Transference was actually helpful

I mentioned I was going to do this but didn't do it until the other day. I have a class project due tomorrow which is to be a mock therapy session with another classmate for a certain therapeutic style. Mine was existential therapy. Well my partner withdrew from class and it's an odd number of students so I have to do it alone though someone will help me do the role play. So I brought it up to my pdoc and he mentioned we should just tape a session and I could use that. So I made the appointment, and went the session yesterday. I didn't realy want to use a real session and he agreed. At first he asked if I wanted him to play the patient, but since he has the therapy training I said he should still play the T (plus I could've done the reverse with someone else). He even went through scenarios with me to come up with the right "issue" to discuss.

My husband thought it was really weird that he would do this with me, and maybe it is, but I thought it was nice. It was a session technically, so it wasn't inappropriate. Even with my transefence issues I didn't think too much of it since I thought we'd just be taping my own session.

I didn't even think of utilizing him for this project until he brought it up himself after I talked about how my partner dropped out. Since we did it like I would have done the project with any other student, it affected my transference but I think in a more healthy way, sort of. I felt like he was doing me a special favor and felt like he genuinely likes me. But not in any romantic way, which is an issue I always have with guys- or guys that I think are "above me". I think intelligent, attractive men are always criticizing me, that I don't have anything of value other than sex to offer them. Sadly, I've just never known how to relate to men unless they are men I don't really like, if that makes any sense at all.

So in this way, working with him is, especialy like our session yesterday, was like social skills training or something. I don't know if you'd all see it that way, but in a way it was helpful in more than academic ways. But it made me feel more confident and less shy with men than I have in a while. This is probably silly, but I just wanted to share, and see if anyone can relate?

I married two guys i didnt even like, so yeah i can relate. I dont like my family of origin and they dont like me, but which came first? This feeling of inferiority - even as groucho marx said, i dont want to be a member of any club that would have me - is pretty life-destroying.

It is life destroying. What is even weirder for me is that I like my family, my Dad, my brohters. My brother was mostly in charge of me since Dad was depressed and either asleep or not home. So I suppose the criticism comes partly from a teen boy being in charge of a little girl. Not mean spirited as he did so much for me. But at the same time when Dad was around he and the brothers reminded me I'd get fat if I ate something (even tho I was thin), that I need to devlop some kind of skill set since I don't have enough of a sparkling personality to get by without them (which is probably true for most people, right?), maybe sleep with your boss so you can get a promotion...the anxiety that comes from that is paralyzing to say the least.

Yes, I can absolutely relate! Even though I have strong romantic/erotic transference for my T, he has DEFINITELY helped me feel much more confident and less shy/insecure around men. I've even giving cute strangers my number, or asking some guys out that I know were too shy to ask me out. I've always been so afraid of getting rejected, but my T is definitely teaching me that I am okay, just as I am, and that men will respond to that.

I don't think this was silly, i think it was amazing. You learned something really valuable about yourself today and that's something to be proud of. I'm also glad you shared it here. i l personally love hearing this kind of stuff.

I think that is awesome! I'm glad he came through for you after reading your last thread about doubts. Plus, I'll bet you aced the project, haha.

Thanks! I wasn't sure if he meant it, as I needed to make an extra appointment just for this, but he was happy to. And yes, his input will be much better than my former classmate's would have been!