[Virginia1991]

I began therapy in July because I felt like I needed help ending communication with my mom as well as anxiety issues. Now here I sit neck deep in transference(shocker, right?). My mom was cold, distant, unapproachable and abandoned me repeatedly. She also did not give or allow nurturing touch. The therapeutic relationship is so painful because it reminds me so much of the relationship with my mom. I'm not saying she is like my mom----thankfully she is the opposite but the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship is and that makes my heart hurt. My therapist is wonderful. She is consistent, caring, and a good listener. She also allows hugs and texts/emails in between sessions(2 things that really mean a lot to me). When I was growing up, I longed for and needed love from my mother but all I got was a "tease" of it. In therapy, I see her once a week for an hour and again it just feels like a "tease" of what I need. It is like therapy has awoken a sleeping giant of my unmet needs. As much as I want to put her in my pocket and have her "be there" for me all the time, she can't and won't be. I am insightful and know why this is happening but that doesn't make it any less painful. Why put myself through this? This has become 10x more painful than the original reasons why I started therapy 10 months ago. Therapy in itself makes me feel the intense feeling of "wanting so badly what I never got while growing up". My therapist can fulfill some of those needs but not the big ones. I just think I rather bury those wounds back up instead of having them exposed wide open week after week. Here is my question: knowing all this...... Do you think it is best to end therapy if transference is causing you so much pain? Would you (even when you are very attached to your therapist)?

I would not have stopped seeing my T because, as painful as it was, some of my needs were met there. Having some of your needs met is better than nothing. jmo

[HazelGirl]

It's actually important to face those needs and grieve that they were never and can never be filled. I know it's painful and so much easier to stuff it away. But it will interfere with your relationships in the future (even in only subtle ways) if you don't work to resolve it. Grieving it will allow you to eventually let it go. And it's okay to be sad, and to tell your T all of this if you haven't already.

[JustShakey]

Ending it is not the answer, not only will your issues remain unresolved, but the pain will not just go away that easily. Cat's out of the bag, so to speak.
Therapy with previous T was time limited, and that forced and premature ending was and remains one of the most painful things I have to deal with.

[Virginia1991]

I have my post written about in my journal. I might just show her my journal entry. What do I have to lose? Just let her decide if continuing therapy is a good idea. If she wants to terminate me then it means she probably isn't comfortable with transference (cbt therapist) so it would probably be in my best interest anyway.

[Perna]

As my stepmother use to say (and she was 70% of the reason I was in therapy), "What else are you doing?" My experience is that it is all painful but eventually works whereas what I was doing before did not work for me.