[Freewilled]

I haven't started a thread here in a quite awhile...I think I've been semi-coasting in therapy /:

But I'm really struggling tonight with this anger **** I feel in therapy. I don't really connect my anger as being directed at my t, but more a fear of him becoming angry with me. Yet, I get the strong feeling - well my t said as much - that I'm angry at him and the whole process. I can't feel that as much as I feel a fear of him becoming angry with me! If I am projecting, it's doing a really good job of protecting me here....

Anyone else struggle with negative transference? I'm so panicky now because I expressed some of my more negative feelings and I'm feeling sure my T is disgusted with me. I feel like I want to write him or call him just to make things "better"....I'm feeling so needy it's out of control. I just don't even want to talk about my anger anymore cause it leads me here. Ugh.

I want positive transference and for my T to like me. To have a positive, supportive relationship but I feel like a bad seed. I hear so many people on these boards who have positive relationships with their Ts, and though I know it's not the same for everyone, I just feel left out

Generally to get to the positive you have to face and work through the negative. The healthiest relationships are a combination of both really. Living through the negative strengthens relationships. I bet your T isn't afraid of your negative thoughts and feelings. Can you consider trusting that so you can get unstuck from the fear?

[blur]

it's okay to feel angry. it can be a tough emotion at times if you somehow got the message you are not to express anger or talk about what's wrong. funny, i just came across this randomly right after reading your post. i don't know if you'll relate to it or not but i thought it was good. Nice girls showing up angry….you’re invited. i like how she talks about how we keep putting off dealing with our anger:

This anger has been sitting in the waiting room with a little dixie cup of water and a stale cookie for a few years now that I gave it to buy some time. The anger even has anger now.

[SabinaS]

It's great that you are able to make that connection. I think negative feelings towards our T's are hard to acknowledge but it is healthy to recognise them. You said that you felt your T would be disgusted with you because of your angry feelings, why is that? Where do you think that feeling comes from? I agree it's tough. Whenever I get mad, I usually try to repair the damage by being nice next time I see him.

[dark_sweetie]

I had the same exact thing happen last session. And I think T had gotten negative transference for me cuz of an incident last week.. it was subtle, but I picked up on the vibes, and felt reprimanded. I felt so sad and angry and just was thinking, I'll show that b that I don't need her. After I thought I was in love just a day ago. It's exhausting.

I'm just trying to mentalize it and keep in mind that these feelings for T are a message from inside me, not the reality of our relationship. They will pass. Our relationship will continue to grow. (:

And for me it's also about feeling like T is disgusted with me. I think it's a narcissistic wound.

[Restin]

I've developed a negative transference for T because I had a positive transference and we can't discuss it because I can't bring it up first. T NEVER once has asked how I feel about her. She never has used the word, transference, either. So maybe she doesn't even believe in it. But she is so sweet and nurturing I can't make sense of this elephant-in-the-room. I feel ongoing anger at her because dependency was punished by my many caregivers in the past and my inner child is sure that she will do the same.

[Freewilled]

He is the one who seems to want to talk about my anger.... And I don't trust that he's really going to be ok with it. I'm not actually sure I was angry with him so much originally but almost feel like he's projecting onto me. But then again, he is the T so....I feel he will be disgusted because I did express anger with him about many things in the past and I don't think he took it well. I'm more afraid of him becoming angry with me while wishing he would just yell at me and get it over with already (I do realize that's ****ed up)... He doesn't seem to see that and believes I have repressed anger. I feel misunderstood and over analyzed, I guess. I did tell him but he doesn't really introject anything about it (he doesn't share his feelings and I know he prob can't but I would like him to be upfront) and more just let's me talk. That kinda infuriates me...it's like I'm sending my feelings out there and that's it. I don't know how you resolve this stuff /:

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by SabinaS

It's great that you are able to make that connection. I think negative feelings towards our T's are hard to acknowledge but it is healthy to recognise them. You said that you felt your T would be disgusted with you because of your angry feelings, why is that? Where do you think that feeling comes from? I agree it's tough. Whenever I get mad, I usually try to repair the damage by being nice next time I see him.

I think because we had a rift several months ago. He reacted to me by telling me I had a couple of choices regarding my life and it was like said out of frustration. At least, I perceived it that way. I did confront him about it during the following session and he apologized. I just find it hard to trust him anyway and that made it worse. I always worry he really hates me and that he has negative countertransference. He did apologize though....many weeks later he told me that he had worked through it. In a roundabout way. But I'm not sure I believe him...he is a very compassionate person and I think he cares. I also think I'm annoying, difficult and just messed up all around. I know me and my situation blows so I feel like I can't expect much more than this....it just sucks.

[HazelGirl]

I understand so much

[Mactastic]

I haven't taken the time to read the other replies yet, sorry if I'm off-base or repetitive.

I spent all of the last 2 sessions talking about my negative feelings for my T and I am so, so glad I brought it up. I had nothing but loving feelings (openly) for months and then all of a sudden I got pissy.

I think we still have some to work through but I think ALL your feelings are word exploring. My T let me wallow in my misery for one whole session and then at the last minute refuted every single one of my insecurities . It sounds mean but he said he wanted me to really feel my emotions for one session and learn to accept them for what they are - angry feelings are no more different than love, joy, sadness, etc and all worthy of his respect.

If you could tell off your therapist in a one sentence, what might you say? Do you think you have the strength to face it? Are you worried (as in my case) he will think you're irritating and will get upset with you for even bringing up the relationship at all? I'm sorry if I'm only putting words in your mouth there...

[stopdog]

I don't think it is transference, but I have never had the happy, warm etc reaction to therapists or therapy. With the first one I see, I look at it like going to have teeth drilled without novocaine. At best it is rather neutral. More often it is going into a boxing ring. The second one I see is mostly a neutral experience. No boxing ring with her, but still not all yea I get to go see the therapist sorts of thing.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by Mactastic

I haven't taken the time to read the other replies yet, sorry if I'm off-base or repetitive.

I spent all of the last 2 sessions talking about my negative feelings for my T and I am so, so glad I brought it up. I had nothing but loving feelings (openly) for months and then all of a sudden I got pissy.

I think we still have some to work through but I think ALL your feelings are word exploring. My T let me wallow in my misery for one whole session and then at the last minute refuted every single one of my insecurities . It sounds mean but he said he wanted me to really feel my emotions for one session and learn to accept them for what they are - angry feelings are no more different than love, joy, sadness, etc and all worthy of his respect.

If you could tell off your therapist in a one sentence, what might you say? Do you think you have the strength to face it? Are you worried (as in my case) he will think you're irritating and will get upset with you for even bringing up the relationship at all? I'm sorry if I'm only putting words in your mouth there...

One sentence, huh? That's a tall order lol maybe something like, "why do you get to sit there all smug and put together, studying me like some specimen, while I bleed out in front of you and then you have the ****ing audacity to ask for even more from me????!!!???"

He has always been process oriented for the most part. He seems to believe that I cannot face my past in therapy without the trust necessary in our relationship. So he says he's ok with whatever feelings I have toward him and strongly encourages me to talk about them. I told him I want a timeframe - like how long am I allowed to express my frustrations/anger/annoyances etc.? How many sessions? I want a framework for that but he won't give it to me /:

I think I'm worried that my lack of trust is insurmountable. And what if he isn't trustworthy? What if he is, and I'm ****ing this whole thing up?

[Mactastic]

My therapist sounds a lot like yours. He shared an article with me that helped me understand his refusal to give me a timeline. Maybe you'll find it useful.

http://braungardt.trialectics.com/sc...memory-desire/


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[Restin]

If I could tell off my T in one sentence, I would say, "You durn, fricken traitor, you act so sweet and lovey to the little girl in me just so you can tell her I can be her danged parent!" Well, dear T, if I could have I would have before I ever came to you.

[SeekerOfLife]

I think I have recently had negative transference for my T. I wanted to tell her something about myself. I started, but then stopped because very painful feelings came up. I really do not know how she would have responded, but I became fearful that she would say something hurtful to me. I had no reason to feel that way toward her. I guess I was afraid she would hurt me like others in my past have.