[Yearning0723]

I had my session with T today, and all was well, as predicted. The email was fine - she was happy I'd been able to be so vulnerable, and she was glad to have all the information I'd shared since it helped her understand me better, and she said it really reinforced how much I understand myself and how self-aware I am! She said her only concern was that since it was so vulnerable, she thought it was important for me to be able to see her reactions, so that maybe being that vulnerable in session is something we will work on.

But she understood why I sent it, and she wasn't upset at all, and she appreciated the information. I told her I might have been testing her a little, to test her response or to test the therapeutic relationship or even just to reassure myself that sending her emails really is okay and she's not going anywhere...she understood that, and she said it was fine.

We talked a lot about old T today, and how much I miss her, but how I'm also ambivalent because of how unimportant I was to her. But I told her about how I'd internalized old T's voice for awhile and how it made me really sad that I'd started to forget little things she did, her mannerisms, the inflection of her voice. And I know I did the right thing by leaving her, but at the same time, she's just a person. A person who I occasionally saw doing really human things and who I know tried her best for me, and whom I am fond of. T said that it makes sense that I would feel that connection to her, since she was helpful to me and since I did share so much with her.

I told her that old T said I could write her an email, but that she wouldn't respond back, and I wanted to write her something just to tell her how important she was to me and how much of a difference she'd made to me, on the off chance that doing so might make her even a little bit happy, but at the same time, not getting a response would make me crazy, and I don't think there's anything I can do in the world to make old T happy - I just don't matter that much to her, and she always saw any comment on our relationship as a reflection on me rather than an interpersonal thing, so I don't think it would matter to her.

T said it probably would matter to her, because Ts go into the business because they want to help people, and if it didn't mean anything to her, that's her own issue and not mine. She thought it was really sweet that I wanted to send old T something, and she said it was even okay to hold out a little bit of hope for a response as long as I don't expect it of her. I said I would think about it, but I wasn't ready yet.

We also talked about emotions, and how sometimes I jump too quickly into coping skills instead of really feeling those emotions and letting them dissipate on their own - coping skills should be a last resort, not a first resort to use at the first sign of a negative feeling. We will probably start doing that work soon - getting comfortable with emotions instead of jumping straight into distraction/grounding tools/mindfulness, etc. since those things aren't really what I need right now.

It was a surprisingly calm session. I think this T is a winner. She is super expressive and empathetic and understanding and just what I need. And admits to caring about her clients!!! Without even any arm twisting.

[Asiablue]

She's a keeper! Even I learned something from her just by reading your post. I didn't know that coping skills are a last resort, not a first! oops. Thanks for sharing!

[nottrustin]

Sounds like you have found a great match for you.. I always try to remember when one door closes another one opens. Sounds like a better door opened for you.

[RTerroni]

Good to hear, I am starting to think that with my current Therapist, although I don't think that anyone will be able to match the Therapist who I saw for 4 years.

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

She's a keeper! Even I learned something from her just by reading your post. I didn't know that coping skills are a last resort, not a first! oops. Thanks for sharing!

Well, it makes sense, right? Step one is to feel the emotion; step two is to resolve the emotion if it won't resolve itself. Going straight to step two without step one is problematic.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

Well, it makes sense, right? Step one is to feel the emotion; step two is to resolve the emotion if it won't resolve itself. Going straight to step two without step one is problematic.

Yes, total sense now that I think about it. I just never saw it before.

[Wren_]

That's great things are working out with your new T, and that she read and appreciated what you shared by email Like Asiablue mentioned, I also learnt from what you shared regarding feeling the emotion first

[Favorite Jeans]

I dunno if this would make any difference to you but what about snail mail letter to old T? I have a much lower expectation of getting a response to snail mail whereas with email I really always expect some sort of acknowledgement for every communication.

She does sound like a winner. I'm happy for you. It sounds like all your effort and persistence really paid off!

[Depletion]

Yay I'm so glad the email worked out. (I knew it would )

I just love this:

Originally Posted by Yearning0723

.

We also talked about emotions, and how sometimes I jump too quickly into coping skills instead of really feeling those emotions and letting them dissipate on their own - coping skills should be a last resort, not a first resort to use at the first sign of a negative feeling. We will probably start doing that work soon - getting comfortable with emotions instead of jumping straight into distraction/grounding tools/mindfulness, etc. since those things aren't really what I need right now.

I've always been kind of suspicious of that kind of thing in therapy anyway. I often felt like when therapists said that I should meditate as a way of controlling my emotions that they were trying to suppress them. I don't respond well to that kind of thing (grrrr).

As far as emailing old T that's up to you. But I know if I emailed my last T that would make me crazy. But I got kind of obsessed with her towards the end. And I think the obsession triggered something for her, so I wouldn't want to cause her grief. Just do whatever is healthiest for you Yearnings. I know you'll get it figured out.

Oh and I agree with you T, I think you really are very self aware.

[Aloneandafraid]

Thanks for sharing. I've learnt a lot. It makes sense when you read something like this.

[Yearning0723]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I dunno if this would make any difference to you but what about snail mail letter to old T? I have a much lower expectation of getting a response to snail mail whereas with email I really always expect some sort of acknowledgement for every communication.

She does sound like a winner. I'm happy for you. It sounds like all your effort and persistence really paid off!

I was thinking of writing her an actual real letter (mostly because I have all this pretty linen paper I don't know what to do with!). She would probably appreciate the time/effort more...but I would probably still expect SOME acknowledgement at this point, or at least hope for it, even just an email to say thanks for your letter like ED T sent me after I wrote her a letter. New T says it's okay to have hope; that's normal. I just think I'm not ready. And that's okay too.