Wanting extra help because it's more than I can handle

i posted about my T and his sexy lady pics on Pinterest. We talked about it--he was shaking saying he was mortified. I was raising my voice. Ugh. Then I said I just wanted to get past it.

Anyway he said I can't email him anymore because I started wanting responses and he says that just works out badly. So now I feel overwhelmed with no support when I need it. For example my mom died last May. My husband died last October. I cry a lot. My son has bipolar and had to go to the hospital about three months ago. He lost his therapist. Wè lost our older dog (had to be put down). My son this week has been manic and up all night two times. All his books are on his floor. Things keep happening. I feel like I need some kind of support when it gets crazy like this but how!? I talk to a friend but I guess I feel like I need my T but I really can't. I feel hurt. I know I can't always have extra help but sometimes it's all just too much. How am I supposed to get hrlp!?

Could talking to a crisis line be of any help, or even PM'ing someone on here? A therapist change might also be worth looking into. You may like your T as a T, but maybe you need what he can't provide, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Could you schedule more appointments for awhile?

I hope this doesn't come across as unsupportive, that is not my intention but it seems the issue of lack of support from this T is a recurrent thing? Unless I am mistaken, I think you’ve been having issues with him for quite a while –i.e. not supporting you through your grief, lack of sympathy... lately with his public page objectifying women which further affected you. And now you mention again not being able to get the support you need.

Would you not consider shopping around for another T? You really need someone who will be there for you and offer you consistent support and understanding. I am just concerned as you seem to be shouldering *a lot* of stuff – on your own - and, despite having a T, don’t seem to be getting the care/comfort you need and deserve.. Would this be something you might consider at all?

How did finding these pictures make you feel about him? Are you worried that he has anterior motives? Does it put him in a sexual light in your mind and that makes you feel uncomfortable? Was it the fact that he looked at this pictures or the fact that you were able to find them that bothered you?

My T is female. If I found a pin interest full of pictures of shirtless men, I would be concerned that she doesn't know how easy it is to find that stuff. I'd tell her i found it and I was concerned that it is a little more public than she might have intended, but it wouldn't disturb me. However, if she were a man looking at pictures of women, I'd be more uncomfortable because I'd worry he'd look at me the same way which could cause him to potentially harm me (the frayed emotional logic in my mind). Is that part of the problem? What exactly about this left you feeling hurt? I think if you can identify clearly what hurt, how it hurt, and why it hurt, you would have the building blocks for a really great session and maybe even rebuild your relationship with him stronger than ever if you don't feel like this was a deal breaker.

Wow that is a lot to experience within a year. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I cannot imagine how hard it must be and completely understand why you need the extra help and support. Could you at least tell your T about this? I would tell him exactly what you said here.

If he is not willing to show the extra support to get you through this, could you see a second therapist? Or even begin looking for a new therapist? Maybe the fit isn't good with your current T anymore...sometimes, in general, we outgrow people.

I also seem to remember that you said he was shockingly unsupportive in the wake of the deaths of your mom and then husband. Is that right? I also seem to remember that in the session after a death he told you never to text again. Does he push you away and set even more limits on you every time you really need him?

I think you're extremely brave for bringing that up with him.

Like I think I said when you initially posted about the Pinterest fiasco, to my mind the "objectifying women" issue is kind of a side thing. (It is the rare, rare man who doesn't ever look at porn and IMHO you can objectify someone as part of a sexual fantasy or consensual encounter without actually believing that they are an object or treating them as such outside of that context. It is not a priori degrading to women or men to have sexual fantasies about them and it is the rare sexual fantasy that is all about say, respect for a person's intellect and professional achievements, right?)

But therapists (and anyone who works with vulnerable people, really) need to take steps to ensure that their sexual fantasies and activities are not public information. That stuff as you sadly now know first hand, is totally inappropriate in a professional context and potentially triggering to clients.

I think the broader issue that seems to come up again and again is that your therapist does not appear to really appreciate his role in your life or those of his clients in general. In fact what the Pinterest fiasco signifies to me is that professionalism is not a vey high priority for him. A good therapist takes their job very, very seriously and knows how important they are to their clients and therefore feels that it is of supreme importance to support a client in crisis (eg someone who has suffered the death of a parent or spouse) and treats them with gentleness and respect and endeavours to be as available to them as possible while still maintaining professional boundaries.