[sweepy62]

Something, I promised myself that I wouldnt do was to need a new t, when my old t left, I would fight this damn feeling, and I think I am failing. Yes you all must be tired of my postings, and its ok, you dont have to answer, I understand. I am just venting.

6 sessions in, and I am holding back from calling her, because all these feelings are coming up, I need need and need. Its all this little bit of trauma talk I disclosed I guess, and stuff.

What the #%$# is a call going to do, just provoke more needyness, Im not going to give her that satisfaction. This disclosure session, has provoked more nightmares, which I know its normal.

[AmysJourney]

Lovely sweepy... don't beat yourself up for your feelings.
They are there, they are valid, they are strong, they are overwhelming. They are REAL.

BUT, try to not let them consume you.
As I said somewhere else, I believe we have some power over our feelings. You could make a conscious choice on your feelings, they don't have to be the way they are now. And there are even small or bigger "cures" for what is going on right now...

I think seeing a therapist, especially in the beginning is like falling in love in real life. In the beginning we can't stop thinking about the person we fell in love with. We want to be around them 24/7. We want affection, attention, love etc. ALL THE TIME.
With many people in therapy this is exactly the same. Nothing else is more important than the sessions, the validation, the affection and so on.

What is it that you think you need? I am sure you can identify these needs. If you can identify them, you have the power to control them. Not your T does that - YOU do. You say you are not "giving her the satisfaction..." Actually, you are not giving yourself the satisfaction!
I might not be qualified to give you any advice whatsoever, I don't know your story or you. But I do know how I learnt to deal with the "need, need and need" feelings.
I wrote them out on a piece of paper when they were too overwhelming and I imagined what it would be like for me if all these needs were filled right now. How would it make me feel? I am going to tell you something I have not told many people before, but I am over the whole "I am ashamed for my actions"-thing so what the heck?

I had this thing that I realized when I was little - my parents would not let me go to the restroom when I needed it - as a part of their stupid torture. If I wet myself, I was punished very badly. So I had to keep it in for as long as I could. One day while I was in that situation I was so sad, I thought about a teacher I really liked and I imagined what she would say to me to make me feel comforted. I imagined she would tell me: I am here for you, I love you, I won't leave you" In my head I repeated these words over and over and I was stunned when I suddenly felt that when I thought these thoughts I had a very nice feeling in my full bladder that would wash in waves over me.
I started to hold my urine frequently after that and I would imagine how someone would comfort me and I had these really nice feelings inside me.
That became my very own comfort.
Even as an adult, in my early 20s I would still occasionally do that.
Eventually, as the time went by, I had these good feelings even when I didn't hold my urine while I imagined what I wanted someone to say to me. It became a form of self soothing thing for me and to this day, it works. When I can't get what I need, I imagine how good it would make me feel if I had it. And I don't allow myself to feel disappointed that I don't get it exactly when I need it. I just allow the comfort this "imaginary comfort" would give me.

I am not saying start holding your pee :-) I am saying, sometimes just allowing yourself to imagine what it would feel like when all your needs are satisfied is enough to take the overwhelming power of them away. A little like smelling some great food sometimes is enough to satisfy your craving for it but you don't have to actually eat it.

That's what helped me AND that's what helps my T, my friends, the people around me - to not feel that I need them so badly that they withdraw from me and it helps me with my fear that I might be too much to handle.

I am sorry you struggle so much, but I hope you will be able to find some comfort...

Lots of Love,
Amelia

[Asiablue]

Sweepy, i don't think denying yourself the need or comfort is going to lessen it any. In my experience, even tho i HATE calling my T out of session as soon as i do my anxiety lessens or goes away even, i feel like i've been soothed and i can go about my day or rest of week feeling ok. Whereas if i don't phone, i stay anxious all week and i struggle so badly and am miserable. For the sake of 2 mins of courage in picking up the phone and maybe a 20 min phonecall i can reach out and feel better.

[HazelGirl]

It makes it worse when you fight against it and try to not need your T.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Amelia112

Lovely sweepy... don't beat yourself up for your feelings.
They are there, they are valid, they are strong, they are overwhelming. They are REAL.

BUT, try to not let them consume you.
As I said somewhere else, I believe we have some power over our feelings. You could make a conscious choice on your feelings, they don't have to be the way they are now. And there are even small or bigger "cures" for what is going on right now...

I think seeing a therapist, especially in the beginning is like falling in love in real life. In the beginning we can't stop thinking about the person we fell in love with. We want to be around them 24/7. We want affection, attention, love etc. ALL THE TIME.
With many people in therapy this is exactly the same. Nothing else is more important than the sessions, the validation, the affection and so on.

What is it that you think you need? I am sure you can identify these needs. If you can identify them, you have the power to control them. Not your T does that - YOU do. You say you are not "giving her the satisfaction..." Actually, you are not giving yourself the satisfaction!
I might not be qualified to give you any advice whatsoever, I don't know your story or you. But I do know how I learnt to deal with the "need, need and need" feelings.
I wrote them out on a piece of paper when they were too overwhelming and I imagined what it would be like for me if all these needs were filled right now. How would it make me feel? I am going to tell you something I have not told many people before, but I am over the whole "I am ashamed for my actions"-thing so what the heck?

I had this thing that I realized when I was little - my parents would not let me go to the restroom when I needed it - as a part of their stupid torture. If I wet myself, I was punished very badly. So I had to keep it in for as long as I could. One day while I was in that situation I was so sad, I thought about a teacher I really liked and I imagined what she would say to me to make me feel comforted. I imagined she would tell me: I am here for you, I love you, I won't leave you" In my head I repeated these words over and over and I was stunned when I suddenly felt that when I thought these thoughts I had a very nice feeling in my full bladder that would wash in waves over me.
I started to hold my urine frequently after that and I would imagine how someone would comfort me and I had these really nice feelings inside me.
That became my very own comfort.
Even as an adult, in my early 20s I would still occasionally do that.
Eventually, as the time went by, I had these good feelings even when I didn't hold my urine while I imagined what I wanted someone to say to me. It became a form of self soothing thing for me and to this day, it works. When I can't get what I need, I imagine how good it would make me feel if I had it. And I don't allow myself to feel disappointed that I don't get it exactly when I need it. I just allow the comfort this "imaginary comfort" would give me.

I am not saying start holding your pee :-) I am saying, sometimes just allowing yourself to imagine what it would feel like when all your needs are satisfied is enough to take the overwhelming power of them away. A little like smelling some great food sometimes is enough to satisfy your craving for it but you don't have to actually eat it.

That's what helped me AND that's what helps my T, my friends, the people around me - to not feel that I need them so badly that they withdraw from me and it helps me with my fear that I might be too much to handle.

I am sorry you struggle so much, but I hope you will be able to find some comfort...

Lots of Love,
Amelia

thank you so much for taking the time to care, and put so much love and care into this post, im so sorry for what you went through, your post does mean alot and does make alot of sense to me, i have a struggle within myself. I will write down what it is I am needing but will keep it to myself, or since I draw, I will draw all of these emotions out. Thank you again.

[Hoppery]

Ahoy ship mate! Don't worry, I got your back! I'm still at the crows nest! As always, standing and watching. If you feel ready to do what you need to do, do it buddy! I'm backing you all the way!