[aleej28]

I feel so lucky to have such a great T after wading through so many terrible ones or ones I didn't connect with. This is our second session since she left for maternity leave early November and I was going nuts without her. Anyway, I'm about to go through a med change and we were talking about looking for feelings and warning signs of impulsive behavior after the change and going back to people pleasing and not saying or doing certain things because of disappointing or offending other people and then she said this:

"Recognize the difference between bad feelings you have and not bad feelings you have for other people."

It was like a light bulb went off. I know people pleasing for me is unhealthy but I just realized I only get really depressed or anxious when I think about how people are going to react negatively to certain things I say or do. For example, I am so happy I left my ex fiance last year but I put it off forever and made myself miserable because I knew I'd upset him and thinking about him being upset (even tho he was awful to me) upset me but actually leaving him didn't upset me...does that make sense? It's gonna be a hard habit to break but I gotta remember I'm not responsible for other people's feelings about me.

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[unaluna]

Dude thats huge. I didnt "get it" until my mother told me the reason she was pressuring me was because she thought i wanted her to. Ie she was trying to avoid my bad feelings while i was trying to avoid hers. And i was like ancient by then!

[aleej28]

Exactly! Now whenever I feel bad about myself I have to ask am I really upset with myself or am I just upset that someone ANYONE might get upset with me for doing/saying what I did. And most of the time it's very minor things, like I was afraid my classmate was mad at me because she had to grade my paper and it was long so I hated my paper...but she was fine and not mad of course. Little things have controlled my life so much like that for so long

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