Amy's Daily Journey

Jun 05, 2014, 07:16 AM

Thinking of you, Amy. How are you?

Kacey2 · Jun 11, 2014, 02:53 PM

Amy if you are reading this could you please let us know how you are doing. I am starting to really worry. If anyone knows about Amy could you please share?

sweepy62 · Jun 11, 2014, 03:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kacey2

Amy if you are reading this could you please let us know how you are doing. I am starting to really worry. If anyone knows about Amy could you please share?

I will let you know as soon as i know ok, I havent heard since last week.

Yearning0723 · Jun 11, 2014, 05:32 PM

I am with Amelia again now and she's hanging in there. Some days are better than others, but she is a fighter. She also has lots of chocolate, English breakfast tea, and Netflix, which is always a plus.

She will try to be online in the next day or so. She sends her love to you all.

Bentay · Jun 11, 2014, 08:32 PM

So pleased to hear Amelia is hanging in there. I've been thinking about her as I'm sure many others have. Lots of love to her and thank you for taking the time to update us x

AustenFan · Jun 11, 2014, 10:05 PM

Love and hugs, Amelia. I miss you tons.

Aloneandafraid · Jun 12, 2014, 07:18 AM

Sending love and hugs to you both. Thinking of you. Much love xxxx

AmysJourney · 07:50 AM

Hello everyone!!

Well it has been a while since I was here. Mostly I have very low energy and don't feel like doing very much. It has been an eventful few weeks, a lot I would love to share with you and I hope I will find enough energy perhaps later today or tomorrow to write more.
I found the courage to ask for more help from my doctor so I have been able to get some treatments that I thought were not available for me any more and that has helped with a lot of things and helps me fight and even extends my life. I have better pain management now and a more structured care system.

It took quite a big wake up call to get to this stage and it was very painful but it helped me be more honest with myself and my situation. So I have good days and really really bad ones. On those days I wish I had more control over this and make my own decision when it's too much. But then again I realize that I also have this very strong will to live. That seems to be more powerful than everything. And having people here who I love very much was a huge boost as well.

I miss you all and I will try to be back very soon.

Much love,
Amelia

PS: I have to send a special *thank you* to Blur. You have saved me more than once. Thank you for never giving up on me.

AustenFan · Jun 12, 2014, 07:44 AM

Amy~
I am SO glad to hear all of this. I'm glad you're having good days and that you've gotten better help. You don't know me and I'm new (actually I'm a long time lurker who joined for the sole purpose of being able to respond to your posts but I waited too long and you stopped posting just when I joined) but you have truly touched me. You've always written with such love and clarity and understanding. You were criticized in the beginning because I think people didn't believe there could exist someone as kind and caring and accepting as you. Thank you for sticking it out and proving you are genuine and true. You have made this forum a better place and touched many more people than just myself.

I said once before that I really hope you make plans for someone to publish your book, and that you will get word to us. A title or your author name so we could keep an eye out for it would be great! What a lasting legacy it would be. Your voice is special and needs to be heard.

Take care, sweetheart. Keep fighting and keep letting people love and help you. It's a blessing to them, I'm sure, to be given the honor and privilege of loving and helping you. :-)

AmysJourney · Jun 12, 2014, 07:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AustenFan

Amy~
I am SO glad to hear all of this. I'm glad you're having good days and that you've gotten better help. You don't know me and I'm new (actually I'm a long time lurker who joined for the sole purpose of being able to respond to your posts but I waited too long and you stopped posting just when I joined) but you have truly touched me. You've always written with such love and clarity and understanding. You were criticized in the beginning because I think people didn't believe there could exist someone as kind and caring and accepting as you. Thank you for sticking it out and proving you are genuine and true. You have made this forum a better place and touched many more people than just myself.

I said once before that I really hope you make plans for someone to publish your book, and that you will get word to us. A title or your author name so we could keep an eye out for it would be great! What a lasting legacy it would be. Your voice is special and needs to be heard.

Take care, sweetheart. Keep fighting and keep letting people love and help you. It's a blessing to them, I'm sure, to be given the honor and privilege of loving and helping you. :-)

Wow, thank you for such a loving response. It makes my heart feel better this morning to read your words.
Thank you for following my story and being there for me and for sticking it out when I didn't post. I will try to be here a little more often but if I am not here, know that you are in my heart.

Thanks again, you made me smile!

Amelia

peaches100 · Jun 12, 2014, 08:10 AM

Hi Amy,

I was THRILLED to hear from you again!

I am very happy that you are getting some additional support from your doctor that will help you cope better and possibly extend your life also! I appreciate you coming here to let us know what's going on for you. I'm sorry to hear how worn out and tired you feel, but it's totally understandable. Yes, you have that strong will to live! I love reading what you write.

Hugs,
Peaches

taylor43 · Jun 12, 2014, 08:41 AM

Hi Amy, it is so good to hear from you! Every day im praying for your recovery. I am glad you are still having good days and the doctors are still able to help you. Please know you are in my prayers always! Love and Hugs!

SeekerOfLife · Jun 12, 2014, 08:50 AM

Hi Amelia. So glad to know you are feeling a little better and getting extra help.

Hugs to you!

Sorry, I am not good with words. May God bless you with His best.

Lauliza · Jun 12, 2014, 09:26 AM

Hi Amy,

So glad to hear from you, and glad you're asking for and getting the help you need!

brillskep · Jun 12, 2014, 09:43 AM

Amelia, I am really glad to hear from you and to know you've got more care and support, that's good news. I hope the good days are more than the bad and that you enjoy each and every good moment you have. I admire your will to live. Hugs.

coolibrarian · Jun 12, 2014, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmysJourney

Hello everyone!!

Well it has been a while since I was here. Mostly I have very low energy and don't feel like doing very much. It has been an eventful few weeks, a lot I would love to share with you and I hope I will find enough energy perhaps later today or tomorrow to write more.
I found the courage to ask for more help from my doctor so I have been able to get some treatments that I thought were not available for me any more and that has helped with a lot of things and helps me fight and even extends my life. I have better pain management now and a more structured care system.

It took quite a big wake up call to get to this stage and it was very painful but it helped me be more honest with myself and my situation. So I have good days and really really bad ones. On those days I wish I had more control over this and make my own decision when it's too much. But then again I realize that I also have this very strong will to live. That seems to be more powerful than everything. And having people here who I love very much was a huge boost as well.

I miss you all and I will try to be back very soon.

Much love,
Amelia

PS: I have to send a special *thank you* to Blur. You have saved me more than once. Thank you for never giving up on me.

Amy,
I am SO HAPPY you felt well enough to send a message to us. I understand that some days are harder for you than others. So, do what's right for you.

Much love and gentle hugs!

Aloneandafraid · Jun 12, 2014, 01:06 PM

Thank you so much for your post, Amelia. It was so good to hear from you. Sending you much love and gentle hugs. So pleased to hear you have received some additional meds and good care. You are so very special. Thank you again for taking the time and finding the energy to post. It is very much appreciated. Love always. Xx

blur · Jun 12, 2014, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmysJourney

PS: I have to send a special *thank you* to Blur. You have saved me more than once. Thank you for never giving up on me.

you are so very welcome! i love you lovely lady. you sound amazing by the way. i can barely form a coherent thought let alone write when i'm not feeling well. you are an inspiration as always!

Fuzzybear · Jun 13, 2014, 01:17 PM

Dear Amy,
I send you love and gentle hugs

God bless you

rainbow8 · Jun 13, 2014, 04:48 PM

It was wonderful to hear from you and to know that you're getting more helpful treatment.

I'm glad you have the will to live, and I hope you have more good days than bad ones. Sending you lots of love and hugs!

rainbow

Jun 19, 2014, 04:19 PM

Thinking of you today and sending positive vibes

precaryous · Jun 29, 2014, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AmysJourney

"Day #22

Hello everyone,

today started out VERY good! I received a care package with all the necessary things to make me happy from a very special PC member (I love you very much! And Thank you!!):

I had a restless night, struggling with the repercussions of yesterday, so receiving this special gift magically put a smile on my face and my stomach. (Oh yes, my stomach surely can smile!)
It made me go all fuzzy and warm inside and I realized once again, how wonderful people can be and that there is so much compassion out there, when we open ourselves to the possibility.
For a long time in my life I would have given everything to bee seen, heard, valued, loved. And in fact, I tried everything to get all that. I craved for love and attention and I was confused why people left me rather than stay with me.
I learned that the more I try to force closeness, attention, love and care - the more people around me would withdraw. I suffocated them with my neediness. I pushed them away with my disappointment when they didn't give me what I wanted or needed.

It was incredibly painful, incredibly frustrating and incredibly lonely. And there seemed to be no way out, because I couldn't control my needs, right? I had a right to my needs, right? I deserved to have my needs fulfilled, right?

No, I was so badly wrong with all that and on all levels. The only thing that was true and valid was, that I had the needs and desires. Everything else was assumption, force, faulty thinking and misguided emotions.

I had to learn to let people be, make their own decisions how much time they want to spend with me, how much they were able and willing to invest in me. I had to learn to accept that I am not the center of the universe, that other people struggle too, that people have limits. I had to accept that not everyone will love me, even if I tried to be the most lovable person. I had to accept that some people may dislike me even..(Oh what a hard lesson that was when I struggled so much with not being loved in the first place!) I had to accept that I couldn't expect people to give me what I needed or wanted.

When I made that step back though, when I accepted my neediness but rejected the expectation, the sense of entitlement - that's when things started to change for me. I was still needy but somehow these needs got filled without even trying. People started to feel drawn to me instead of feeling the need to withdraw. It was like a magnet that pulled me towards certain people and that pulled them towards me. I met people who loved me, took care of me, respected me, valued me, appreciated me. And without having to put too much effort into it.
For me, it really was true that when I let go of the expectation, I received more than I had dreamed about.

And well, I will be honest. I still need things, I still want to be heard and seen and loved and cared for and valued. But today I know that I can reach out to people and tell them how I feel and they will be right by my side. And I know I will be exactly that for them as well.
The PC member who sent me chocolate today is such a wonderful person, with a huge and beautiful heart. She makes me smile EVERY single day without even trying. I feel drawn to her and she feels drawn to me, and the friendship, although very young, is so very precious to me. And it just happened because I opened myself up to the possibility. And thank God I did, I wouldn't laugh half as much without her right now!

And all you people here on PC who send me messages when you're worried, or when you are happy, when you feel you want to talk or just send love - that is so very very precious to me. I feel honored that some people ask me for advice, even though my advice might sometimes be everything else but right, haha. I feel valued and cared for when you ask me how I am doing. I feel very privileged when you tell me about your life.

When I get a text message from sweepy for example, my heart feels all happy and warm..
I feel very blessed to have you all in my life and will keep you in mine as long as I can.

With love,
A"

I have been thinking of you, Amelia.

iheartjacques · Jun 30, 2014, 08:06 AM

How are you? I check this everyday to see how you are. I dread the day I'll see a post to say you've gone, but we have to let you go. I hope you are free of pain. You have left a legacy of love here that I can see.

iheartjacques · Jul 15, 2014, 06:53 AM

Hello??

sweepy62 · Jul 21, 2014, 08:49 PM

spoke to amy today, wanted to let everyone know, that she is as well as to be expected, and sends everyone her love.

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