Just finished with my second consult and I think this T might be the one!

First, two caveats.

A) I didn't actually ask her any questions. I meant to, but then I spent practically the whole session talking about myself. So, next session if I decide to book it, I will ask about boundaries and termination procedures and out of session contact and whether she takes notes, but for now, I feel like this might work. If I really don't like her answers in the second session, yes it's inconvenient, but then I don't have to book another session.

B) I was in a really good mood today and happy and smiley and bubbly and witty and self-aware and calm and collected and in my usual "can charm the pants off anybody" state that I inhabit when I'm at school or wherever else. The thing is, I'm not usually like that in therapy. Once I start to trust the T, that super happy, super confident self disappears and is replaced by a clingy, whiny, anxious, defensive, sullen mess of a person. This T said she would be able to work with me and help me, but she hasn't seen me like that - she's only seen the part of me that, quite frankly, anyone could love. I don't know if she would be able to handle it, but I guess that's what I'll find out.

Other than that - I really felt comfortable and safe with her. I mean, I told her lots of really personal stuff and felt fine about it, and she responded really well to everything I said. She's also really expressive, which I like - it's completely the opposite of current T. She was reacting to the stuff I was saying; I could see it on her face, and she smiled and laughed with me a few times, which was also really nice. And she empathized with my attachment issues, and she complimented my self-awareness and maturity and for solving my eating disorder problem almost singlehandedly, and I am a sucker for compliments.

She also threw in a (not super relevant) self disclosure when I mentioned that I'm super sensitive to sounds and lights, and she said she used to be that way too until she got older and some of her ear cells died, which is what happens when you get older apparently. I really like self-disclosures like that - they don't take up a lot of time, but it just makes me comfortable and it's less formal. Current T would never say something like that, so maybe it's just the contrast.

I told her all the things I would need from a therapist, ex. gentleness, letting me go at my own pace, not judging me, not being reactive or getting defensive, not getting upset at me, warmth, availability, investment in me, etc. and she said none of that seemed like it would be a problem and my needs seem pretty reasonable to her and she thinks she can fill them, but she also said it doesn't matter if she thinks she can fill them; it matters if I think she's filling them or not. (She scored some major points on that one.) And she also said that she has absolutely no problem telling her clients she cares about them because she does care about them, and she doesn't have super strict no contact outside of session rules (although I didn't ask about the specifics).

She also took me in ten minutes early, right when I arrived, and didn't end early to make up for that, and she was okay with me giving her very long, very detailed stories in response to her questions, and it definitely didn't feel clinical. So I have a good feeling about it. I'll do my consult on Monday, but unless I feel super excited about that one, I think this is the one and I'll probably make an appointment with her for next Saturday and then discuss logistics like notes and boundaries and termination and experience and modality (although she did tell me she's mostly psychodynamic, but occasionally throws in some CBT, even though she understands I'm not fond of it).

The only thing is, I didn't tell her about current T. I told her I'd stopped seeing current T (or at least implied that), which is maybe fine because they don't need to know about each other...we'll see. But either way, I'm feeling excited about this one!

She sounds very nice. Me want!

She sounds very good!!!

I hope so!!!