How does your t deal with you and your Sui thoughts

This is exactly the same approach my T takes. She expects me to take care of myself outside of sessions and says "you know what to do". She knows I am smart enough to know that I'm supposed to call an emergency number if I want to be stopped. At the end of my last session she also told me that she would be very angry if I went ahead with it, after all this time (of having her help).

See, I am a little torn over this. I know there is only so much a t can do but I think that this is where lots of them go wrong, in how they deal with a suicidal client.
When I had these feelings, I just needed someone to be there and tell me they will pass like they always do, I just needed to be heard and acknowledged that I was struggling but so many ts distance themselves.
We are employing them for a service, to support us when we need it.
Last time I felt like this and I text ex t and said I was struggling she said ring doctor. No offer of extra session, or call or show of any concern or even ask what was going on. After that I never went back because it felt like she just didn't care, it is not her job to care but it is her job to support me and I felt like I was not being supported at all

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He doesn't care about it and says that I'm just angry. Sometimes he asked me should he need to call emergensy. When I cutted my wrists and texted him goodbye he called me.

Melanie

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This I can relate to. I have sometimes txted T when I have been struggling hard and feeling very low. Sometimes he hasn't responded at all and that feels like an abandonment, even if I know that it is because he doesn't think there is anything to say, and that I will be seeing him soon in person. I just want an acknowledgment, to know that somebody in the world knows and is thinking of me at that moment. I can imagine that he shares a bit of the struggle, and know that he will ask about it when I next see him, and it just makes things easier.

It does feel like abandonment or tough love Mastadon. I think that's all it takes is for someone to say hold on until the feelings pass, I know it's a struggle. I really don't understand how not answering or acknowledging is supposed to help. I know it is encouraging dependancy on them but the true meaning of empathy is to understand somebody else in their hour of need to try on their shoes and walk their journey with them. I am sorry you have been there too, it hurts

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I have to give my T credit for getting better at this after I've asked him to please acknowledge. And I also know that he doesn't check his txt messages all the time, so sometimes he won't see a message until the next day.

Back in October when I was going through a real crisis, I txted my T one evening and received an almost immediate reply - this was on a Saturday if I remember correctly. When we talked about what had happened on the following Tuesday he said something about how he was glad that I felt I could ask for support from him, and I said that at that moment I had been contemplating walking in front of a bus (as I was standing at the bus stop when I txted). He actually seemed a little shaken, and said that it was a coincidence that he'd seen my message so quickly and been able to respond at once, but in fact, just being able to txt him meant that I no longer felt the immediate sui urge. Not that receiving the quick reply didn't mean a lot, because it did, but I wouldn't want him to think that I might be in danger from myself just because he wasn't near his phone.

I'm not sure my therapist would see it that way at all. She would tell me that I'm working with her so that she can help me to support myself when I most need it. She considers her contract with me to be the 50 minute session once a fortnight. The time that she can help me and offer undivided attention is during my sessions with her.

I do now cope a lot better in between my sessions and don't really have that same sense of desperately needing to be heard during those extremely difficult times. I used to feel like everything would kind of be okay if I was heard by someone who cared, just once or twice when I most needed it. But my therapist hears me during my sessions, and now I've learned to sit with the feelings until my next session with her. I also think she would probably feel like she was rewarding my dependency if she contacted me every time I felt really desperate. And maybe she would be. I think it’s possible that some things would have been easier if she had always been able to get back to me during those times, but it’s also possible that some things are better now because she wasn’t able to.

Although I know that wanting to be heard and cared about are not the same thing as wanting to be saved, I now have a strong sense of knowing that I can't be magically saved by someone who is there to hear me every time I feel that way. I have quite a strong sense of knowing that I need to make the decision about whether to keep fighting and if that's what I want, then I will keep doing that as best as I can. I think that no matter how much I’ve wanted to end everything, the fact that I still wanted to reach out to my therapist during those times was because I had other reasons to hold on (like not being willing to put other people through it no matter how much I wanted it). I just had to decide that I was fighting for those reasons (regardless of whether or not my therapist could come to my aid during those desperate times). I don’t think I was managing nearly so well when I had such a strong sense of safety that was tied into that desire for the right person to come through for me in the right moment.

And if I still had a need to be heard and cared about, I think for me personally, it meant that I wasn’t really ready to let go and give up the fight. I think I just had to learn to be okay with fighting for myself in that moment, knowing that the intensity of the feelings would peak and then fall, that I could make sure that I stayed safe if that was what I wanted, and that I could hold onto the fact that my therapist will still be there, waiting to hear me in my next session. I think it starts to get easier, eventually.

…not that I’m trying to say that this is what everyone needs, and maybe at times it hasn’t been ideal for me either…but even though it's a tough path, it can lead to some good in the end, I think.

I have never told my T about my struggle with Sui and Si thoughts.....and yet they are a huge part of why I went there in the first place. I mean, without that struggle I'm not sure if I would have ever been able to get myself through the door. It was life or death for me. I'm better now but shaky. Sometimes they overpower me but I have periods of time where they are there, but less intense.

I feel silly for not telling my T. I dont want to tell him now because it's been a year. Now I'm ashamed of not telling him in the first place! I can't win....

Termination.

I suppose this is the risk for therapists and its a dangerous area for them, if they responded before and then not the next time and the client does do it or hurt themselves then will the therapist be held liable? Its a grey area. I think that it is good that you are able to be honest with your t and ask for the support when you need and and when the t can be there. I know they have their own life, needs and wants and their lives don't revolve around their clients but it is important to support their clients because we are trusting them with all of our trust and hope and hen they let us down its worse than when our friends or family do.

Yes there is a big difference in wanting to be heard and wanting to be saved.
Everyone's ts are so different too; some t's encourage outside contact and others dont. Most like to contain the therapy for the one hour weekly session and most clients cope with their struggles between sessions alone.
I suppose the best thing is to ask your t and be clear about this before you start seeing them.
My first t told me to contact her when I felt like this and she was great but eventually got fed up f it and terminated me because I didn't get any better or better fast enough for her, making everything worse for me.

What stops you telling him Freewillled? A year is a long time to not tell him (Not a judgement,just curious)

Snap Hurts, doesn't it?

While I have had thoughts of crashing my car into a tree a few times I have always had the insight to know that I couldn't do it because of my children. My T is not one that thinks SI=hospitalization all the time. I see very few of her clients at the psych unit where I work (I have had 4 in the 7 years I have been working there).

We have never really come out and talked about what we would do but in general conversations she has made comments that I realize are how she would want me to handle things...first of all she wants me to call her. The only way she would not answer if she is with a client or in a meeting. If it was really bad (which she doesn't anticipate happening) she told me to avoid the hospital I work at all cost) because my coworkers would be treating me. I should go to the hospital she works at. Her hospital doesn't have a psych unit so I would be transferred just make sure that they know my hospital is out of the question...and to try to get into a specific hospital in our area. Also she wants my husband to know this is as well...no my pdoc works at my hospital so it would be more difficult but necessary for me.

Initially because I didn't trust him much at all....and I was worried he would overreact or think I was making a big deal out of nothing. I realize those two potential responses are very black and white but that was where I was at - plus I convinced myself I didn't really need to tell him and that just going there and talking could be enough...I still sort of believe that.

Somewhere along the line I started trusting more at times and felt myself wanting to tell him, but was afraid of him thinking I'm being manipulative. I haven't needed to tell him this whole year, obviously, because I'm still here. So......idk.

I hate it when ts use the manipulation line. I know your t didn't say that freewilled but if it is how you are feeling it just is and it's not about manipulation often it's cry for help or just to be seen or heard by someone.
You obviously have so e good strong support and excellent coping skills


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Thank you, Mona I don't know that I really have good coping skills but I love my family and wouldn't want to hurt them....or for anyone else to be hurt by my actions. My T has never called me manipulative - in fact he has responded to me with a deep compassion I didn't think was possible coming from a T. I think I might tell him about it next time. Maybe just to say I'm embarrassed to be keeping secrets that were central to why I came to see him in the first place.

How would it be to tell him do you think? Perhaps he already knows or suspects
Sometimes we don't need to tell them everything, but I think it might be a relief to tell him and share your secret?

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With LCM, it's interesting. At first, she said she thinks that having passive sui thoughts is normal and natural for most people occasionally. She encouraged talking about them and we would explore the topic. Now almost six months after meeting with her and working with her quite closely, either her feelings about sui thoughts or her feelings about me have changed because she has a much harder time hearing about them. She gets more upset faster and more concerned. I imagine it is easy for her to talk about sui with people who are residential for a few weeks and then leave because she doesn't attach to them that fast but when it's more drawn out, she does get attached and finds it more upsetting. She was the same way about my self harm. Totally calm and collected in the face of it. She was okay with my scars and completely put together when my arm was bleeding. Now, she is somewhat upset by the same scars and wants them to go away. She hasn't ever said that, but I know she feels that way because she always without fail asks to look at them and asks about how I am taking care of them.

School T gets very nervous. ExTT would just ask if I was in danger and left it there.

Yeah - I don't think I have to tell him....one of my problems, though, is presenting a facade that I'm fine. I'm ok. I don't need help. I'm good. I even present it to myself at times and then I get all confused and don't know which end is up.....I sometimes worry that I will give my T the wrong impression. But that goes both ways. Sometimes I worry I'm good and I will give him an impression that I'm doing worse than I am. I know this sounds messed up......it sucks. We'll see...

When I was in therapy she would spend as much time with me on the phone, in session or whatever I needed to get me over it. It's been more than a year now since I have felt suicide or an early death was going to be my lot in life. It use to be a running theme in the back of my mind since I was a preteen. I only held off because I had a family to raise. Now that my family is moving up and out this would have been my last year on earth. What a surprise to me that I am looking forward to old age. And. that's a good surprise.

Also, my ex therapist does not believe that hospitalization is the best way to treat suicidality. Yes, I know that most ail disagree with her opinion - and that's OKAY.

ETA: I made one of the biggest blunders in my whole life this past week. And many people close to me will suffer financially. In the past, the first thing and the only thing that would have come to mine was thoughts of suicide. Not this time, I felt bad, I thought about buying a lottery ticket, which I never do, and then I thought I have to tell my family, and they will be angry at me and will be angry forever, and I could live with that. Before in my life I could not live with the thought of anyone being mad at me. For me the opposite of mad or angry was HATE, but now I know that's only because I hated myself. In fact I couldn't stand the thought of anyone loving me because I couldn't stand myself. Not the case anymore, thanks to an exceptional therapist.

I have shared my blunder with my family, and every single one of them has been very forgiving, and our happy lives are going on. My kid, "Mom it's okay. It will work out." Priceless - because it affects his life and his future family the most.

This is what I do too, pretend like nothing is wrong and everything is fine. Get all dressed up to go to t but t sees straight through it. I have a very expressive face and people see my sadness in my eyes even when I try hide it.
It's not messed up it's just how we cope and how we have coped all our lives. It can be hard to let down our barriers

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