need commiseration

I just actually added up and made a graph of the number of emails exchanged between myself and T in the last 15 months, in hopes it would show they were decreasing, in a rather pathetic attempt at giving myself hope that I won't actually be in therapy forever.

While the trend was not increasing, the strength of the decreasing trend was not particularly convincing

I've nominally been trying to go every other week instead of every week since this January, but I wound up getting into a huge rupture with T which resulted in a 30-minute phone conversation and a session that went 45 minutes over, effectively nullifying my efforts to cut back.

Somebody kill me now

15 months seems pretty short in the scheme of things. Maybe you're not ready slow down or stop. Maybe you're reaching a pivotal point in your therapy. Are you on a tight schedule or something? What's your hurry? What would be so terrible about being in therapy forever? I think you're making yourself feel bad unnecessarily. I hate to trot out a tired cliché here but: this takes as long as it takes.

I only had the attention span to graph the last 15 months, but I've actually been in therapy for the last 2.5 years. I'm not really sure I understand why part of me is so worried about being in therapy forever, but it's like I've been trying to leave ever since I started...

I'm sort of resigning myself to the fact that I'll be in therapy forever. The better periods of my life have always been when I was in therapy. I can definitely understand the hopeless feeling but think of the alternative.

It's okay to be in therapy long-term. It doesn't mean anything bad about you.

Sounds like running away from vulnerability. 2.5 years isn't much, either, assuming once a week or less. If I remember correctly, you're training to be a T? An openness to lifelong therapy sort of comes with the territory. It doesn't mean you pursue personal therapy, as opposed to supervision, continually, but being open to the idea as needed would seem to be important.

You sound like a nun that thinks living a holy life is all about self denial.
Therapy is the place to expose our desires & needs.
15months is nothing in the therapy journey.
About that time, my repressed needs were just waking.
I emailed all the time. Just about managing to not fall apart with the feelings that accompanied them.
I told T I felt like a toddler needing to follow her from room to room.
T said "that's exactly where those feelings are coming from and I'm testing she is strong enough to withstand those out pouring of feeling as my adoptive mother wasn't"