[Alishia88]

I feel that my T might be mad at me or something and is not telling me, really.

The thing is, since a few weeks, I´ve been suffering from extreme anxiety when it comes to any form of appointment. I canceled one a while ago and said I´d call back.

Then I called and asked just to speak with her about it.
At first she was very nice and understanding and I saw her that day because she had an opening.

We basically agreed that I could call when I had time from then on, and if she had an opening, I´d jump into that. That meant for me, that I couldn´t see her that regular for now anymore, but I was very okay with that and she said it was okay for her too, she just needed to know that I would call and we would keep a connection, so I wouldn´t get "lost".

So for the last 5 weeks, and 4 times that I called, she hadn´t called me back once. I´m not mad about that, I understand that when there is no opening she doesn´t feel like she has to call back. However, I think 5 weeks is a long time and I don´t know, I think it´s weird.

Once, when I called and we talked about it, I said I would like to keep it this way for now and she said, in a not so friendly way, that I couldn´t expect her to call me always rightaway when she was with a client. I felt a little offended at that, because I had never once said that she needed to call me back or neither right away. Maybe she felt that she had to, and that´s why she felt defensive.

Anyway, when she called me back today and said she had an opening tonight, she sounded not so warm like she did when I saw her regularly, and we only talked shortly, which I think is weird considering we havn´t had contact in over a month.

Because of all of this, I feel that she might be mad at me for this whole arrangement. Which I find weird. I mean, if she´s not alright with it, she should just say it. We could either try regular appointments or I could take a break from therapy, but being mad and not telling me, doesn´t feel right and I don´t feel good disclosing personal stuff with her when she´s mad.

Should I ask her?

[stopdog]

I would ask if I was worried about it.

Certainly ask. She does sound grumpy. My guess is it has nothing to do with you, but it won't hurt to ask.

[HazelGirl]

Definitely ask. Is there a reason you aren't going in for sessions and are only calling (like distance)?

[Alishia88]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Definitely ask. Is there a reason you aren't going in for sessions and are only calling (like distance)?

Thank you for your answers!

O I think I might not have explained it properly.

I DO go into sessions, only we don´t set up appointments in advance.

The way it works is, I call once or twice or so in a week and ask if she has an opening that day, due to a free appointment or cancellation.
When she does, she calls me back and I then jump into that appointment.

If there is nothing free, she doesn´t call me back.

Yes, well, the reason is, that suddenly I started to get very panicky when I had an appointment the next day and I could not sleep at all. And I mean, really not at all.

I thought talking about it in therapy would help, but it hasn´t so far.

I think it might be a burn-out thing because prior to this phenomenon , I´ve had many appointments in the week and I think maybe it got too much.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Alishia88

Thank you for your answers!

O I think I might not have explained it properly.

I DO go into sessions, only we don´t set up appointments in advance.

The way it works is, I call once or twice or so in a week and ask if she has an opening that day, due to a free appointment or cancellation.
When she does, she calls me back and I then jump into that appointment.

If there is nothing free, she doesn´t call me back.

Yes, well, the reason is, that suddenly I started to get very panicky when I had an appointment the next day and I could not sleep at all. And I mean, really not at all.

I thought talking about it in therapy would help, but it hasn´t so far.

I think it might be a burn-out thing because prior to this phenomenon , I´ve had many appointments in the week and I think maybe it got too much.

I think that the fact that you are allowing your panic to control your life is not a good thing. I understand it's uncomfortable, but it's not helping you to run from panic-inducing situations.

I say this because it sounds like that uncertainty and distance may be impacting your therapy by making that connection very difficult to maintain. It doesn't sound like a healthy set-up.

[Mactastic]

Why don't you set up appointments in advance? It seems like a strange way to make appointments, almost like she "squeezes you in" when she can. I think a lot of us have standing appointment times that we change as needed.

[Freewilled]

I would experience it as though she could be mad also. I would definitely bring it up, as difficult as that might be. The part that you wrote which stood out to me the most was when she said you can't expect her to answer the phone when she is with clients, as though that it what you were asking her to do. As long as you haven't asked for such a thing or shown anger toward her for it, I think it is HER issue. She could be projecting her own stuff onto you.

But the only way to resolve it is to talk to her directly about it