I've been re-reading Lott's In Session, and underlining a lot of passages that I've found interesting and feel pertains to my relationship with my T. I have no clue if he's heard of the book or not, but I've thought about lending him my copy so he can read what I've underlined and possibly get a better understanding where I'm coming from, especially regarding transference.

Would this be a good idea? What if he says no thanks?

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[Mactastic]

I wish I had an answer. I want to lend my T the same book for the same reasons as you but I'm too chicken.

[Perna]

Mine always said "no thanks" to such things because she wanted me to talk to her, to tell her how I felt right then, in session. Being asked to read a book out of session for you may be a bit much? Mine would not even read a paragraph from a book I brought in; she insisted I tell her what I wanted to tell her (what the book/paragraph/whatever meant to me). . . the nerve of the woman

Might be asking a bit much. Now you could always bring up a passage in session as a starting point for discussion. That seems more reasonable and more likely to be successful.

[unaluna]

Mine would ask to tell him what it was about, or he would read half a page or so, no problem, or even more. I agree, i think it's a bit much to give them a homework assignment of a whole book.

[Mactastic]

My T is the one that told me about In Session but he told me he'd only heard good things about it. I think his intention was to read it at some point so I take a little comfort in that.

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[purplemystery]

I think it might be a good idea to write down some of the most important quotes you've found from the book. Then maybe you could print it out and show him. I've done that with an article, and I think my T liked it. It was nice to talk through an article- it was like a comforting form of security that other people feel the same way as me, so my T couldn't judge me.

[iGottaBme]

There have been posts on this very forum about clients lending their T a book only to learn sadly that it never got read. Lending a book comes with a lot of expectations. I agree with others here that it is worth pulling out a few meaningful quotes to discuss with your T and see where it goes from there.

[pinkbutterfly]

I did that with one of my Ts once. I had read Life Without Ed by Jenni Schafer and I was like...wow someone is inside of my head. My T hadn't had experience with EDs, so she found it really helpful.

[nottrustin]

I haven't yet. However, I recently borrowed one of T's books http://www.amazon.com/Battling-Bipol...polar+disorder . Recently there was a followup book and released. When I mentioned to T I was going to buy it...she asked if she could borrow it and then decide if she wants to buy it to add to her lending library.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by pinkbutterfly

I did that with one of my Ts once. I had read Life Without Ed by Jenni Schafer and I was like...wow someone is inside of my head. My T hadn't had experience with EDs, so she found it really helpful.

That book is awesome. I didnt realize thats what my head was saying until i read it in there. Then i heard my parents voices - my parental introject - and i was like whoa.

[Sunflower Queen]

My Ex T would only borrow books I took from the library. I would sign out books that took months to get on waiting list and she would borrow those. If she was still reading I would extend the time I wouldn't mention the late fees... as others were on waiting list after I would return.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by Perna

Mine always said "no thanks" to such things because she wanted me to talk to her, to tell her how I felt right then, in session. Being asked to read a book out of session for you may be a bit much? Mine would not even read a paragraph from a book I brought in; she insisted I tell her what I wanted to tell her (what the book/paragraph/whatever meant to me). . . the nerve of the woman

Mine is the same way. She says "I don't like to read, I am not that good at it" (someone who has a Bachelor's, two Master's Degrees, and is slowly working on her PsyD).

They've got a point, though.

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I've been re-reading Lott's In Session, and underlining a lot of passages that I've found interesting and feel pertains to my relationship with my T. I have no clue if he's heard of the book or not, but I've thought about lending him my copy so he can read what I've underlined and possibly get a better understanding where I'm coming from, especially regarding transference.

Would this be a good idea? What if he says no thanks?

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

I've been wanting to read this book forever now, but it is so expensive! And I can't find it anywhere to check out! So I have to ask, now that you have read this book, do you think it is a good book to read regardless of the gender of our therapists? I have always wondered if this book was more geared toward having a male Therapist, not sure why. If it is gender neutral, I think I will definitely invest because I've heard so many good things!

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

I've been wanting to read this book forever now, but it is so expensive! And I can't find it anywhere to check out! So I have to ask, now that you have read this book, do you think it is a good book to read regardless of the gender of our therapists? I have always wondered if this book was more geared toward having a male Therapist, not sure why. If it is gender neutral, I think I will definitely invest because I've heard so many good things!

You can find the book for cheap on half.com. And yes, it is gender neutral, and covers all kinds of transference. Definitely worth the read!

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[nottrustin]

T rarely reads. She says she just doesn't have time. Frequently if there is a books she wonders if it would be good to add to her lending library she will ask me to read it and tell her what I think.

So I typed out the more notable quotes that I would like to discuss this next session. It's like a page and a quarter. Hopefully this won't be too overwhelming for him, but I feel these quotes say more eloquently what I can't seem to say aloud. It's stupid. I've already told him how I've felt, yet I need to bring it to the surface once again. Maybe he thought I was over him. Nope. God, I hope he isn't disappointed. I've been making great progress in our sessions, and to put this on him again, makes me feel bad.

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

[feralkittymom]

I agree with others that a whole book is asking a bit much. But selected quotes that you bring into session to talk about is a great idea.

I gave my T an academic journal article once because it deconstructed a group therapy situation that I felt was exactly what I was experiencing with a dysfunctional group I was involved with, and he was very appreciative. In that case, the article did much better than I could have to explain what was happening, and since it was happening outside of my indiv therapy, it allowed us to work through what I needed to do without spending nearly as much of my therapy time.

[stopdog]

I would not know where to start- the woman seems to have missed Shakespeare, Austen, Faulkner, Chaucer, Woolf, etc.

[JaneC]

I mentioned a book to my T that I was interested in reading and thought might be good for him to read also, and he became quite interested to get it too. He, like me, loves to read. He ended up reading it before me, and hinted some caution was needed before I read it. That of course had me buying it immediately! He was right......I have still to go back to it. Hahaha. (hate that he was right of course )

He has also offered me 2 of his own books to read, and being ungrateful I turned them down at the time...... I felt awkward about accepting them, was worried about the expectation it involved to make sure I read them and then what if I couldn't? Now I realise it was a very generous thing for him to do, and I hope I did not upset him by saying no. I want to ask for one of them this week actually, but what if he says no now? lol

I hope your T is kind with you winenot3

[angelicgoldfish05]

Originally Posted by winenot3

I've been re-reading Lott's In Session, and underlining a lot of passages that I've found interesting and feel pertains to my relationship with my T. I have no clue if he's heard of the book or not, but I've thought about lending him my copy so he can read what I've underlined and possibly get a better understanding where I'm coming from, especially regarding transference.

Would this be a good idea? What if he says no thanks?

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

Hmm, I'm not sure about what to do for your situation. Sounds like it will add some material to work with in your work together though, what with helping to explain the transference. It seems asking a lot for an already busy t to do reading in their spare time though.

In my situation with my ex-t, I mailed him my copy of "One Child" by Torey Hayden. It had passages that I underlined and highlighted in it. I had emailed him previously telling him about it, and how specifically, all of chapter 10 really reminded me of him. Anyways, I don't actually expect him to read it or anything. It's a gift. His choice what he does (or does not) do with it really.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by pinkbutterfly

I did that with one of my Ts once. I had read Life Without Ed by Jenni Schafer and I was like...wow someone is inside of my head. My T hadn't had experience with EDs, so she found it really helpful.

I also gave my t a book about Anorexia which she said was helpful. I sent it with a letter to her in the post.

[brillskep]

That's a beautiful quote. Thank you for sharing it.

I don't really have an answer for you. I did lend a couple of magazines to my therapist and also articles and notes about therapy, but that was very, very different. It didn't have any message about transference. It takes courage and trust to do this and it's up to you to decide if you are willing to do it, if you feel safe enough to take the risk.