[sweepy62]

I dont know if you remember, but many months ago, I developed a crush on my male ptsd group t, while I was with t2, and she called it transference. She yanked me out of group that week after I told her my feelings for him, although I told her, I never wanted the intimate part to occur.

My group t wanted to have a session with my old t and her, but then she changed her mind, saying it was not in my best interest.

For months the feelings subsided, but now, they are coming back. I see him every week, we say hello, he asks how I am. I have never crossed a boundary. The check in room, before I go into the waiting room is where he has his group.

Last Wednesday, he said hi, as usual, and I asked if I could ask him a question. He said, sure, but briefly and from a distance !!!!!!!! So I got extremely embarrassed, I told him that it was not necessary, that I never crossed any boundaries.

He said, he knew that, but he wanted to be professional. I said all I wanted was closure to this whole transference thing, but I just got it, thank you.

I told my t, she said it should have been dealt with a while ago, and she will take care of it, but now I hate the guy.

[HazelGirl]

That's so unfortunate and definitely NOT the way that should have been handled. So sorry!

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I told my t, she said it should have been dealt with a while ago, and she will take care of it, but now I hate the guy.

Well, the good news is you've solved the positive transference issue. Of course, now there's that negative thing . . .

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

That's so unfortunate and definitely NOT the way that should have been handled. So sorry!

I felt punished, like a little kid, rejected.

I just don't understand some therapists.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Well, the good news is you've solved the positive transference issue. Of course, now there's that negative thing . . .

Omg, yes you are right, its like a car, you fix one thing, and something else goes wrong lol.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I felt punished, like a little kid, rejected.

And that's definitely NOT how you should have felt. Everyone involved in that situation handled it terribly, from your former T, who should have encouraged you to talk about it rather than run away, to your group T, who should have treated you with respect.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

And that's definitely NOT how you should have felt. Everyone involved in that situation handled it terribly, from your former T, who should have encouraged you to talk about it rather than run away, to your group T, who should have treated you with respect.

I know, I remember you telling me that from the beginning.

The question now is, what can you do so that you don't get yourself bogged down in this again? Is this something you can say, "Well, screw him" and move on?

[CameraObscura]

Wow, he told you you could ask "briefly and from a distance"?

What an a**hole. I tried to think of a less rude word, but that's the most polite I've got.

I don't even understand how a t would think that was okay, considering you've never crossed a boundary.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

The question now is, what can you do so that you don't get yourself bogged down in this again? Is this something you can say, "Well, screw him" and move on?

I dont think thats the goal. The feelings may come up again with someone else. I choose B, what is behind these feelings?

[Outcast_of_RGaol]

That really blows on so many different levels and I'm so sorry that you're dealing with it.

I guess I could say a thousand different things on how inappropriately he handled that situation and the disappointment that you're left to deal with.

But the one thing that I see "good" in the whole thing is that you hate the guy now. I hope that you can take that one emotion and use it to put him behind you and move forward with your life.
Good riddance to him!

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

The question now is, what can you do so that you don't get yourself bogged down in this again? Is this something you can say, "Well, screw him" and move on?

Yes, im going to see how I feel about this after this week, being that I dont see her this week, if its still bothers me, an it outweighs, other pressing issues I know needs processing, then I will mention it to my t.

Otherwise I will just save it for another session, or if there is time, I will mention, it, he thought it was professional to speak to me this way, when there were no boundaries ever crossed whatsoever. He didnt even know I had a crush on him, until my old t mentioned it to him.

His behavior I found was uncalled for.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Last Wednesday, he said hi, as usual, and I asked if I could ask him a question. He said, sure, but briefly and from a distance !!!!!!!! So I got extremely embarrassed, I told him that it was not necessary, that I never crossed any boundaries.

He said, he knew that, but he wanted to be professional. I said all I wanted was closure to this whole transference thing, but I just got it, thank you.

Sweepy -

Do you mean that he could only talk to you from a far physical distance? Instead of say, sitting down in his office for a minute? Then you said it wasn't necessary to talk from a distance?

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by skies

Sweepy -

Do you mean that he could only talk to you from a far physical distance? Instead of say, sitting down in his office for a minute? Then you said it wasn't necessary to talk from a distance?

Not even allowed in his office, I spoke to him from outside his group room. Like I said the guy did not even know I had a crush on him, throughout ptsd group, I kept my feelings to myself until I couldnt, take It any more and told old t, the only thing I ever told him in group was that I liked him, as a therapist, I laughed at all his jokes, thats as far as it went, he gave me a hug at the end of session one rough day,

Not even allowed in his office, I spoke to him from outside his group room.... He said, sure, but briefly and from a distance !!!!!!!! So I got extremely embarrassed, I told him that it was not necessary, that I never crossed any boundaries.

...He said, he knew that, but he wanted to be professional.

Unbelievable. Even IF you crossed boundaries before, his behavior is still totally unacceptable. This made me so angry to read. I am so sorry you had to go through this. What kind of therapist rejects a person's feelings??? He is an idiot!!!!!!!!!!

but he wanted to be professional.

THAT was professional???

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by skies

Unbelievable. Even IF you crossed boundaries before, his behavior is still totally unacceptable. This made me so angry to read. I am so sorry you had to go through this. What kind of therapist rejects a person's feelings??? He is an idiot!!!!!!!!!!



THAT was professional???

My old t explained to him, after she pulled me out of his group, because, he didnt even know why I was pulled out until after the following week, that transference, would interfere with the csa work she was doing with me, thats when his attitude went downhill, with me and played the stay the distance with me.

[growlycat]

Really badly handled by all T's involved!! Just because we have feelings for T doesn't mean we will pounce like an animal in heat. I'd be insulted too!!

[sweepy62]

Thanks Growlycat I agree, I do feel insulted I do believe that some therapists do not know how to deal with transference , I will be sure not to ever mention any feelings like that again. As for now I don't have any.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk