[archipelago]

Recently I had some things happen that apparently shook loose some very early memories and with them a lot of affect that I hadn't had access to before. At first this seemed healing, but then I started having the affect connect up with all the trauma I've gone through. It was almost unbearable. I was re-experiencing everything with all the emotions in place and all at once. Totally overwhelming.

So my therapist, who is also an analyst, offered to see me every day to help me get through. We just finished our first we working like this. It has been an amazing experience. By the end of the week we had hit a core issue that hadn't really surfaced in all my time in therapy. At first I was fearful and shocked because I hadn't realized how early and profoundly I had deadened part of myself in order to survive. Suddenly that part was "seen" and it was scary. Then I felt immensely sad for having gone though life in a deadened state. Eventually I felt a little bit of hope that at least it was possible to get out of this deadened state and become more alive.

With so much going on, I really want to continue working this way. He had offered to do this for a month, but we only scheduled two weeks of sessions. I don't know if I should push it, but I see so much potential for healing due to the intensification of our meeting and working together.

[Mactastic]

That sounds amazing but I can't help but wonder about the financial aspect. Every day for a month? Whew!

I am in psychoanalytic but part if me wishes I could give psychoanalysis a try, I do think it's the best way to get in touch with yourself. It takes a lit of courage and I commend you!

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[Perna]

Maybe he is just committing to a month, to see how it goes and will be open to continuing if you have the need, interest, and money to continue working in that way. I would be careful though, since all that living you are remembering was not done in a moment -- it is my experience that it takes about as long to work things through as the period of time that has elapsed between then and now. You cannot literally "go back" and get things one at a time, fix X and have Y which was leaning on X two years later be fixed too. Y will collapse and cause problems of its own that will need attention.

[archipelago]

Thanks. As for the financial, he is just charging one extra session and throwing in the rest for free. He doesn't charge as much as most in his position; he is also a psychiatrist, but it is the fact that he is an analyst that makes me want to work with him. I was feeling like it wasn't really fair for him to do this hard work for free so I found a way to pay for the extra sessions by selling an iMac that I just replaced. It would cover the cost.

I wish I could do full on psychoanalysis too, but it is way too expensive to do it full time. I do see what a difference it makes to do it so intensively. I feel like last week was a month long with all that I processed.

He only wanted to try this for a month so I'm just expecting that, and even just 3 weeks would probably be enough. So we do now have a 3rd week set up.

As far as the working through process, it's been hard to separate everything out because the flooding involved almost all the traumas and they looped together since they have things in common. During an hypnotic experiment he counted up to my age starting with 1 and asked me to note anything that may have happened. Afterwards I had 30 different things. That's a lot of trauma. We are now working on very early trauma, mostly the lack of early mothering and being hospitalized in a body cast for months. These two are the foundation for the early deadening that looks like depression but may be the result of a dissociation from PTSD.

[unaluna]

Awesome. Ive been wondering whats been happening with you. I recently switched from 4 days to 3 because i felt like i just couldnt keep up anymore. I wasnt being human, i was just being therapized. I think i made great progress, solidified some changes that just werent happening before, but it became exhausting after a while. Anyway im so excited for you! I even noticed my health improved during that time because it was one extra day of walking to the bus stop. Until it became an extra day of walking to the snack shop... and its the way they did it in the olden times ya know.

I am glad to hear others doing this kind of intensive therapy. I did this kind of therapy for almost 18 months, and it was extremely intense, yet it was very healing and holds me to this day. Some on PC are skeptical that this kind of therapy exist (anything more than the 50 minute hour or traditional Freudian analysis).

I am glad your therapist is working with you in regard to cost, because he sees it more about getting you to where you need to be in life. I am truly thankful for those kinds of therapist. I am glad it has been helpful so far, and I look forward to hearing more of your journey. One thing I would like to mention is that my therapist ALWAYS made sure she had time to put me back together before I left her office.

[archipelago]

That's how this started. It was clear that we needed more time so that things didn't "leak" over so he offered to see me every day. Now things are not spilling over as much.

This is psychoanalysis but it is the new kind called Relational. It is very different from the traditional approach, much more focused on the here and now as the past bubbles up into it and very active and mutual in terms of the relationship. Not only do I trust the approach and him, but it is also helpful to know that he had to do his own analysis before he was qualified so he knows what it is like to go to therapy every day, to have memories surface, have transference reactions, and work through early losses. This makes him even more attuned than just trained. And he isn't party line so he departs when it is right.

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