So, it’s been about 9 months since I started seeing T for 50 minutes on a weekly basis. This equates to about 30 hours (!) of talking with T on an intimate level. I have a lot of transference with T, with intensity that varies depending on how therapy goes. Sometimes I think it's over, other times it comes back in full force. I think I’m pretty good at hiding it. Maybe too good because I think at times T wonders if he’s getting through to me. I can’t get into details without revealing too much, but I strongly suspect that T is trying to further encourage transference (as if what I naturally feel isn’t enough!). I’m not sure how common that is, but I feel like I’m being worked pretty heavy at times and it’s overwhelming. Those especially intense sessions create a lot of waves in the weeks between sessions.

Anyway, I’m not sure what kind of therapy I’m in. I think it’s psychodynamic psychotherapy since T offers it, but I can’t be sure. We haven’t had a conversation yet about our relationship, or what we think of each other. It seems like it’s becoming the elephant in the room. Do T’s typically initiate conversations around the relationship, transference, and so on? I may drop dead of T starts talking about it randomly one session, and I don’t think I’ll get the courage to bring it up myself any time soon.

How have your T’s addressed the relationship? Also, anybody else believe their T’s have heavily laid on the transference-causing trickery?

[AmysJourney]

My T is not "promoting" transference, but she works with it when clients experience it. I don't feel transference is much of a problem for me with her, I like her a lot but don't see her as a mother or have any romantic feelings for her whatsoever. We do talk about our relationship and she gently reminds me sometimes that I can really trust her. But when we talk about transference it's more about in the context of possibility but not an issue happening with us or one that needs to be addressed. She did however talk about the possibility of counter-transference with me once, early in the process, which I thought was important.

[HazelGirl]

Your transference feelings could cause you to interpret his actions as promoting it.

[stopdog]

I would imagine any transference I have is negative rather than positive. If the therapist wants to promote that I would be surprised.

[feralkittymom]

When Ts have a reason to suspect a transference positive to the work is happening, they usually observe it and may encourage it. It's not beginner therapist work--it takes a lot of skill. I don't really see it as "trickery," but rather a standard psychodynamic way to build the alliance and meet therapy goals. But Ts will not usually bring up the transference directly until well into the process. They refer to it as the transference "ripening," and it seems to very much be a judgement call on the part of the T to know when the best time is for an individual. For me, it was pretty late in the process. And it was coupled with my T frankly discussing his own counter transference.

I think the exceptions would be if the transference starts to turn negative, it may be necessary to bring it to light to avoid damage; and in the case of an erotic transference that becomes obsessive or acted out, in which case it undermines therapy goals and needs to be confronted to have a chance at salvaging the relationship.

That you feel like it comes and goes makes me suspect it may be your own feelings projected, as Hazel suggested. Or it may be that during those times, you're sensitive to it, and other times, you don't notice it. Trying to hide it isn't very effective with a perceptive, experienced T who's also working psychodynamically because they're on alert for it.

[Raging Quiet]

In psychodynamic therapy and any long therapy based on Freud, transference is the 'working healing tool' as part of the therapy.

[Restin]

Totally the Elephant in the Room!! I've been in psychodynamic therapy a year and Transference on my T is intense. But therapy is floundering because she never mentions feelings about her and has once explain that I need to be the good parent for my own Inner Child. Surely she knows about transference and the modern post-Freud way to treat it, but it never comes up.
The problem is about my inner child who forbids discussion of this for fear of being hurt. All my childhood, my relatives that raised me would yell at me "I'm not your !#&! mother!" It felt like a death sentence and I never got hardened to it. If T said that, I would just die on the spot!

So, I think I can bring this up with T by telling that story of what the relatives said to my inner child. It tells my feelings without directly relating to T, and then I will know what she thinks of me being dependent. Sneaky, yes, but I just have to know rather than go on with the open secret.

Maybe someone out there might find this inner child approach a way to get started, because you're not saying that You are scared, but the child in you is.

[lightcatcher]

Originally Posted by Clementine K

[SIZE=3]How have your T’s addressed the relationship? Also, anybody else believe their T’s have heavily laid on the transference-causing trickery?

I think my T probably knows of my transference of her as a parent figure. I think she might use this to her advantage - I'm ok with that. I know I struggle in trusting others, and letting people in and I think T is using transference to help that process. We've never talked about it but I think be both know it's there?
It's not making me feel overly uncomfortable ( the uncomfortableness is my own battle of not wanting to trust and let T in) and I think it will all be a positive.
But that's just my own thoughts on it

[someone321]

My T hasn't mentioned transference at all; however, she said at the beginning that she thinks that our "relation" will be very important and that probably it will be one of main topics in our sessions... Till now I cannot imagine transference with my T, as I will always see her as my T not as my mother/aunt or whoever else? At least that's what I'd expect... However, I've realized that I might have some transference with my boss, like I want to do everything great to make her proud etc. and we often exchange e-mails during the weekends, late evenings etc... I guess, that will be the topic in my next session, so I hope that my T won't be jealous

[RTerroni]

Well transference occurs in almost every Therapeutic relationship so why hide it.

[always_wondering]

I recently had a great session with my T. We were sitting there, with absolutely nothing to talk about, and I brought up, “So why am I sitting here? I’m happy, problems mostly solved.” So he brought up the transference thing. We have discussed this in the past, but this time, he was bringing it to the table.

Thanks to PsychCentral, and all of the other books and internet articles, I was able to say, “Ok, I know. I’m looking to you as my mother figure (even though he is male, weird). I get comfort and safety from you, and it is all encompassing. I am attached and ready to detach. Help me with this!” And he, of course said, this is normal and good, and he did not like the detach statement and this is where the conversation drifted off into something else entirely.

I must say this transference has been really difficult at times. It slowly crept up on me, then plagued me for a long period of time, and now I am settling and learning it’s not so bad. It’s nice to have someone there for me. This support helps me every day when I am feeling weak or scared, I can think about T and our discussions and I get comfort. When I’m really scared, I imagine him there next to me and I pull through.

I have grown a lot and learned to stick to the boundaries. At times, I wish I could call him or email him in between sessions, but I know it will screw up the chemistry of our relationship, so I find the strength to hold off and discuss my thoughts with my husband and friends. It’s not nearly the same, but helps.

The hard part is someday I will have to let go. I am a strong person, but I know the misery I will feel for a very long time when I do. I know he will not be my friend, and when we say our final goodbyes, it will be for good. And like so many others on this forum, I will not stop thinking about him for a VERY LONG TIME, so I hang on until he says it’s time to go. Ooohhh… I dread that day!