Help. No luck with DBT skills

I'm having a really rough time. I'm super anxious and upset about the idea of time passing and each tick of the second hand drawing closer to when I might have to see my parents again. I feel like I'm waiting but I don't know what I'm waiting for. I could take a PRN for anxiety (the prescribed amount) but I'm already too worked up to do that because when I take them, I fall asleep making the time go faster and I'm terrified of the time moving so fast that one day, I wake up to find that I'm in my parents' house.

This is going to sound totally out of character for me, but I'm trying to do some DBT skills. I'm trying to stay in the moment and just let the anxiety wash over me and do breathing exercises. It just isn't enough and I'm finding myself emailing LCM, getting angry when she doesn't respond, telling myself to calm down and remember that she is busy, and then just eat because I don't know what to do. I can't go back. I don't know when I'd have to go back. We don't have anything planned and I think I might not have to. The uncertainty is killing me. And I'm scared if I email LCM too much, I'll be a burden and she'll have to leave me for her own emotional safety and I don't want to be forced back to my parents' house away from her. I don't want to see my father I don't want to wake up one morning to find that I'm 50 years old all alone in life and with nothing to show for it because I could never get a handle on it now.

What do I do? Am I using these skills wrong or being impatient or having a preconceived negative perspective on them thus causing them to be ineffective? I should probably take a PRN because I feel like jumping out the window but luckily/unfortunately, I have a basement apartment so if I "jumped" out the window, I'd be climbing upwards, not falling.

For those of you shocked and confused at the prospect of me not being a stubborn little asshole about DBT, don't worry. I'll return to the scheduled programming as soon as possible :P

You don't have to see your parents again if you don't want to. Find a way to be self-sufficient and then cut ties. That's what I did, and I'm only 22. I've been self-sufficient since I was 20, only 2 years after I became an adult.

Here we go again down this path. No. I can't right now. I don't want to get into another debate about how I should handle my life/whether or not I deserve anyone's help because I am "making the choice" to not be independent right now.

I understand that a lot of you were able to figure out how to be independent by my age. Congrats for you. That's awesome. That option is not on the table for me right now because I am not at all in the right place both financially and mentally. I'm working on it by trying to find a job and trying to manage the money I have now. This is the situation I am in right now. Just because I guess I technically chose it doesn't mean that I deserve it or that I don't deserve help with the problems I have trying to live with that decision. It is the lesser of two evils for me right now.

I know you didn't say everything I addressed, I just wanted to say that now before this turns into another thread of people much older than me telling me I can't complain when I could be independent because they managed to do it when they were my age. I'm asking about DBT skills or any other skill to manage anxiety, not a lecture on my finances

I definitely don't want to say the things you have said. I know how hard it is. It took me a ton of work for both those years to get independent. You can't get from where you're at to independent overnight. But having that as a goal (and making a plan towards it) gives you so much hope and a feeling of freedom, even if you are still currently dependent on them.

What would it take for you to get independent? You said a job. What else? Start there and start dreaming of freedom, even if it is a few years off.

DBT has "distraction" activities that are suggestions of things to do when you're in distress of some sort.

Distress Tolerance

This has a list of potential things to be doing.

I get that breathing exercises might not work (I'm terrible at them do and they do NOTHING at all for me). And just emailing your LC isn't being helpful as it's just making you frustrated when you don't get an immediate response. That list might give you ideas of things to do in the meantime to help you calm down and do something productive with the time that will distract you from the problem a bit.

You can make your own list of things from that list that you're willing to do (even if you don't particularly find it something that you'd love to do) and add other things to do that you would like to do.

For example, my own distraction list (I just have it in my head as I've used them for years):
- play a video game
- read
- chat online with someone
- research some random topic
- plan out a vacation
- write
- clean something
- take a shower
- go for a walk
- watch a cartoon or a favourite movie/tv show (honestly, cartoons are brilliant distractions... they're simple and sooooo not related to real life!)

Sometimes I throw in other activities if one comes to mind.

I know that you can struggle with committing to doing an activity or making yourself actually start it. I would suggest doing something like just randomly pointing your finger onto the page with your eyes closed to randomly choose something and then you must do it. Or, order the list in your preference of what's most accessible for you to do. Try the first thing, and if it isn't working or you're really not enjoying it that day, then move on to the next on the list.

Just make it a mandatory thing in your brain. No excuses, no "just this time I won't..." no "I'll do that later"... when you're distressed, take out the list and start one. Eventually it'll become more of a habit. As time goes you might add or subtract things from the list as you get other ideas.

(For me, today, I was anxious after going to an appointment. I bought myself starbucks which I haven't had in ages. It cheered me up and I focused on enjoying the taste of it while I wandered around the grocery store trying to remember what I needed to buy).

Love the list and love that you treated yourself to Starbucks! I agree with the "no excuses" thing too.. Absolutely.

OMG you're already 50 and alone in life! You just somehow managed to make thirty years go by in a couple of hours...

Dial it back. All you need to do is get through the next few hours and go to bed. Don't plan your life or worry about the big picture when you're all amped up with anxiety. Nothing good will come of it. You can work on that stuff tomorrow. Just go scrub the toilet or watch a sitcom or bake some muffins or call a friend. Take your anxiety medication. Taking care of yourself is the surest way to avoid winding up back with your parents.

But it does feel like that right? Like I'm already 20 and look at the laundry list of crap I haven't done. Just a few minutes ago I swear it was yesterday and days turn to weeks turn to months turn to years and boom I'm old and alone and homeless.

I can't sleep. I lose so much time. I need to be noticing the time while I have it because soon I'll wish I had.

LCM told me I need to calm down and take meds and allow myself to relax but I can't do that. What if she doesn't know? One day she'll be gone and I lose all of that time. It just keeps moving regardless of what I do. Pretty soon it will be 9:10. Then 9:30. Then 10. Then midnight. Then next week. Then 2016. I just want to stop the world from turning. I can't lose this control but the funny thing is that by obsessing over it I do lose it.

And I'm 20. I don't want to go back to being 14. Time moving has always ended up working in my favor even though I've always been scared of it. My mom would yell at me and tell me that I'm wasting time I can never get back and that when I'm old and dying, I'll wish I had put the 30 mins I wasted complaining about doing my work into something constructive and ever since she said that, I can't get it out of my head. I want those 30 mins back to spend with my teacher I lost and I'll want them back when I lose my bed and eventually LCM

That's why I say to create a plan. It will help you feel like you're taking control of things. Just sit down and try it. If you can't, then you can't. But at least try.

Some of the things I do to distract is read recipes in cookbooks and think how I would change them. I lave some cake decorating skills so I search out Images of decorated cakes to have as examples inspiration. I read blogs from people that live full time in an RV. I read Quilt blogs...I have joke sites bookmarked that I can go read jokes...I plan gourmet feasts clear down to furniture and table settings.

I look up random information about animals like yesterday I was looking up life expectancy for a lizard and when the breeding cycle starts for birds in Florida.I can not really see cloud formations from my window but if the sun is out I look at the shadows on the tree trunks I call them my Tree Shadow Faces.

I do these things till my anxiety settles down and I can concentrate on something else. You are young so you might have other interests but you should be able to make a list of things to switch off the worry for a little while.I love the bookmark feature of my web browser because I am able to save addresses of sights that I find interesting so I can get to them and distract when I need to.

Good Luck!

Yeah... That's your anxiety talking. Treat it like you would a small child. Gently but firmly. Don't argue with it. Provide distractions. Bedtime and snacks are important. Some moments are precious and need to be cherished. This one just needs to be survived.

growlithing,

Let me share a big part of what DBT is trying to teach us.

Staying present in the current moment in time is key.

When you're having trouble staying present, that is when you refer to Distress tolerance skills, and there are so many! There are many skills because: sometimes we need all of them...some skills don't always work in the situation that we're in for us...using variety tends to take more of our attention, which is precisely what we are trying to do ~ focus our attention away from our stress of the moment to something better.

While the skills that you are trying may not be entirely relieving you of your distress, grab your book and try other recommended techniques. Or, go to www.dbtselfhelp.com and read some pages on that site to get yourself into a better state of mind. I find that coming onto this page of Psych Central can be triggering. Especially when I'm in somewhat of a fragile state of mind. Your first response makes me think that you may already carry a hypersensitivity to PC's psychotherapy forum, due to previous threads you've had, which intensifies the anxiety that you're already struggling with.

You need to get out of that frame of mind, and re-focus your thought pattern. I hope that you understand things better.

Gentle hugs to you.

Please do visit the following address for understanding your emotion/s, so you can help yourself get past this confusion.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/EmotionTFB.pdf

and then go to this page, which you'll understand much better after looking over the other

Describing

I was prepared to give up on dbt and have not done the dbt homework assigned to me by my therapist for session tomorrow but this link truly helped me. Thank you. I was feeling pretty down due to some thoughts that I let lead me to negative emotions. You helped me by posting that information.

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I needed this link right now too. thanks.