[HazelGirl]

Yesterday, I started a thread about transference and wanting my T to see me as sort of similar to her children.

I get that it's normal. But it's weird.

And I keep going through how I am supposed to tell her, and I have no idea. How can I word it to make sense and to be not extremely creepy and weird?

Can you just write down what you wrote here and hand it to her? That seems like it would be easier than talking about the erotic transference. There's an awkward conversation to start -- "so I was thinking about sex with you the other day and ..."

[HazelGirl]

Lol, it is definitely easier to talk about. Especially since I'm about the same age as her kids. But I guess my struggle is how to word it to make it clear exactly what I am thinking and feeling.

[HazelGirl]

I mean, I can't really say:

"I don't really do a good job of saying how much people mean to me. And I know you don't feel this way, and but I find it comforting to imagine you do. But I don't really expect you to. But I feel sometimes like I want you to see me as sort of similar to one of your kids...well, because your kids are sort of my age...and well, it's comforting. But I know it's weird. And so yeah..."

Not exactly the best way to say something like that.

That sounded fine to me, HG.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

That sounded fine to me, HG.

Oh no. I'm not sending THAT mess to her.

[HazelGirl]

Okay...this is what I want to send. Let me know if it makes sense.

I sometimes imagine that you care about me in a similar way to how you care about your kids, since they are about the same age. And I know you don't, and I don't really expect you to. I guess it's more of a comforting fantasy. I know it sounds weird, but I hope I am making sense. I don't do a good job of telling people that they mean something to me, or anything like that. But I don't want to be creepy or anything like that. I just find it a comforting thought and sometimes it helps me tell you things because I think maybe you would want to know about it.

I hope I'm making sense.

[coolibrarian]

This is fine. It tells her you are acknowledging that you are attached to her. I don't find it creepy at all. It's completely normal. AND, it is my firm belief and opinion that Ts DO care about us. The relationship in the therapy room IS a real relationship, although drastically different than our relationships with others, outside of therapy.

[HazelGirl]

I think that's what scares me, that she will know I feel like that. I don't think she will react badly to it or anything. I'm not scared of her. I'm scared that she will know.

[HazelGirl]

Ok...sent...let the freak out begin.

Hang in there, HG. When do you see her again?

You don't have to freak out. Go do something else. Get out of your head for awhile. Your T will respond in a thoughtful manner as she always does. In the meantime, go for a walk. Read a book. Watch a good movie.

[HazelGirl]

I see her on Monday. But we text all the time. So she will probably text back by the end of the day today.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

You don't have to freak out. Go do something else. Get out of your head for awhile. Your T will respond in a thoughtful manner as she always does. In the meantime, go for a walk. Read a book. Watch a good movie.

I'm at work. I have a million mindless tasks to do. Perfect for the ideal freak out!

[HazelGirl]

I may be resisting the urge to Google "How to not freak out when you've told your T something difficult and they haven't responded yet." Because that would make a very good article.

[precaryous]

HG, good for you!
I just was (carefully) talking to my T today about the same thing.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by precaryous

HG, good for you!
I just was (carefully) talking to my T today about the same thing.

I'm actually really surprised at how nervous I am. I didn't think it was a big deal until I said something, and now I realize it is a huge deal. Ugh.

[always_wondering]

I felt the same as you. I went in with notes and never pulled them out. I started telling T and he smiled (he knew) and finished for me. It was such a huge relief! Ever since then we bring it up periodically. It has made therapy sessions so much more productive. I hope it goes just as easy for you.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by always_wondering

I felt the same as you. I went in with notes and never pulled them out. I started telling T and he smiled (he knew) and finished for me. It was such a huge relief! Ever since then we bring it up periodically. It has made therapy sessions so much more productive. I hope it goes just as easy for you.

I don't doubt that she already knows. I just haven't said it yet. And I didn't even tell her all of it, just part of it. I didn't tell her about wanting to curl up next to her and let her stroke my hair, or wanting to cling to her like a toddler. Or any of the other maternal transference stuff. But I doubt she would be surprised about any of it.

[precaryous]

I have been so afraid of doing therapy "wrong" ..or rejection. You too?

[coolibrarian]

She probably knows already.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I have been so afraid of doing therapy "wrong" ..or rejection. You too?

Yes, definitely of rejection. I know why, and we have talked many times about my fears of rejection and abandonment. But it doesn't make those fears go away.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

She probably knows already.

Yes, I'm sure she does. She knows a lot of things about me that I don't even know. I wonder sometimes what exactly she knows that I haven't said because so often I say something that feels like a bombshell in my mind and she says something like she already knows about it. It makes me nervous and frustrated because even when I think I'm keeping something from her...I'm really not.

[liveinspired]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Yes, I'm sure she does. She knows a lot of things about me that I don't even know. I wonder sometimes what exactly she knows that I haven't said because so often I say something that feels like a bombshell in my mind and she says something like she already knows about it. It makes me nervous and frustrated because even when I think I'm keeping something from her...I'm really not.

I would have to agree with this.

My T confessed yesterday that she knows things already that I am not already aware of or have just not spoken up about yet.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by liveinspired

I would have to agree with this.

My T confessed yesterday that she knows things already that I am not already aware of or have just not spoken up about yet.

It makes me so nervous! I try to be in control of my relationships and how much people know about me, and I can't be with her. I'm always playing catch up with her knowledge of me...shouldn't it be the other way around?!?