How do I tell my T this?

She hasn't responded yet! Ugh! I want to scream!

It's been almost 6 hours...still nothing...I am starting to just relax and accept the wait, which is nice.

(((((Hazelgirl))))) what you told her was great I hope you hear back soon

7 hours...this is taking forever. I know I might not hear back until 9 PM (at the latest), but still...it makes me wonder if maybe she didn't get my text or if I didn't get her response. Either one is a nightmare in my mind.

She finally responded.

And said probably the last thing I ever expected her to say.

She said she actually does see me like a daughter, similar to how she sees her children. And I am sort of shocked. Is that even allowed? (As if you can control how you feel about someone.)

I'm sort of a crying mess at the moment. I don't know what to do with that.

Glad for you...

I don't know what to think.

I'm not unhappy or upset. But I am scared, I guess. Because these relationships always seem to end badly for me. And yet, I want nothing more than to give her a really big hug and never let go. I am really shocked.

I think she opened up as much as you did here. No?
You took the opportunity to let yourself be vulnerable and seen and she did exactly the same by telling this to you. I think it's a big deal. She seems to care a lot about you. And maybe yes, it's a bit tough at the same time when you have bad experiences with close relationships, but she gives you the perfect opportunity to experiment with it now, I believe.

So pleased for you - this is a lovely response. She is a wonderful T. Let it work for you. xx

You're definitely right. I don't think it's bad. It's just scary. It was safer when it was just a fantasy. It's much more scary when it's reality.

wow, that is a lovely thing for her to say. I don't think it's unusual for therapists to feel that way for some clients. Maternal transference works two ways Congratulations on finding a lovely relationship.

I think what freaks me out most is that I didn't do anything to cause her to feel this way. In fact, I have spent so much time terrified that I am just one step away from causing her to totally hate me and get too annoyed at me to stand it. And because I didn't do anything to cause those feelings, I'm not in control of them. And if I'm not in control of them, she could change her mind whenever she wanted and get rid of me. It's a choice on her part, and I don't know how to guarantee she chooses to continue to think positively towards me.

u sound like u have a good, caring T. that's what all of us here deserve.

Don't send it, say it! You don't know how to tell her so it has to sound like that; a pretty picture all written out in perfect script, no blots :-) does not convey your vulnerability that the "mess" does. It is a feeling many get and Ts deal with all the time I gather. I was too scared to say it so my T said it for me (to my horror and vague denials :-) She just came out and said how she knew I wanted to come live with her, LOL.

I already sent her a revised message. The rest of the thread talks about that.

No one is in control of another person's feelings. You never have been; you never will be. You cannot guarantee anyone thinks or feels anything toward you. Might as well let that "delusion" go. Your job is simply to take care of you. Do the work. Be honest. Work on moving yourself forward. Trust her support. Let go of your need to control anyone but yourself.

That's really nice in theory. But it's not something I consciously choose. I don't know how to interact with people outside of watching them and trying to be what they want. I don't know anything else, because I grew up in a situation where I had to do that in order to survive. I don't know how to be in any other kind of relationship. My relationship-o-meter is broken.

One thing I would like to add: Never apologize for your feelings. They are all real.
There are no guarantees in life....as sierra said.......Be yourself, do the work and be honest
Don't be ashamed of your feelings; they are all you have to tell you what is going on inside.

You have to start somewhere HG, and this is something that constantly distresses you. Does your T ever talk to you about mistaken beliefs -- beliefs about life that developed usually in childhood that really aren't true and that we've carried with us into adulthood? This is a big one for you and it colors your thinking, causes you anxiety, and keeps you stuck. I'm guessing you two have talked about this need to please thing you have going. That's what you are dealing with there, an old mistaken belief. It will take time, but you'll get there.

Yes, we've talked about all of this ad nauseum. I know it always distresses me. I know it's a major problem. I know I have mistaken beliefs about myself and others. But it is so overwhelmingly scary to face these and deal with them.

Thanks for posting HG. My mom was emotionally distant and not nurturing when I was growing up. I just got the nerve to tell my T. yesterday that I probably view her more as a friend than a T and we text back and forth. I asked her about boundaries and she said I'm one of the few clients she texts with. Unfortunately, now that it's out in the open I don't feel much better. I think I've come to realize that she has said/done things that I wish my own mother had said. Because of that, I'm more attached than I've been in the past and don't really like it. LOL I don't want to think about her in between sessions but I do.

I don't think that's a bad thing. It sounds like she is there for you in ways your mother never was, and so it's uncomfortable, but maybe if you talked to her, you would find some sort of closure or healing from the things your mother didn't give you.