[granite1]

I have T today for the first time in 2 weeks .no big deal except for the fact that I have been beat down so badly this week by everything and everyone around me that I just am miserable. I have smiled right through as much of it as I can . when I was around friends I tried to have a good time but the everyone hates me and im a horrible person just clouded my mind. one minute I would be smiling and being good and the next I was convinced the people around me just could see what a horrible burden I am and how I am just not worth any of there time energy and care. they hated me and I was just in the way and needed to just disappear.it just feels so bad that I just cant enjoy myself. I have been beat down emotionally by just about everyone in my family these few weeks and I just don't know how to talk about it . words to say what is going on. my mind cant seem to make any sense of it. it is like I know that it isn't how it should be but so deep down I know the things are said are right.

in the end I just know if I even try to talk to my T about this she will just argue the facts with me and that will just frustrate me .I just want her to tell me how to not be the person they see . to teach me not to be like I am .I just don't have the right words to say even writing this seems all wrong.

It sounds so exhausting for you, granite. I wish some relief from these terrible thoughts that you have.

I would not like you to be any other way. I love the person I see.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

It sounds so exhausting for you, granite. I wish some relief from these terrible thoughts that you have.

I would not like you to be any other way. I love the person I see.

thanks mast .ever sense my son has come home my family has felt the need to just emotionally beat the crap out of me . I cant really even describe what they are doing. but I do see that they do not hold my son accountable for any decisions he makes that they don't agree with. instead they hold me accountable for it because I am his mother. therefor I am a failure because I cant make my son see things the way they do. but it isn't his fault it is mine . it is like they just love him and to his face say kind things because they care about him and then attack me after for things . and my husband says nothing ,my stepmother eggs my farther on , my son has started to be as disrespectful to me as my farther is because he sees it is ok . im just so beat down because the things they say are true to some extent but it still hurts. I just hate them all right now . and me .

I really hate it that this happens when you're finally getting to see your son again.

[granite1]

thank you mast . I just needed to vent for a bit . thanks for your words and suport

[stopdog]

I hope it goes well.

[Perna]

Print out and take in this thread; you explain it very well here.

[Aloneandafraid]

Hi Granite. I agree with Perna, you explain it so well(exactly how I am feeling too) please print it out and take it with you to your session. It's so well explained in your post. Good luck with your session. So sorry to hear your pain. Xx

[WikidPissah]

Hey Chickie...
I really hope T went well for you.
I am sorry people are beating you down, it's NOT okay for your son (or anyone else) to be disrespectful to you.

[granite1]

so T was no help. all I can say .im sorry

[granite1]

I did nothing but cry in T it was useless and my T just didn't understand. all she wanted me to do was to tell my farther to shut the hell uo. her words

Granite... I'm glad you were able to release some of the pent up emotions..

wish your session was more helpful... personally I would like to tell your father to shut the hell up!

[stopdog]

Sorry it was not useful to you.

[CantExplain]

in the end I just know if I even try to talk to my T about this she will just argue the facts with me and that will just frustrate me .I just want her to tell me how to not be the person they see . to teach me not to be like I am .I just don't have the right words to say even writing this seems all wrong.

((Granite))

This all makes perfect sense.