[HazelGirl]

I came into therapy kind of understanding the concept of transference. But I expected it to be the more well-known positive transference stuff. I expected all those lovely feelings of care and comfort, etc... But instead I got negative transference. I know my T is amazing, but sometimes, I dislike therapy and my relationship with her. The transference is all fear-based, and makes me so terrified all the time.

When I am most anxious, afraid, and suspicious, I believe she is just trying to make me comfortable so that she can turn around and hurt me more. When it's less severe, I believe she will abandon me as soon as I annoy or frustrate her. I feel like I am constantly on the precipice of being rejected and left alone, like always. It's terrible.

I can't just trust her or relax or accept any kindness shown to me. I believe it is all a mask to inner hatred of me, or at least disdain. I feel like she tolerates me at best, or downright loathes me at worst. There's no way she can have any sort of kind feelings for me.

Ugh! I want to think happy thoughts, not live in constant terror!

[stopdog]

I have never had positive transference. I have no concept what it would be to think the woman was wonderful.
She is not completely incompetent or inadequate. But I can't say I have ever found her wonderful.

[CantExplain]

Transference is a step on the path towards healing.

[Wren_]

I had a lot of negative stuff come up with my current T at first that even while it was there I could tell was more negative transference than anything connected with him personally; letting him know what was going on and being open about it ... talking about it here at the time and just reminding myself it wasn't about him were things that helped at least a little bit ... it can be horrid to go through though

[growlycat]

Even though I have an overall positive relationship with both T's, I still have negative reactions to them. I can relate to what you are saying.

A couple of weeks ago, CBT T had a bit of an outburst towards me, which to me sounded a lot like yelling. He went from being "safe" to someone who seemed capable of lashing out and hitting me.

When at my most suspicious, I often feel my T's are trying to hurt me. Intentionally.

The only way out of it for me is to ask clarifying questions in a non-accusing way. You seemed upset with me--did you raise your voice because you are mad at me?? Stuff like that.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Transference is a step on the path towards healing.

As far as i can tell i have not experienced transference so there must be other paths to healing.

Transference is usually experienced on an unconscious level.

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Transference is usually experienced on an unconscious level.

But not on a comatose level!

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Transference is usually experienced on an unconscious level.

True. However, I know myself really well and know the root cause of my transference, so I do know for a fact that's exactly what is going on.

Sorry, let me clarify, I was responding to a part of seekersinking post only,"As far as I can tell I have not experienced transference." Transference was the bulk of my therapy, but I was not consciously aware of in my interactions with others, until therapy.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Goingtogetthere

Sorry, let me clarify, I was responding to a part of seekersinking post only,"As far as I can tell I have not experienced transference." Transference was the bulk of my therapy, but I was not consciously aware of in my interactions with others, until therapy.

Ah. That makes more sense. Yeah, one of the goals of therapy is to make you aware of transference as it comes up. That way, when it appears in the future, you can call it as you see it and know not to react on it.

PS - I chose a female T after dealing with positive transference from a male mentor. I didn't want that to happen again in a situation I couldn't deal with it, and I figured it would be less severe with a female T. Nope. I was wrong. It's just as severe, but in the opposite direction, and even worse because talking about it means telling my extremely kind and caring T that I distrust her and believe she is out to hurt me. Yay.