I offered T flowers today but she declined politely. I gave them to my partner instead, which i don't consider re-gifting, even though it technically is.

I am not in love with T really, but sometimes I feel strongly.

Any similar experiences?

[AllyIsHopeful]

Sorry she rejected them. I have wondered what would happen if I wanted to give my T a gift. I guess her reaction would be dependent on what the gift consisted of. What I have given her in the past has been anonymous.

[AmysJourney]

I too am sorry she rejected the flowers. I would have thought flowers are a gift that would be ok to give and to receive without putting more meaning into it than necessary. Did she talk about why she rejected them with you? Did it hurt your feelings when she rejected them?

[granite1]

I have given my T cards that I have made .she had always accepted them. then one day I gave her a card that said I was sorry for some way I behaved or something like that and she would not accept it and I was devastated so I decided that it was not a good idea to give her anything and to put her in t he position to have to hurt me. I guess it was kind of a selfish thing but it hurt to have it rejected

im sorry that happened .I think sometimes T's read way more into a gift then is needed

[Centered Soul]

Giving a gift, whether it's flowers or a card, is a universal way to express gratitude and appreciation. Appropriate gifts in therapy are ethical and enhance authentic therapeutic relationships. When a therapist rejects a clients gift it's perceived as personal rejection and an insult, possibly harming the therapeutic relationship.

I'm sorry your therapist rejected your very kind and thoughtful gift.

[brillskep]

I'm sorry she rejected your flowers. Hopefully she had a good well thought out reason to do so. Flowers seem harmless enough, really. Is she a psychoanalyst? That might explain it. Fortunately for me, my therapist has accepted all my gifts (he actually seems pretty happy about them) and they were more than just flowers (it's considered rude to give flowers to men where I live). I'm glad you found someone to give your flowers too and hope that felt nice even though it started with your therapist refusing them.

[Leah123]

I don't know: I've always considered flowers a romantic gift. I've only given them to people I've dated, aside, occasionally, from flowers on Mother's Day or a few other limited circumstances. I can see how they'd be a cross-purpose gift but considering the potential for interpretation as a romantic gesture and also that a ton of ts have no-gift policies, I hope you won't take it too hard. It would sting for me too, of course. Maybe something you can bring up in session next time and resolve.

[HazelGirl]

Flowers have huge meanings. That's not something a T would accept without extensive discussion as to why and what you hoped to accomplish. The fact that it hurt so much to have it rejected makes me think she might have made the right choice (because it obviously meant A LOT to you).

[teamcure]

I emailed my T if I could give her something from my hometown where I was visiting. She said to bring it and that we will discuss it in therapy. I decided to bring it, it was some baked goods I picked up. After a bit of discussion, and maybe she thought that I gave it to everybody I know, she accepted it.

[Mike_J]

I brought fresh flowers for my therapist's office, so it wasn't exactly a gift to her. It was more to brighten things up in her office for the first day of spring.

I'm sure if I would have positioned them as a gift for her the special meaning that is usually attached to giving someone flowers she would have done the same thing your therapist did.

Don't feel too bad, they say it's the thought that counts, and you did get to express your appreciation

[Ambra]

Sorry about that! Maybe it's because of the kind of gift which could be seen as a romantic gift too (I don't know, just guessing). I gave something to my T once and she wanted to keep it, but only because it was made by me and therapy-related. I know how it feels anyway - happened to me several times with other key figures in my life.

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[nicoleflynn]

I don't think that was necessary....sometimes these rules/regulations go too far and harm the client. I have given gifts to my t (one of them was a motorcycle ride)...long story.

[Bill3]

I think that flowers can have romantic overtones and this could well be why she declined them. She could also have decided that they were too expensive to be an appropriate gift. I hope that you were able to talk with her about the gift and her decision to decline. If not, perhaps you still could.

[LifeIsCruel]

I gift my therapist each visit!!!

It is included in their hourly rate.

[scorpiosis37]

If I remember correctly, you've expressed having erotic transference for your T. From her perspective, it would probably feel inappropriate for her as a female T to accept flowers from a male client who has ET. The gesture would be read as erotic, and she would probably feel that accepting the flowers would encourage your transference.

While the situation isn't exactly the same, I'm a professor and I have to be careful about the kinds of gifts I accept from my students (and the meaning behind them). I've drawn my own boundaries which are to accept cards and baked goods, but not flowers or items of material value or anything that appears to be a "romantic" gesture.

[Raging Quiet]

From my experience, if you are a female client seeing a male t, or a male client seeing a female t, or an LGBT client seeing both sexes, they tend to really analyse the gift a lot more than is needed.

[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by LifeIsCruel

I gift my therapist each visit!!!

It is included in their hourly rate.

What kinds of gifts?

[CantExplain]

Even Madame T never refused flowers. I'm sorry your T is so inflexible.

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Even Madame T never refused flowers. I'm sorry your T is so inflexible.

I don't know that I would say a T is being "inflexible" if she reinforces reasonable boundaries in an effort to best help her clients. For example, if a client has ET, by refusing to accept a "romantic" gift, she is refusing to enable the transference. It seems that, in that situation, she is actually helping the client even if it hurts in the short run.

Of course, there are times when a T could be inflexible. For example, if a T refused to accept a hand-made "thank-you" card because she has a strict no-gifts policy, that would seem to be overkill.

[CantExplain]

I didn't think a therapist would discourage transference.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I didn't think a therapist would discourage transference.

Erotic transference might be analyzed, discussed, etc., but not encouraged by a therapist. That is why they can't accept gifts that could be interpreted as romantic in nature, which flowers usually are.

Thank you for your responses.

Yes, she is very inflexible, almost robotic. But I enjoy the structure, and it allows me to feel that I am not talking to a person, and this helps me reveal everything to her.

I am not hurt over the flowers, just a little embarrassed. She explained that she has a policy where she does not receive gifts, but she acknowledged the message it sends her and we discussed how the flowers would best be used, and then segued into a conversation about my relationship with my partner.

[feralkittymom]

Is this the same T that you posted about how you were upset that she kept touching you and complimenting you on how you looked?

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Is this the same T that you posted about how you were upset that she kept touching you and complimenting you on how you looked?

No, that was rehab T.

I offered the flowers to Main T, who is a psychoanalyst.