Calling T "mom"

Me: "why am I stuttering?"
Her: "you sound nervous"
Me: "why am I nervous? I shouldn't nervous I don't even ****ing like you that much. Wait. That's not true. Why am I lying? I have no reason to lie"
Her: "okay stop and breathe. You're doing fine"
---
Me (texting): do you want me to call you?
Her: give me a second
Me: okay. If you look closely you can see that I waited until 9:01 to text you because I wanted to seem cool, nonchalant and not desperate
Her:
Me: I'm playing hard to get
(15 mins later)
Me: ... but you can't play hard to get when you are hard to want.
Her: omg stop I'm coming
Me: give me attention dammit

Yeah I'm a lot of fun in therapy

Since saying "Mom" is likely to strengthen both the attachment and the transference, psycho-dynamic therapists would probably regard that as a good thing. Role playing (in words) is very much allowed.

Yeah growly I'm so awkward in session I don't know how she gets me lol I twist turn play with play dough lol

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It just feels really weird to me to call her what I want to call her and I don't really know why.

Well, it breaks a number of taboos.
1. It might feel disloyal to your birth mother.
2. When young kids accidentally do this at school, everyone laughs at them.

It feels disloyal to myself to call my birth mother "mom". I address her by "that woman" and eventually when I'm financially able to be rid of her, by her first name. I'd do it behind her back but I don't want to slip up and say it to her face.

I think it's because I want it to feel mutually wanted and LCM won't encourage it obviously

I am so sorry but this just feels so strange to me... I guess, if it works for you and if it helps you heal, I should say: great!
But somehow this makes me feel very awkward. Especially the conversations you transcribed between you and her. I don't know, I can't help but have this strange feeling in my stomach that something just doesn't seem right.
Is a therapist supposed to encourage this kind of relationship?
Or am I just narrow-minded and pre-conditioned?

I guess my real question out of real very human curiosity is:
Where do you want this to go?

And please know I am not judging, just feeling very awkward about this.

LCM is not my therapist. Well, she's technically my life coach but she behaves like a therapist because she's the only T I have that I feel comfortable opening up to. We met in a residential setting where she was my case manager/therapist. While in that setting, we established a mother/daughter type relationship. She showed me how to work with cover up and took me on walks and comforted me when I cried and she was there for me every day at 9am. It still has that feel. At the end of our brief chat today, she asked when the last time I showered. I couldn't remember so she told me to hang up and shower and text her when I'm done so she could basically just tell me that it made her happy. It sounds very awkward to write about but it is very natural in reality.

My response to "where do you want this to go" is probably going to make you feel even more uncomfortable. I want it to go wherever it takes me. I don't really care if it runs me off a bridge so long as "mom" is by my side.

Ok, I didn't know she wasn't your therapist. Perhaps I don't know what a LCM is.
Do you see her every day? Or for "sessions"? I assume you don't pay her?
Anyway, I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope this really is good for you.

Amelia

LCM- life coach mom

No. Now I see her once a week but we both suck at minimizing contact to only once a week. I do. Well, not me specifically but my parents.

This is a good question and, for me, a tough one, too.

I don't know you, but from this message it sounds to me that this is very important for you. I've read posts by you before about your T being a mother figure for you and I get a hint of how much it would hurt you to be denied calling her mom if you asked.

At the same time, I really don't believe this would be in your benefit. It might just be my being wary of anything resembling reparenting. Thing is, your T may be very soothing and helpful, somewhat like a mother, yet still she has a different role in your life. Surely she has an important part - somehow I see this as being different from a mother's part. It may be similar in some ways and it's also very different in others. I think the fact that you want to call her mom says something very deep about a really vulnerable part of you and that part definitely deserves a caring, thoughtful, patient response, and at the same time I think that if your T allowed you to call her mom it would be like putting band-aid on a deep wound before and actually instead of cleaning it. Cleaning it can really hurt sometimes, but it's also the healthy thing to do so it doesn't get infected. You can also put a band-aid, but only after it's clean, and then you change it every now and then - I'm thinking that maybe you could consider suggesting talking about how you feel and the urge of calling her mom and deciding together the best course of action, how you could feel soothed in the way you need to without putting your T in another role more than is good for you (and perhaps talk together about how much would be good for you). It's a difficult talk and I say this only assuming the two of you have a good enough relationship, assuming you feel safe, and only if you resonate with these thoughts.

Hope you make the decision that's best for you.

This made me laugh lots

I think it's fine, I sometimes call my therapist mom, not only that, my therapist is male.