[lenjan]

A big, fat, hairy-beary GROWL.

I'm pissed off that I didn't even manage 3/4 of a year without having to run back to therapy. I miss my old T, who was truly a gift from God. I've had 2 hours with this woman and I still really have no idea what I think of her -- she's not especially warm and fuzzy, and she's not exactly cold and clinical, and she tends to have a weird sense of humor (things will make her laugh that make me just shake my head and wonder WTF is funny about it), and I just don't know yet.

What I do know is, in my business, I deal with incivility and rudeness on a daily basis. The one place you should always be able to feel supported and liked is in a T's office, for god's sake!

I can put up with a lot from people, but I'm sorry, there is *NO* *EXCUSE* for answering the phone in the middle of a therapy session. Absolutely zero. I am paying her my hard-earned cash to pay attention to ME for an hour. You let the phone RING. She has voicemail, I'm sure.

OOOOOOH, that had me steaming!! As far as I could tell, it wasn't another client, just some sort of business matter, which she easily could have attended to at some other time.

What do you think -- one more chance, or kick her to the curb?

<GROWL>

CB

[pegasus]

Kick her to the curb honey!

If the feeling is bad from the beginning, that is not a good sign.

Think about what it was you liked in your previous T and look for a T with that quality.

Sorry you were treated like that!

Take care.

[nothemama8]

well you could look at it like , heck this broad needs some education and I'll be the teacher, then explain to her what you expect from her as a T, if she gets upset tell her hey who's paying who, respect me and do your job

[lenjan]

Angie, one of my biggest issues is learning how to stand up for myself. If I have what I think might be a good idea, or if what you want to do is the polar opposite of what I want to do, you know what? You'll never know, because I'm going to do whatever you suggest so I don't rock the boat.

Not a chance I'm going to tell her that pissed me off, even if I am paying her! If I could do that, I wouldn't need a T in the first place.

[nothemama8]

girl I need to get you here for one week , been there done that, don't know when I changed my old ways , but know I control what providers do for me, it takes time
Love
Angie

[bipolar_bear]

Well, I can't believe she leaves the ringer on let alone answer it! I so wish you could confront her but totally understand where you are at. I guess if someone was not helping me then I really would consider seeing someone else. You are the client and she should give you her undivided attention while you are there. Ask her for a credit for the time she spent on the phone.

[Rapunzel]

I wish you could say something to her about the phone too. You should have her undivided attention during your sessions. I wonder if she was in a session when you initially called her. It's nice to know that you can call her and she will answer, but I don't think it is standard practice for therapists to answer the phone during sessions. My former T answered his phone during a session once. I think he had forgotten to turn it off, but he apologized when he got off the phone. I didn't feel like I had the right to complain because he wasn't charging me for therapy. But if I were paying him, I would have more problem with it.

I'd talk to her about your concerns, and go from there depending on how she responds and if she can make changes to make it okay for you.

[JonB]

My T doesn't even have a phone in the part of his office we talk in. I've never even seen it or heard ring. Once, they were doing construction in the office next door and you could hear the drilling noise. He kept apologizing for the intrusion and it wasn't even distracting to me.

I know what you mean though about not being the type of person to say anything. It takes me forever to work up the courage to ask for something I want done differently. I'm always surprised that when I ask, it almost always is accommodated. Usually the other person doesn't even bat an eyelash and here I was worrying about it for weeks. Which, of course, makes me feel like more of an idiot.

Based on the bad vibes, though, I'd probably want to dump her - and the phone answering would be the final straw for me. I think it's worth it to shop around for a T you really like. Who wants to spend all that time working through issues with your T just to be able to get to the issues that brought you there in the first place (unless they're the same thing that is)?

Best of luck...

[purplemoon]

My T never answers his phone. Even when you call the receptionist it goes directly to voicemail and they call you back. I have never even heard a phone ring while I was in the waiting room. I would be very upset if he answered the phone during a session. That is my time. And an hour a week is not much time IMHO. I totally understand why you don't want to say anything, I could never work up the courage to either, but if you don't she may continue to do this and I think it will just lead you to resent her and the relationship won't work. Maybe you could just metion it casually like in a conversation about how phone interuptions drive you crazy. I have done this with my T, and he always is very good about picking up on what I am asking or trying to convey. Hopefully one day I will be able to be a little more direct.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( Candy ))))))))))))))

<<<OHHHHHHHHHH MY GOOD GOLLY MISS POLLY>>>
I've never even had the phone ring when I'm in a therapy session....

Too bad we can't all tell her what we think of that!!!

((hugs))

[January]

I would try one more time. If she still doesn't suit you or if she accepts another call during your time, get another t. In fact, when she takes the call, wait till she's done and tell her she obviously has something she considers more important than her clients AND the money they give her and walk out.

Jan

[Fuzzybear]

Candy.... I might give her one more go, but if I did, I would tell her, calmly and politely, at the START of the session how her actions had affected me..... at least that is the idea, it might not be so easy.....

Then if she did take another call, I would certainly walk out.....

[lenjan]

Thanks everyone. I *finally* get to see a pdoc Wednesday -- hoping maybe she can recommend someone. I have another appt. with this T next Friday -- we'll see how it goes. I picked her out of the phone book, for one thing, always a bad move -- but she's cheap (I'm paying for this out of my own pocket) and her office is certainly convenient, as it's directly across the street from mine. Convenience might not be enough to stick it out, though.

I appreciate all the good tips.

Candy

Candybear, doing what is unfamiliar and uncomfortable is important and is expected in therapy. He won't be offended or angry or think less of you if you mention that call he took.

When my T cancelled a weekly visit last month, I was devastated and cried all day. She was sick! I knew that in my mind but I still felt what I felt. That is what therapy is about... getting to what it is we're feeling. Anyway, I never thought I could say anything about it to her, but I did. I said, you know, I'm embarrassed to say this,,, but I took your cancellation personally. She was surprised and we talked about it and she made me feel soooo much better. She thanked me for telling her. I was so glad I took the risk!

I hope you'll think about mentioning it to him in some way. I think it will make you feel much better about yourself and yoru new T. It's already so hard getting started with someone new, then to have that happen... wasn't good. Please consider telling him how you felt?

((HUGS))

ECHOES

[(JD)]

[Pughead]

Your T sounds like my Pdoc!

Female, answers phone, odd sense of humor.

[Perna]

I don't think it's fair having one's own pet peeves and kicking the other person to the curb when they can't have a clue you have that pet peeve. My T and I would let a phone ring when she forgot to set the answering machine and that was almost worse than if she'd answered it! We couldn't continue until the person on the other end hung up. Sometimes things like that are funny because T's don't automatically know what to do, which way to "jump"; we had knocking at doors when we were the only ones there (because she'd forgotten to lock the front door into the waiting room) or people talking too loud in the hallways not realizing and she'd have to go out and tell them to move/have their converstion elsewhere but we'd wait, hoping they'd get a clue or finish, etc. Does she work with other T's? Each room usually has a connection to a "central" phone and if they (or sometimes it's a secretary's responsibility) forget to turn off the phone to that room before a session, it's going to ring. I'd at least tell her you hate when that happens so she has a clue. If you can't do it when it happens, tell it the next week, in the past-tense? No way anyone is going to go through an entire relationship never pushing any of another's hot buttons at some time or another. My T usually gave me a couple more minutes too to make up for any interruptions or late starts that were her or the "session setup" fault (couldn't get into room, etc.). Little things like that are going to go wrong, that's what you're in therapy for as you say, to learn to let people know when they do things you like/don't like. My T went through a rough patch where she was losing my payment checks too often :-) I think eventually she had to fire her bookkeeper and take it over herself but then she got stressed and mislaid one, I cancelled it and then she found it and called me back a few minutes too late :-) Stuff happens.

[lenjan]

No, she rents an uncomfortably furnished room in a building -- works by herself. You can barely call it an office. She only has a cell phone -- there's not even a landline in the "office."

I am unhappy with her for other reasons, but that one really set me off. I suppose I will give her one more shot, but I'm still going to start looking around. I appreciate the input, though!