T said it- "We can't be friends".

SeekerOfLife · Apr 02, 2014, 08:26 AM

T, about what you said last time, about how we cant be friends, well, I would like to tell you how your words hurt me.....

IndestructibleGirl · Apr 02, 2014, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Syra

I get this I think. I think if my T said something like "I really like being your therapist, and I wouldn't want anything to happen to make it difficult to be your therapist as long as you want. That means that we can't be friends afterwards, but it doesn't mean that we can't feel fondly about each other, and you can come back any time." or some version that included some affirmation and care while also setting a boundary.

Instead he, like your T, says "we can't be friends." It's really tactless. I didn't ask to be friends, and I don't want to be friends. I understand and want him to remain my therapist. I hate looking for a therapists. more than I find it difficult to have friends.
I think they think they are being helpful in setting clear boundaries. It is better than unclear boundaries. But it's not done in a very kind way.

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think a sensitive approach to this would be to strike a balance between acknowledging the authentic care that you both feel for one another, and at the same time reinforcing the safe framework.

HealingTimes · Apr 02, 2014, 09:40 AM

Today I was working at my 'Favourite Clients' house, thinking about this whole situation.
I came to the realisation that although I am fond of this client, and enjoy doing work for her, I wouldn't want to spend time with her outside of my work environment. That doesn't mean that I don't like working with her and doesn't mean that I like her any less....I guess this is how it is with my T and I.

I guess it doesn't mean that I am not 'special' to her-I imagine ALL of her clients are special to her- it just means that for my T, I am a job and nothing more. I just have to accept that.

Leah123 · Apr 02, 2014, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Today I was working at my 'Favourite Clients' house, thinking about this whole situation.
I came to the realisation that although I am fond of this client, and enjoy doing work for her, I wouldn't want to spend time with her outside of my work environment. That doesn't mean that I don't like working with her and doesn't mean that I like her any less....I guess this is how it is with my T and I.

I guess it doesn't mean that I am not 'special' to her-I imagine ALL of her clients are special to her- it just means that for my T, I am a job and nothing more. I just have to accept that.

I don't think being a therapist is a "job" like the type you're thinking of. It's not like being an accountant or plumber or programmer.

I once had a talk with my therapist about this, and she said the use of the word "job" in the context you just used it did not fit her perception at all, that she thought of her work as a vocation, never "just a job." Her work is an integral, deeply fulfilling, important part of her life, not just a 9-5 way to get paid.

I hope you will think of it more like that, that it's not "just" anything to devote your life to working with clients so willing to work on themselves, to struggle for better, to need a helping hand, and to get emotionally involved with them. My therapist calls that type of work sacred.

HealingTimes · Apr 02, 2014, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leah123

I don't think being a therapist is a "job" like the type you're thinking of. It's not like being an accountant or plumber or programmer.

I once had a talk with my therapist about this, and she said the use of the word "job" in the context you just used it did not fit her perception at all, that she thought of her work as a vocation, never "just a job." Her work is an integral, deeply fulfilling, important part of her life, not just a 9-5 way to get paid.

I hope you will think of it more like that, that it's not "just" anything to devote your life to working with clients so willing to work on themselves, to struggle for better, to need a helping hand, and to get emotionally involved with them. My therapist calls that type of work sacred.

Thanks Leah, that is a lovely reply

I know that if/when I talk to my T about it, she will be nothing but helpful and supportive. I know that I am important to her and that I am not merely a 'job', but (here is that petulant child again) "its just not fair" (Stamps feet, crosses arms and sulks).

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T said it- "We can't be friends".

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