Met ex t

Even if you can't see the unethical part, perhaps it is easier to understand the betrayal of opening up to a t and learning to trust again after being terminated by previous t and then a year into our relationship finding out t not only knew my first t as a friend and a proffesional and was supervising her too.

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I am sorry that you've suffered so much over this.

I also do not see the ethical conflict. What's more, it looks to me like it's quite possible that your ex-T also genuinely does not see the conflict. If you choose to believe her, she didn't think it was a conflict of interest, and she did not recommend that T1 terminate you. She wanted to know how you felt betrayed; you thought she was "being cute," but it reads more to me as her being genuinely puzzled as to how you feel betrayed. I wonder, did you make it clear to her that you think she's lying? If she didn't realize that, I think she'd be a lot more in the dark in this situation.

I get this Mona, but like I said, this wasn't deceit or betrayal. This was a poor judgment call. She didn't want to lie to you or betray you. She didn't take you as a client in order to learn about her supervisee. She probably had no clue until you were already her client, and then she legally couldn't say anything about it.

I know she was lying. I found a text from t1 naming her as her supervisor! I am going to step away from this now as I am having to repeat the same things over and feel as though I am having to justify and prove my actions here!
I don't expect anyone to get this but all I needed was a little support or understanding perhaps!

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I agree. The only question is: can you forgive her?

I wish therapists would not give us so much practice in forgiving.

i think if i were terminated by a T and referred to another T in the same practice, and then found out only much later that the current T didn't tell me they were the supervisor, i'd feel so angry and deceived. i say that as someone who is pretty mellow about T behaviors gone wrong and usually just shakes them off. i imagine if this happened to many of the people in this forum they would be spitting mad. whether or not it is a conflict of interest the fact is mona was willfully deceived by her T. that is wrong and in no way an action to benefit the client. i can't think of any therapeutic reason why her T did not tell her she was the supervisor. i remember another poster here who had a very similar situation and she totally knew her current T was her former T's supervisor after she was terminated & referred to her because of her transference. no one's confidentiality would have been broken by mona knowing this info in her situation. that said mona, i do think it is important not to get stuck in feeling betrayed & deceived but to feel the hurt and then let it go, so it doesn't cause lasting damage in your life. while it can be difficult to do there is freedom in forgiveness.

I know you are stepping away, but just so you know, I wasn't talking about whether she was lying about whether she was T1's supervisor or not. I mean that you seem to think that she might be lying about whether she advised T1 to terminate (she says no, you think maybe), or that she might be lying about her stated position that she doesn't believe it was a conflict of interest.

I do see a lot of support and understanding in this thread, even if people are also talking about other aspects of this. I hope you feel better about this soon, and I'm sorry that it's so distressing.

Okay. But that is THEIR relationship. If they acted according to their ethical standards, then when or if they discussed you, they were not supposed to mention your name. You dont KNOW what they said to each other about you.

You are assuming that if you said something negative about one person, that the other person took it at face value and reported it to the first person. You are assuming this hurts one or both persons. One thing ts have repeated to me over and over is, you are not that powerful.

Maybe this is not what you mean by betrayal. I know i need things to be very concrete. I need examples! Dialogue.

Eta - i see now that i responded after you said you were stepping away. I really am trying to support you. But i guess i am really trying to convince you to see things a different way. Sorry.