I feel like I am doing it wrong

[This post is all over the place...]

Last summer I brought up the possibility of having Asperger's with my therapist, and she immediately offered to refer me somewhere to have an assessment. I wasn't sure that was what I wanted, I just wanted to know her opinion on the subject. She declined to give me one saying that she doesn't know much about it. Eventually I agreed, and went through that process.

[I feel like I keep telling this story over and over... Sorry]

So the result was that I most likely did, but he didn't want to say for sure, and suggested I see a psychiatrist for further testing. As soon as she got the report she was pushing me to see one. She also said that I shouldn't feel obligated to see her if I was seeing the psychiatrist. I knew she wasn't trying to get rid of me, but it really felt like it at the time. This was right before Christmas and I wasn't going to see her for a month and a bit. I emailed her and she said it was what she always said when she referred someone to see someone else. When I saw her after Christmas we discussed how I felt she was trying to get rid of me. I also asked her if I was doing everything right, but she didn't really answer that question.

I saw the psychiatrist, and she confirmed Asperger's. She was supposed to write a report, but it doesn't look like it was sent to my therapist, just my doctor. I need to see my doctor to find out. When I told her what the psychiatrist said, she wanted to refer me to a couples therapist. One session she recommended that I read a book that she had bought about Asperger's.

Today's session was weird. She started off by talking about the book she bought about Asperger's, and then how she paid for access to a presentation as well. Then she asked again about seeing the couples therapist and I agreed. We talked about a little bit of stuff from a list of things I want to discuss. And then she asked me if she could make an audio recording of the rest of the session for her supervisor. Apparently she needs to provide samples of her sessions. I agreed, but then she didn't seem like herself any more. She changed topics and started acting more professionally. I don't mean to imply she acts unprofessional at all, maybe it was like she was reading from a book.

So my mind keeps bouncing between she cares and buys things to find out more about me or that she doesn't know what to do with me. I'm wondering if the recording was so she could have an example of how I communicate when I talk to her. It's usually short sentences, with not much content, after a long pause while I try to turn my thoughts into words... I also feel like I was pressured into seeing this couples therapist.

I really feel like I am messing therapy up somehow, but I don't know how. Yes, I realize I probably am not messing up.

Therapy can be hard sometimes, and no one can know everything. You did the right thing by bringing up your concerns to your therapist. There isn't really a right or wrong thing to do in therapy, just different ways, so don't worry about that. Thinking is a big part of therapy and if you don't feel comfortable with the recording just ask if it can be turned off while talking about a more uncomfortable topic. I don't see why the voice recorder has to be on for more than 2 or 3 minutes.
I wish you all the best!

I think the fact that your t bought a book about Aspergers speaks volumes about how much she cares about you. Honestly, she did not have to do that. Many Ts do not have much experience with Aspergers clients, it is a disorder that is treated with very specific techniques. So your t might be a little worried that she's not gohbg to be helpful enough. But she got the book so to me it says she wants to do all she can.

Lauliza, I think you are correct that she doesn't think she is going to be helpful. Last summer I posted asking what to do if your therapist doesn't have the expertise to deal with your problem. I decided to stay with her because I like her and she was helping at the time. I was happy with how things were going then. Yesterday felt very wrong.

Couple of thoughts -
Some folks, when they know they're being recorded, tend to go in to "performance" mode, and just can't act naturally. It's possible that's what happened with your T.

It's possible that your T simply doesn't have much knowledge on Aspergers and is trying to find other resources to help you out. She's trying to educate herself, it sounds like, but it sounds like she's also giving you the option of deciding if you'd rather work with someone with more experience. It's the responsible thing for her to do.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong - it sounds like your T just may not be experienced enough in your issues.