he didn't ask me anymore about touching him but his words sound in my mind, I regret I didn't tell him. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it anymore but I regret I never told him.

melania · Feb 13, 2014, 08:45 AM

anilam, as I said some time ago when I said I want to touch him, he really asked questions like -how would you like to touch me?
Why didn't I tell him

Now he doesn't ask me this anymore but I asked him about his sexual wishes. He said - if we started to talk about what touches I like and what touches you like it would be like having sex. We didn't talk about it of course. I was sure he won't tell me about this but I like to ask him questions like that. It's easy to ask and it's hard to answer. Maybe I'm too shy. It's easier to touch him not to tell him about this

A Red Panda · Feb 13, 2014, 08:55 AM

So he asked you stuff like that before he knew about the sexual transference?

It was inappropriate of him to ask questions like that at any time.

However - it sounds like he stopped the moment he realized just how infatuated you are with him. This was the correct course of action for him to take. It seems that he's realized that talking about things with him is only making it worse for you.

Honestly, I'd look for another therapist to try and work through this infatuation with him. It would let you talk about things, and it wouldn't be reinforcing them as you wouldn't be talking to him or imagining him wanting the same things that you want.

melania · Feb 13, 2014, 09:16 AM

Red Panda, he knew about my feelings, I'm not really sure he knew about my sexual feelings. Maybe he wanted to understand my feelings. I wrote him a letter where I confessed that I'm dreaming about him touching me and kissing me. I was sure he understands my feelings but he wanted to know more. Sad I didn't tell him.

Freewilled · Feb 13, 2014, 09:41 AM

So he did kiss you then? If so, that's wrong. It is hurting you to continue with this therapy relationship. Can you find another T while you continue to meet with him to get some outside perspective?

stopdog · Feb 13, 2014, 09:43 AM

No. But I did not go to see a therapist because of anything about my sex life.

growlithing · Feb 13, 2014, 10:06 AM

I do not have sexual or romantic feelings towards my T. So I don't really know what I am talking about. However, that would make me feel SUPER uncomfortable not just because it's scary to talk about sexual fantasy and even moreso to someone that is in them, those questions sounds like something people would sext each other. But like I said, I have not experienced this type of transference and if you feel comfortable sharing that, go for it.

melania · Feb 13, 2014, 10:14 AM

Freewilled, no he didn't kiss me, I kissed him and touched his neck with my lips. Tell me I'm bad and wrong but I couldn't control myself that day. These memories still are burning me.
I was talking to psychologist about my therapy when I felt broken.Now I understand that we need solve our problems by ourselves.

Feb 13, 2014, 10:24 AM

You really need to get away from this therapist. For you to even be able to get so close to him that you kissed his neck shows his very poor professional boundaries. Find a different therapist who can look at this situation objectively and help you through this. Clearly this situation is not being handled with close enough boundaries.

Petra5ed · Feb 13, 2014, 10:40 AM

That's pretty much all we discuss. Some people do dream analysis, we do sexual fantasy analysis. It's amazing how much you can learn about yourself by really digging into your sexual fantasies with the person you're fantasizing about, i.e. "the paddle you were spanking me with represented my shadow and the butt plug represented my anger at my mother." I'm totally kidding

.

I've heard it is sometimes useful to discuss, I bet this is in certain limited circumstances though. If I kept fantasizing about sex with my T in my childhood bed, or T abusing me during intercourse I might bring that up, being careful about the words I use so it doesn't come across as seductive. If I fantasize about simply crossing the room and screwing his brains out, best to keep those details to myself I think.

RTerroni · Feb 13, 2014, 10:46 AM

I never discuss anything Sex related with my Therapist- although I consider myself to be Asexual

coltranefanatic · Feb 13, 2014, 10:58 AM

I never discussed anything sexual with him, unless it was backstory on me. The LAST thing I wanted to do was discuss my sexual fantasies of HIM with HIM! I thought that would be an unmitigated disaster. Not to mention, I thought it would have resulted (ironically) in immediate termination.

SmallestFatGirl · Feb 13, 2014, 11:37 AM

Just echoing others by saying ah no. While I do have sexual fantasies of my T, wild horses couldn't drag them from me. Especially not to him!

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PeeJay · Feb 13, 2014, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

That's pretty much all we discuss. Some people do dream analysis, we do sexual fantasy analysis. It's amazing how much you can learn about yourself by really digging into your sexual fantasies with the person you're fantasizing about, i.e. "the paddle you were spanking me with represented my shadow and the butt plug represented my anger at my mother." I'm totally kidding

You had me going for a second! Then I laughed out loud!!

Freewilled · Feb 13, 2014, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by melania

Freewilled, no he didn't kiss me, I kissed him and touched his neck with my lips. Tell me I'm bad and wrong but I couldn't control myself that day. These memories still are burning me.
I was talking to psychologist about my therapy when I felt broken.Now I understand that we need solve our problems by ourselves.

I don't think you're bad or wrong - I'm concerned that your T is hurting you.

unlockingsanity · Feb 13, 2014, 08:26 PM

Melania...you need to reign in your transference issues. This is getting so out of hand - at least from an outsiders perspective.

doyoutrustme · Feb 13, 2014, 09:32 PM

Only if I felt I had something to gain from it. So yes, I have. But I am always very guarded if I feel a question is getting too probing (no pun intended).

About him, to him? Probobly not. Unless it was something that was having an affect on me. even then, it would be tough.

Gavinandnikki · Feb 13, 2014, 09:40 PM

I told in great detail about all of my sexual fantasies about her. About her, to her. Yep!

RTerroni · Feb 13, 2014, 10:24 PM

I wonder how a Therapist would react if you told him/her that you had sexual feelings for them.

Mactastic · Feb 13, 2014, 10:53 PM

I've talked to my T about my transference but never my sexual fantasies. I do have thoughts about him but they're rather benign. When I'm...shall I say, alone...my thoughts do sometimes turn to him but they typically just involve his mere presence. He doesn't touch me, I don't touch him. It's strange, but just imagining him there is strangely fulfilling. Hell would freeze over before I discussed this with him, though!

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coltranefanatic · Feb 13, 2014, 11:05 PM

I wish I had the stones to be able to walk into a therapy session and say

"yes. I have sexual fantasies about you. I think about sucking on your bottom lip. I think about teasing and tormenting you. I think about bringing you to the point of absolutely no return and then letting you hang there. I think about quick hot dirty nasty ****ing when I think about you."

And then.........I would likely been seen to a door. LOL. Who knows, maybe he's stronger.

I should have mentioned long ago. My transference issues with my therapist, have nothing to do with love, at ALL. In my fantasies, we never run off together, there is no dating, there is no romance. There is ****ing. Raw, nasty, animal ****ing. That is all. That is all I have ever wanted. The problem is...it's all I can think about.

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