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#1
Feb 16, 2014, 11:39 PM
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So I have not been cutting or binge eating... instead, I've been taking Ativan and Vistrial. I think I might be abusibg the drugs just slightly. I'm supposed to take 1mg of Ativan a night and 25mg of Vistrial as needed every 6 hours. Well, I'm currently on 4mg of Ativan and 50mg of Vistrial. So I won't be awake much longer. But I emailed LCM (T) about this because I haven't talked about it before. The email is a little jumbled. The thing is that she said she needs me to be doing better to work with me. I told her because I feel like I need to tell someone before this gets really bad. I'm just worried that she will be upset and stop working with me. I don't know if I did the right thing.
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#2
Feb 16, 2014, 11:53 PM
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It may be easier to deal with this type of self harm vs binging and cutting. I'm very proud you had the courage to email her and yes I feel like you did the right thing.
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#3
Feb 16, 2014, 11:54 PM
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I just hope she doesn't pull away |
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#4
Feb 17, 2014, 12:07 AM
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Do you have a psychiatrist? Or who manages or prescribes or tweaks these meds for you? I have a t and a pdoc for meds. Someone you can speak to about managing meds? I'm glad you told lcm but , I figured you would talk to your other therapists as well.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
__________________
Bipolar 1 Gad Ptsd BPD ZOLOFT 100 TOPAMAX 400 ABILIFY 10 SYNTHROID 137 |
 shezbut
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#5
Feb 17, 2014, 12:08 AM
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I do have a pdoc. The only person I can tell quickly is LCM |
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#6
Feb 17, 2014, 12:09 AM
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The problem I see is as much as it feels like LCM is a T she ISNT and this sounds beyond the scope of what she should be doing. Im glad you told someone but it sounds like you want her to respond as a T she isnt... And that puts her in a position of liability. Whats the purpose of telling? I worry if its truly wanting a T response, or attention, or what? Sounds like it should be for a T, I dont hear you mention T much.
__________________
I really can type. When using my iPad spaces and random letters disappear. 
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| A Red Panda, sweepy62
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#7
Feb 17, 2014, 12:39 AM
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My T is fine. I don't connect to her very mush. LCM is both my T and my life coach. I told her became I need help and I don't know how else to contact people. Like I couldn't contact TT. All I have is LCM and she is my life coach who is trying to deal with my EDNOS issues and ****. So this is just drugs. Does it sound like I have a problem with this stuff? It's not too bad I Donny think. It's not too often |
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#8
Feb 17, 2014, 12:42 AM
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This is just an observation, not a criticism. I hope you are OK. |
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#9
Feb 17, 2014, 12:43 AM
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LC is not your T. She was your Case Worker and now she is trying to get set up to be your Life Coach. You have even said before that she is not a registered therapist (or something similar to that). She is not your T.
Tomorrow you need to contact your actual T, because this is not your LC's job. This is the sort of thing that your actual T needs to hear about and work with you. She can't work with you when you don't let her. In other news - I hope that you are feeling better tomorrow!
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| sweepy62
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#10
Feb 17, 2014, 12:45 AM
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I feel great. My body is so calm and my heart is beating slow and nice. I am goo. I thinki will be fine. I didn't take a crazy amount. Just 4ng of Ativan and 100mg of Vistrial no big deal. I just needed a break and stuff everything I'd cool |
 PeeJay
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| PeeJay
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#11
Feb 17, 2014, 12:45 AM
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"its just drugs" - that impact the chemicals in your brain and ability to function and jumble your emails. Misusing your prescription, risking employment (if you are employed) and putting your LCM in a sticky situation. Jumping from one crutch to another isnt healthy and I just hope you can get the appropriate help. ETA: you went from 25mg, to 50mg, to 100mg. I am unsure if this is truly the case and if so, you need further help than PC as to use so much sedative medication may kill you. Or you are seeking attention for something aIm not sure you really want to fix.
__________________
I really can type. When using my iPad spaces and random letters disappear.
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| sweepy62
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#12
Feb 17, 2014, 12:46 AM
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She is my t and mum life coach. She is everything. And is my mom. And I love her so much. I can't contact TT tomorrow. It@: Presidents' Day and she is not working |
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#13
Feb 17, 2014, 12:49 AM
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Yeah she is a fully trained therapist. I'm Jody not sure about her licensing. But she deals with this all the time. I just Donny want her to leave me. Oh god no I'd die I need a job. Howis she in a stocky situation? I' not totally sure I have aproblrm |
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#14
Feb 17, 2014, 12:53 AM
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No this won't kill me. Just make things better. I'n fat and I have a tolerance to this **** and don't think I need to go to the hospital. My life would be ruined if I did. School would expeller and I'd have no place to go |
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#15
Feb 17, 2014, 12:59 AM
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Grolithing, it does sound like you need some kind of immediate help if things have gotten to the point that you feel that you need 100mg of ativan. I take that sometimes myself and know that taking 4x the dose is definitely saying that things are not so good.
Hope things get better for you soon.
__________________
___________________________________ "Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!" --John Irving "What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." --C.S. Lewis |
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#16
Feb 17, 2014, 01:00 AM
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100mg of Vistrial. 4mg of Ativan. I'd die with 100mg of Ativan |
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#17
Feb 17, 2014, 01:03 AM
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LC is not your T. She is not your mom. She never can or will be either of those things. She is not everything. You are everything. Her job is to help you learn to take care of yourself and attend to your daily needs - if you're resorting to ODing then how is she even helping?
__________________
"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..." "I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am. |
| Elektra_, sweepy62, venusss
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#18
Feb 17, 2014, 01:07 AM
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__________________
___________________________________ "Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!" --John Irving "What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." --C.S. Lewis |
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#19
Feb 17, 2014, 01:08 AM
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I'm not ODing I'm just a little bit drugged up. I just needed to fall asleep but I can't even on so many sedatives. So I can sleep easy and normal so I can be ready to be real at 8am on Weds. I can't be going to bed at 4am and then getting up at 6 so I just make myself go to sleep early. Plus I need yo just forget for a whole that she isn't my mom. She is my mom right now and she will love me and take care of me right now. Maybe not tomorrow but I need to forget abs not feel. I need mom. And. All of these flashbacks won't go away. I can feel them. It hurts me. I need a break from the pain. I can't keep reliving |
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#20
Feb 17, 2014, 01:09 AM
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Well it's 4x the dose of vistursl and I also took 4x the dose if Ativan. Oh god she's gonna kill me |
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#21
Feb 17, 2014, 01:12 AM
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Quote:
__________________
___________________________________ "Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!" --John Irving "What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." --C.S. Lewis |
| sweepy62
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#22
Feb 17, 2014, 01:13 AM
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I can't have her send me to the hospital. I just really can!6 my life would be over. Is this really that concerning? Why am u not asleep? I want to be asleep |
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#23
Feb 17, 2014, 01:41 AM
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Growlithing why can't you go to a crisis center or an acute stabilization center? I know you don't like the hospital so this may be an option and its a 3 day stay,
__________________
Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#24
Feb 17, 2014, 08:10 AM
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Growli...yes it tends to be very concerning when someone starts taking their meds however they want.
Forget the attachment issue right now...you need to be straight-up no hold bar honest with TT. A licensed therapist who can truly help you! Then you need to get down to business...do the work in a REAL therapy setting, so you don't ruin your good education getting expelled. The only way to truly get past all this is to be brutally honest with TT and do the work required. It's not going to be "easy" but it will be a relief when it's done. Best of luck! |
| A Red Panda, sweepy62
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#25
Feb 17, 2014, 08:30 AM
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__________________
Bipolar 1 Gad Ptsd BPD ZOLOFT 100 TOPAMAX 400 ABILIFY 10 SYNTHROID 137 |
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