I'm trying an experiment

I get that. I really do. But I can promise you that one of two things will happen. Either you get to the place where you are ready to let go, or you stay with him forever. You can slowly reduce the number of sessions, or you can say goodbye all at once when you're ready. Of you're in control of the ending, you are totally in control of it. You have to trust that things really are in your control.

My T has said over and over that I'm in the driver's seat for termination but the problem is I don't believe him at all.

I think this whole thread would make for a really good session....

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I think it would, too.

I’ve been doing a similar experiment.

Lately I only respond to emails when T initiates contact to ask how I’m doing. I usually send back a matter-of-fact and concise response, and most of the time T doesn’t reply back. I think he just wants to know I’m okay if he’s worried about me without going too deep via email. T hasn’t seemed phased by my backing off from email, and we haven’t discussed it in person.

Let’s be real – emailing is all good and well, for US. T’s aren’t paid for the time they spend reading and responding to email, and unless we are in crisis or are desperate or T really encourages between appointment contact for specific client-need based reasons, it’s my feeling that it’s best to limit emails as much as possible. Most emailing takes away from their personal time, and are things that are best discussed in person. Plus, they can’t feasibly keep up email contact with all clients. I’m pretty sure my T quickly scans the emails to make sure I’m not needing to reschedule or I’m not in danger, and files away the emails for reading before the next session.

I’ll be honest, I feel better about myself being more independent and self-sufficient, and emailing tends to give me more anxiety than not. So all in all it’s been a good experiment so far!

Everything you post I've been relating to! I seriously would just love to message/chat back and forth if you ever want someone to talk to about this because I am literally going through the exact same thing; it's uncanny.

I'm trying like hell not to message my T. I already sent him a pretty photo I took in the park last weekend cause we were talking about hobbies and passions. I felt like he was insinuating I had none? I feel like I'm just breaking boundaries left and right, and it's absolutely thrilling.

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”